<p>One of D’s best friends is bi-polar and is successfully attending U/Chicago, almost 2,000 miles from home. Finding the right combo of medicines was essential and until she did, life was a sled ride for both her and her parents.
It took several years for the right medication and right dose to be nailed down…a lot of it seemed to be unavoidably trial and error.</p>
<p>The two things that would be of concern for me about the OP’s son would be a) that he be absolutely rigorous in keeping up his medications and b) that there be proper medical supervision in place. </p>
<p>For the first, the two problems are being an adolescent male in the first place…space cadet, it won’t happen to me, yada yada…and the fact that often they feel fine, at which point they neglect taking their meds, until suddenly they don’t. </p>
<p>For the second, I’d want to to the college with the son and find a psychiatrist in the area, connected to campus health services or not, with whom both son & parents felt comfortable and who would agree to stay in communication with parents upon receipt of signed waiver, which son would sign upon agreeing upon the doctor.</p>
<p>I have several family members who have mental illnesses. One thing I would stress it you are even considering sending him that you begin now finding a Dr and therapist in the college town. I would start first with his present Dr and therapist. They can ask around and get some contacts. I found with my D when we looked for therapists in her college town it helped for her psychiatrist/psychologist to do the inquiry. As a parent we don’t know nearly all the details of their illness. The therapist will be able to get a better feel if someone will be a good fit. I would also line up several different therapists for you son to meet. Also many therapists take long vacations in the summer and it would be better to set things up now.
Also you should know that in many places there is a shortage of psychiatrists. I feel with bipolar disorder your son will definitely need to see one. Finding the right combination of medications can take time. Also don’t assume that the same med will continue to work. Also from all that I have heard the meds can not work if the patient is using alcohol and drugs.
For people with bipolar disorder transition is difficult. The transistion to college for the emotionally healthy student is difficult. Dorm life can prove to be to stressful. I would ask the school and your Dr about doing a medical request for a single.
Another huge stressor we found was finding the time to fit the therapy into her weekly school schedule. Also distance from campus. If your son will have to travel by public transportation to see the therapist that adds in quite a bit of travel time. If he feels stressed getting to therapy and back for class it doesn’t help much. Since you have the time I would set up a therapy time and work the class schedule around the therapy versus doing the opposite. We also found that most therapists don’t work on Friday which is usually the lightest workload day for the student. I would not plan on using the school counseling center for regular therapy. Most are interns and they are not able to deal with the seriousness of bipolar disorder.
As a parent we hate to say no to our children. I would want to send my child to the college of his choice and not feel like his illness is holding him back. That in itself can be depressing. But if your gut feeling is telling you that it is not the right decision you need to go with it. I know firsthand how difficult it is to deal with health issues when they are far from home.
Are any of his schools in places where he would have some family support.</p>
<p>I like the fact that his school is only 3000 students in size, but he would need a rock solid attachment to a rock solid psychiatrist to make it. And all sorts of forms signed giving you and others access to information and releases re confidentiality. And you would need to come to the school to see him with some frequency as well. Right at the time many of us “whine” because it is natural for an 18/19 year old to create distance and boundaries with parents.
Being a college freshman for any kid is a time of identity diffusion. It does concern me that he is so newly diagnosed as he cannot be expected to know what that means. How could he? And how the illness will affect him is also an unknown. </p>
<p>So terribly sorry that your dear son has to deal with this biological hurdle in life. So unfair. But there are many fantastic people who made it past the early years of this illness (denial, med changes, new symptoms) and have made an impact in this world and had all the love you also want your son to find in his future. We are all in a sense waiting for age 25 for our son’s brains to fully develop executive functions and your son will have graver challenges. But he also has some exceptional gifts.
I find Kay Jamison to be an inspiration, and so will your son. She also suffered from the very predictable denial and inability to grasp her own disease while she attempted to mask her own symptoms in a high powered academic world. Like your son, she is also very bright and gifted and has a great deal to contribute to the world and to the people who love her.</p>
<p>The diagnosis is so new that the fact that your boy is only 18 is a worry in terms of his predictable need to “be like his peers.” Suicide risks are high when a person is young and just coming to terms with the illness because to refuse meds is so very typical when one is feeling higher or good. You must convey to him that you can endure and support whatever he has to experience and that you are confident he will come out of any episodes and be restored to you. </p>
<p>Get out and talk to every family you can in support groups, keeping in mind that your son’s trajectory may be unique and not follow anyone elses. I think a gap year or schooling in a location closer to you and his initial docs is something to consider until he has had a calendar year with this illness and its management. Obviously, this kid needs to be learning to be happy and he needs college.</p>
<p>We hope science will bring your son more and more hope, solid treatment and relief from this illness. May your son’s promise be fulfilled in life and may you find the right medical people and counselors to help you right now.</p>
<p>runningman, I assume you have researched the issues related to bipolar disorder since your son’s diagnosis. It is something you and your family should be very concerned about. </p>
<p>I have had a personal experience with the disorder(a brother) and can appreciate what you are now facing.</p>
<p>I cannot and will not offer any advice other than to say that any decision should be made in close consultation with your son and his doctors.</p>
<p>What posters here or on other sites matter little. The stakes are too great.</p>
<p>Yes it is a sad story running. My brother has a very serious version of bi-polar–but he didn’t have his first psychotic break until he was 22. I’ve known other boys who have had breaks at earlier ages and your son’s break BEFORE he starts college is a worrying sign.</p>
<p>That said, my brother was a very high-functioning bi-polar patient–especially in the first 10 to 12 years. He went to college–had a serious girlfriend there, had tons of friends who were girls (no guys), graduated with a 3.7 GPA and a journalism degree, worked for a major metropolitan newspaper, married the most stunning woman on earth (she left him five years later), bought a house, got a job as a computer programmer etc etc.</p>
<p>He has been able to draw on those wonderful memories in the past 10 years–when his life has been marred by year long periods of deep deep depression. He lives alone and has few friends. His extended family has been his saving grace. He works in a simple minimum wage job. He has been depression and manic free for nearly two years–which is sort of a record. </p>
<p>I don’t know his meds but they have never been a cure-all. The mix has to be adjusted all the time. He sees a world reknowned bi-polar specialist psych in a top medical school–and having the smartest guy on the job has made a huge difference. For one thing, he threatened to drop my borther after the last psychotic break–which was precipitated by a refusal to take the meds. Have mercy on them though, the meds cause all kinds of side effects. If he takes them they keep my brother steady. I completely understand the impulse to try to skip them. </p>
<p>My brother’s been in therapy forever, but it wasn’t until he started with a cognitive therapist that he started to make social progress.</p>
<p>At 43 he leads a simple, happy life–for which we are grateful.</p>
<p>A lot of very bright, gifted people are bipolar and do very well in college. My teen was diagnosed a yr. ago with this brain disorder and will be applying to college in the fall. It has taken us a full year to get a grasp of the medication part and I am happy to say she is doing fine on lithium alone, although it isn’t without side-effects. I would probably defer a year since this just happened until you both get a grasp of the illness and learn how it affects your son and of course how the medications affect him. My teen would prefer to stay close to home although I have also encouraged her to look a bit further too. We were in denial and shock for many months, I probably still am. She is doing remarkably well and has risen to the challenges that this illness has brought with it Some books you might find helpful are Kay Jamisons “An Unquiet Mind” and Lizzy Simon’s book “Detour.” My daughter prefered the writing style of Jamison and didn’t like Simon’s book.</p>
<p>I think we’ll err on the side of caution and defer a year. I’ve already spoken with the Dean of Undergraduates and he fully supported waiting a year (and it doesn’t matter that my child applied and was accepted early). I am seeing now that getting the medication and coping skills worked out will take longer than I had expected.</p>
<p>Warm regards to you, runningman. Your son is lucky to have you supporting him in this. Keep the faith; I’m sure there will be tough times in the coming year. If you care to, come back and tell us how things go. This is also a great place for support in the parenting world, in case you need an ear or two to listen.</p>
<p>Cyber hugs to you runningman. See if you can’t find a support group for you and your wife too. Coping with a new diagnosis is a massive undertaking for the whole family. It can take decades to truly accept the reality, depending on the severity of the disorder. </p>
<p>Don’t beat yourself up as you struggle to cope. Keep running.</p>
<p>Cyberhugs from me, too! Your S can take one or two classes if he is afraid of losing momentum, but it is true that getting the correct dosage takes time and experimentation. You’ve come to the right decision.</p>
<p>Please drop us updates on your son, as we can imagine that graduation season from high school this spring could be disheartening for him as it is so unfair that this illness has interfered with what should be his rightful path. Get him signed up for a learning experience or gap year plan that is interesting to him in your year of first adjustments. As a parent who still dwells on the boards with a college sophomore doing fine, letting go can be hard and for you to let him go to college will be even tougher, but something you may feel much more positive about with a one year delay. Good plan to go through an entire calendar year with those who know him best close by. I am sure he is a great kid and we want to hear how he is doing.</p>
<p>Thanks to everyone for your support. This is probably one of the most difficult decisions we’ve ever had to make. However, I don’t think we really have a choice. Witnessing mania and psychosis firsthand is terrifying and until we can feel comfortable that he’s managing and under control, there would be no point in letting him go away to school. Chances are he’d probably have an episode and have to come home anyway. At least this way, he has a better chance of succeeding when he does go.
At the moment, we’re pretty frightened and we’re trying to keep believing that this will work out and that he really will get to follow through with his plans a year later. I’ll keep everyone updated.</p>
<p>Let me add that there is little to no correlation between “pyschotherapy” and recovery. (Myth of Neurosis.) To quote Kaplan, “[…] as a science, psychology is interested in developing theories that are theoritically sound and testable, and psychoanalytic approaches are not, to date.” (Emphasis mine.)</p>
<p>There are many other psychological approaches.</p>
<p>I think you’ve made a smart choice. It doesn’t always seem that way senior spring, but going to college a year later will end up being such a tiny blip in a kid’s life, but the kid’s growth during that year can play a huge role in future success. This is true whether the student has an illness or not. My usual mantra is: when in doubt, defer.</p>
<p>Yes, runningman, it is terrifying. I have seen my sister, firsthand, in a manic episode/total break from reality. I can only imagine how much scarier it is when it is your child. So many people have come through to the other side, though. I hope that gives you some hope and partial relief from the worry.</p>
<p>It does. I really appreciate hearing success stories.
Hanna, as an adult, I know you’re completely right about one year being a blip in a kid’s life. I am worried, however, about my son’s reaction when we finally tell him that he’ll have to defer a year. I kept him home from school today (had a bad weekend) and he cried because he just wants to go to school.</p>
<p>My heart goes out to your son. Tell him that he will be able to take some courses, not a full load while adjusting to his medication; this will allow a smoother transition to college. On the Harvard website there is a discussion of gap years. It is highly encouraged. Read it with him. He will not be stigmatized if he takes one year off. On the contrary, he will have a chance to gain experience more, and to grow and mature.</p>
<p>Oh boy, is it ever scary. And sad, sad, sad. I worried so much that one of my own sons might have to face that battle. It breaks my heart when I meet moms who are coping with bi-polar children. How are your friends and family reacting? Do you feel like you have support?</p>
<p>My brother has a severe but high-functioning case of bi-polar illness. He has had nearly a dozen psychotic breaks over a period of twenty two years–one every two years on average. He has been especially stable these last five years (one minor break).</p>
<p>Here’s what he’s done to stay stable:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Been in the care of a leading bi-polar research doc at the university hosptial who is smarter than my brother. The doc is very demanding; ie “You can’t be my patient if you don’t take the drugs I prescribe.” and “Isn’t it nice that you’ve reserached what drugs you think you want to drop (or try), but I am the world reknowned doctor so we shall follow my course of medicine, not yours.”</p></li>
<li><p>Been in the care of a terrific male cognitive therapist who has taught him to memorize certain social cues so that he can function at work. Invaluable according to my brother, because those cues keep him from spiralling his own anxiety up to mania.</p></li>
<li><p>Kept very stable sleep hours. He is in bed at 9 pm every night.</p></li>
<li><p>Kept a very stable lifestyle. He has very little variation week to week. A vacation to the West Coast is a big deal and has to be handled carefully.</p></li>
<li><p>Stayed away from religion of any kind. His mind cannot handle the stories of grandiousity.</p></li>
<li><p>Stayed away from group therapy of any kind because he cannot distinguish mental illness from mental health.</p></li>
</ol>