Bigger things than college? (vent)

College Confidential Community
1

Hello everyone,

This is my first post and I decided to sign up because I simply need to talk to other people about my issues.

So, I’m an Senior Magement Information Systems student and I love what I do, but I’m having a very difficult time getting through my final stretch of school. To give you a little background, I am from Brazil and just came here to study (came with mom when I was around 11 and decided to stay until end of college). Well, long story short, I don’t have any family in the US and can’t really rest on anyone for support. I work at a bank just trying to survive, and people don’t seem to understand what that’s like. I don’t have mommy and daddy to run to… or granny or cousins or anybody. If I fail at my job, I starve and I go homeless. There is no backup and there is no slowing down. As a matter of fact, my niece and nephew are going hungry back home and I, not forced, have to send money to keep my family alive and well.
How messed up is that?! I am 22-years-old, don’t even have a kid, yet have to suppport countless people - including myself.
Moreover, my country is about to break into civil war and I have to worry about being called up to fight, as I am forcibly (but I don’t mind, I love my country) in the reserves.

…and this is just the tip of my iceberg of problems. Fought through 2 years of drug addiction, fought through depression, have an ill mom who I’ve had to save from death multiple times, still have severe insomnia…
Life is not easy. Ain’t no rest for the wicked.

My point by throwing all of this information out is that there are bigger things in life for some people, and it’s incredibly frustrating when professors, and even fellow classmates, make life so much more difficult for you, for no apparent reason. I know everyone is fighting their own battles, but I’m starting to think that college may be one of those battles I no longer want to fight. I am just here to get my degree so that I can make more money than I would with a high-school degree, which in this country unfortunately doesn’t get you anything. Sure, I love programming, but I’d fold boxes if it got me 70k a year (NOT what I make now).

I could just drop everything and try to advance my career at the bank, or go back to Brazil and hustle any way I can to help my family survive… but at least I think I’d be happy.

Also, don’t tell me to go to counseling, please. I already do.

I’ve been through hell and back, and know that I’m stronger, smarter, and more adaptable because of it. I just need to talk out some frustrations and see if anyone is going through anything remotely close.

Any insights?

2

Congratulations for getting a grip on drug addiction and depression, for being a great help to your mom and for being productively employed.

There are no guarantees for any of us except struggle, death and the passage of time. ANYTHING can be lost. The way to make the best of one’s situation is to carefully work out the prioritization of the things in one’s life. Then protect these things according to your prioritization. Things will be lost, but you can steer the losses toward the things that are of less importance to you. Also, keep in mind all the vulnerabilities and when the bad things happen you will not be stunned and overwhelmed by grief and confusion.

My priorities run (highest to lower) from not actually hurting anyone else, being able to pay my own bills (this includes saving some money for changes in fortune), my health, the health - to a point - of my favorite close relatives & friends, my general happiness…Less favorite or less close relatives are after that. You should make your own determinations on how to prioritize. I personally was dissatisfied with the prioritizations my relatives tried to dictate to me.

“If I fail at my job, I starve and I go homeless” applies to people generally in the United States. Save some of your earned money so you will have the backup you want, be prepared to seek other jobs AT ANY TIME and be aware there are some job losses for which you can get unemployment compensation. As I understand it, family is weak but government benefits are strong in the US compared to the majority of countries; the cultures are different

I advise staying clear of participation in a civil or any other kind of war, unless you’ve carefully determined what side is worth defending, and I advise avoiding not only that but even presence where it is being conducted unless you’ve carefully determined it is worth the costs and risks to you and to the people you’ve chosen to support.

You’re in your LAST stretch of college. It’s worth finishing it for the greater money and opportunities it will get you. It will give you more resources to support who/what you choose to.

3

Jjwinkle, firstly, thank you for your kind suppport.

Yes, that’s precisely my struggle… dealing with how to prioritize. I’ve come to terms that I’m just a spec in time and that I just have to make the best out of my run. I’ve just been so exhausted from everything that’s happened in the course of the last 4 years that the thought of giving up and dropping off the grid seems like a beautiful mirage. However, you’re right. Since I’m so close, maybe I should let MY priorities take a back seat until I finish. I have a great job lined up and everything… I’d be foolish not to at least attempt to finish.

I have my finances in check and have savings as a back-up if things go bad. Also, you made a great point with the US social support policies… not something I thought of much, perhaps because of not having that view growing up abroad.
My greatest fear is just somehow getting to the point where I can no longer connect with my family, because at the end of the day, that’s all I feel I have as a human. Money is simply a social invention.
When your family for 2 years at a time, it can get really easy to feel anxious about losing anyone or anything happening to them, or you for that matter.

As for the war, that’s really only a far concern compared to everything else - a hypothetical if you will. However, I’m fully prepared to defend my family if anything were to happen.

At any rate, thank you again! Gave me a bit of a refreshing view.