Bipolar Disorder

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I would appreciate any advice from parents of college kids with this disorder or from students themselves. My hs senior son was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder after a manic/psychotic episode (first ever). He has always been one of the top students in his school and has perfect SAT scores. He was accepted to his top choice university (early) and all plans were go… until this. Now, he still wants to go, but we are afraid that if this should happen 600 miles from home, that he’ll end up hospitalized (or worse). He is currently seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist and taking meds (which are helping), but even if he fully accepts his diagnosis (which he doesn’t yet), we’re terrified that something could happen to him so far from home.
A psychiatrist I know (not his) has suggested that he needs more time to adjust to everything, and that leaving in August will be too soon and could doom him to failure. On the other hand, staying home when all of your friends are heading away to their top colleges could be extremely depressing.
The college he’ll be attending has about 3000 undergrads, so at least it’s not a place where a student would disappear into the woodwork.</p>

<p>Any opinions?</p>

2

<p>Supportive parents are really needed at this time and I would be afraid to go away for college also. I’m not sure how bi-polar completely effects someone’s life. My doctor told me I might be bi-polar because of replusive actions without weighing the outcome of my actions. I’m scared to know how its going to effect me long term though.</p>

3

<p>I recommend contacting the student health center/counseling services at that school immediately, and see what they offer for their students. He will need a psychiatrist, and a therapist if the psychiatrist doesnt do psychotherapy, either on campus or off campus, and that should be squared away ahead of time. Talk to his current psychiatrist, psychologist, his guidance counselor (if s/he is aware of things), let him express his fears.</p>

<p>Many, many students on college campuses are suffering from mental illness. Some are able to cope quite nicely, others need a very different type of environment.</p>

<p>There are a ton of websites addressing mental illness in college students, poke around and hopefully you can get some questions answered.</p>

<p>Good luck</p>

4

<p>It depends a great deal on the student.<br>
I have an acquaintance whose son was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in his first semester at college. The young man had to be hospitalized. The family decided he should go to a community college so that his health could be more closely monitored. After he was put on medication, he was fine; but he’s had a hard time adjusting to the idea of having to take his meds for the rest of his life.
More recently, he had a psychotic episode as a result of drinking while on his meds. His dad told me that he is easily swayed by peers, loves to party and has not been able to accept that drinking is out of the question. He’s now okay, back at community college and apparently doing well.
If your child has fully adjusted to his diagnosis and is responsible, going away to college should be fine. But it sounds like he needs a longer period of adjustment. I’d suggest a gap year and see how things go.</p>

5

<p>It will be your son’s decision, as you probably know, with mental disorders. If he goes to college where he has been accepted, he will have to see the therapists, take meds, do it all. He can do it - so much support with these institutions with psychiatrists in touch with each other ( including home Dr.), working with the on campus therapists. Usually, the psychiatrists are on call and the counselors are full time.
Our daughter went through multiple diagnoses from her junior year in high school through her soph. year in college. Incredible support through it all. Sometimes the initial diagnosis is not even the correct one. As long as he is willing to accept the support system, he should be fine. As a parent who has seen it all, I wonder whether one episode is enough for any diagnosis. Unfortunately, there has to be a “label” to figure out meds. Good luck and if you want to e-mail me, let me know. Our daughter is still seeing a counselor at college, is graduating with honors from a great college - in May. She may always need help but she knows that is OK and she will be OK. And I feel there is nothing wrong with just accepting a label, as your son is feeling. The meds are the most important thing. And often they are not needed after brain patterns change. I am not a doctor, a lay mom who has seen it all, including multiple diagnoses - I don’t think she has any label now - a young woman who has worked through a lot of stuff through therapy and meds when needed. Good luck. I say send him, support him, the college will support him. He will do well!</p>

6

<p>Would deferring a year be a possibility? That way, you would have some time to decide.</p>

<p>I know of two classmates with bipolar disorder, both who seem to be doing fine and have the disorder under control with meds. Though I can’t be too specific about this due to confidentiality issues, one of them has had some quite prestigious and demanding job experiences since her diagnosis in high school. The other was diagnosed during winter break first semester. She got an extention on her exams, came back, and is still doing OK as far as I know.</p>

7

<p>Son does not want to take a gap year at all. We (parents) are the ones who are worried. I’d love to let him go, but we’re also scared of the risks. </p>

<p>There are other relatives with bipolar disorder (though neither parent has it), which makes it more likely that the diagnosis is correct.</p>

<p>I appreciate everyone’s comments.</p>

8

<p>runningman - Very difficult situation to cope with; my heart goes out to you. Couple of thoughts. </p>

<p>(1)You mention that a psychiatrist (not his) suggests he wait because he needs adjustment time before going off to college. What does his own psychiatrist say?
(2)You mention that your son doesn’t fully accept his diagnosis yet. I think this can be an ongoing (lifelong?) problem for some with bipolar disorder. I have a sibling who has had the diagnosis for over 20 years and she has had many waverings over that time period as to whether she believes she needs her meds. Just mentioning this (like donleyc, I am not a doctor; just a relative of someone with this disorder) because it is possible that you won’t see your son achieve that “acceptance” as a pre-condition to his moving on.</p>

9

<p>Do you have a relationship with your son’s psychologist? I suggest asking him or her opinions on making the transition to college and also encouraging your son to discuss this during counseling. I second the plan to call the school’s counseling center and discuss his options for the upcoming year. You may want to bring up the possibiliy of a gap year again–with no pressure, of course.</p>

10

<p>I’m just wondering that with the way the HIPAA law is set up, it can be difficult in monitoring and obtaining medical/psychiatric information for someone who is over the age of 18, and I know that if parents wish to be able to secure this information, certain forms need to be filled out, and the student needs to sign for it.</p>

11

<p>I have a friend in a similar but not exactly the same situation. His mom ended up moving ended up relocating near the school. That might sound a bit extreme, but it helped him a lot with his grades and college life.</p>

12

<p>So much depends on the severity of dx and the adjustment to meds. Not an easy task to find the proper cocktail. Some people don’t like the dullness of meds and take themselves off when feeling better. That’s where parents are useful, being able to monitor mood/bx changes.</p>

<p>I’m sure his prospective college has an excellent health service. If he does matriculate, I’d want to meet with the MD/PhD. It wouldn’t be appropriate to know content of sessions, but at least if he attends weekly meetings.</p>

<p>Sorry about the situation.</p>

13

<p>My brilliant brother had his first psychotic episode (of ten) in the month after he graduated from college. How he made it through college is a mystery. He was shunned by his male peers eventhough he was a brilliant student athlete. In retrospect, he was so ill for so long. He had a terrible shrieking temper when he was a boy. </p>

<p>running…how to tell you this…this is an illness which has no cure. That fact is nearly impossible for a brilliant young man to accept. It is also nearly impossible for his family to accept. No matter what you rationally KNOW about his illness, you won’t be able to stop yourself from projecting your health onto him. I still do it to my 43 year old brother.</p>

<p>Even after twenty three years of living with my brother’s illness, none of his family recognizes the signs of his mania–until he is on the hospital doorstep–and we are terribly clever people with lots of history and experience and medical advice. </p>

<p>We can’t help ourselves. In his mania, he seems happy ( and successful and ambitious) and we want him to be happy more than anything. In the end, however, it doens’t matter what we want, or what he wants, it is a chemical disorder and it is out of everyone’s control. Even as wildly successful people who seem to be able to do anything, we never had control of that illness–and , in all likelihood, neither will you.</p>

<p>Transitions are tough for bi-polar patients. Sticking to a routine, close to home and unconditional support-- that’s the best chance for mental health. On the other hand, you have a boy who wants to live his life. He wants to live a normal 18 year old life. Drinking and drugs put him at enormous risk for psychotic episodes but he is 18. He doesn’t have the cognitive faculties to understand consequences yet. Even if he did, who knows if he would heed those consequences.</p>

<p>All I can say is that you cannot control the course of this illness. You can do your best–and that means getting him the very best, most specialized care you can afford. You can love him to bits no matter what he says, no matter how low he gets, no matter what trouble he gets into when he’s manic. </p>

<p>You can be there when he needs you but know in advance that he may go through a long period of deep anger. You are his parents. Deep in his heart he probably believes you can ‘fix’ that illness for him. You can’t but he will want to believe that you can. It is heartbreaking for you both–for the entire family. He may say many horrible things to you as he grapples with the permanence of the illness. I’d say our family acceptance came in year…18 of his illness?? Truly. It takes ages for true acceptance to settle in.</p>

<p>If your son is adament about going away and you have resources to evacuate him (ie great insurance) if need be–let him go. If you don’t have financial resources then steer him closer to home–closer to a hospital you trust, closer to people who love him unconditionally. </p>

<p>Finally–find a support group. Find someone like my 73 year old mother and my 76 year old father who went through the same suffering and have the insights you need. </p>

<p>Cyber hugs to you and your family. My heart goes out to you all.</p>

14

<p>What a sad story, Cheers. We have heard both successful and tragic stories about people with bipolar illness. Has your brother found any medications that work for him? (Which ones?) Does he have any idea what precipitates his manic episodes? Does he also suffer deep depressions? So far, we’ve only seen this one episode, but it was life altering for us. My son has not yet learned about bipolar disorder (except for the things I’ve told him) and so he doesn’t understand why I’m so worried.</p>

15

<p>I am going to say to trust your son. </p>

<p>However…I would get proactive with “help” for him at college. Dig in so he knows where to go, who to trust, how to help himself, etc…</p>

<p>The reason I am saying this is because you state his grades and SAT scores are perfect.</p>

<p>He needs to learn how to live with his illness and I would just begin.</p>

<p>My MIL is schizophrenic and I watched the family “accept” and figure out how to handle her over the course of 20+yrs. She is on Zyprexa right now, which has been a Godsend for her.</p>

<p>If he is doing well then take advantage of that. Be postive and proactive. If he blows it, he blows it.
Go from there. Good Luck.</p>

16

<p>If your son goes away to school, privacy laws will protect your son, and shut you out. </p>

<p>From what you have written, it does not sound as if your son is in charge of his own illness yet (and as Cheers painfully pointed out, sometimes it takes decades for young men). As such, I would try like the dickens to have him start college closer to home, and see how he does, when you have a watchful eye on the situation. </p>

<p>If he is farther away, you cannot contact health centers, mental health professionals, etc. to keep you apprised of your son’s condition. The only way you will know what is going on is by his own self-admissions, and that may not protect his health and safety.</p>

<p>In the long run, it will be his choice to take meds and control his illnes, or not. At the moment, I think parental input and control is still necessary.</p>

<p>Best of luck.</p>

17

<p>runningman:</p>

<p>your son must be told about being bipolar and what it means. Only then can he know why it is important for him to be on meds. I agree that a period of experimentation is important. It is also important to line up support at the school ahead of time. Keep in mind that since your son will be an adult, you may not be entitled to information about his health.</p>

<p>I’d suggest having a long talk with your son, and deferring the decision as to whether to matriculate this fall or later. You may want to contact the health services of the college for a discussion of this issue, and you also should discuss the possibility of a deferral with the admissions folks. I’d wait until after April 1 to do so, assuming that your S has also applied to other colleges and is awaiting news. He can then choose among the most supportive.</p>

18

<p>Re privacy laws and parental access to medical information:</p>

<p>Some are saying that the parent <em>will not</em> have access to that information. I’m not sure that is true. At the first University my S attended, there was a form for him to consider signing (he did) which allowed us access to any and all health information. He could rescind it if he wanted.</p>

<p>At the school he currently attends, this has never even come up. I don’t know whether some schools refuse access and have no provision for students to waive their privacy right, or whether they just don’t make a point of going over this at Freshman Orientation.</p>

<p>So, you may have access with the right waiver (son willing).</p>

19

<p>Runningman,
I am sending you a P.M. I have a close relative who was recently diagnosed with bi-polar type II and epilepsy. I do not have permission to share details publicly, hence the P.M.</p>

<p>I will suggest publicly that you take trips to the library and your local bookstore and read as much as you can get your hands on. I have found that typing a summary of pertinent information and sharing it with the newly diagnosed patient to be helpful. Resisting a diagnosis of bi-polar disorder is pretty common. Your son may feel ashamed and/or embarassed about his diagnosis. Unfortunately, there is still a stigma in our society about mental disorders. (That’s why I don’t have permission to post publicly about my own experience :).) I hope that your son can accept that he has a biologically based disorder. I am a big believer in patient education. Knowledge truly is power!</p>

20

<p>HIPPA and privacy laws are such that most colleges won’t even answer parental calls, particularly when it comes to health and disability services. I have seen dozens of such cases. So, while some colleges may, I do believe they are not required to under the law, whether or not the kids sign a waiver.</p>