Birthday Blues........need some HUGS

Parent Cafe
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<p>Hey y’all~</p>

<p>O.K., this is a shameless plug for some hugs and emotional support. Sorry. <em>blush</em></p>

<p>Winter is “birthday season” around here. Five of my six kids have winter birthdays. All of my girls are on the last day of a winter month (12/31, 1/31, 2/28), and two of my boys birthdays are coming up this week, my oldest and my youngest. Ironically, both of those boys were due on March 3…only 11 years apart! I had PIH with both, both were induced on Feb. 24, and they ended up being born one day apart (think DAYS long labor with the first–on pitocin!). </p>

<p>Birthdays have always been hugely celebrated around here, but for me, they are also poignant reminders of the inevitable–that one day all of these kids will be “grown up” and gone. <em>sigh</em> </p>

<p>This year, though, is particularly difficult. It will be the first year EVER that I will not be with my oldest on his special day. For some reason, this is hitting me really hard–I could hardly sleep last night just thinking of him being 1250 miles away without his family on his 19th birthday. Has anyone else felt like this? It is just tearing at my heart…</p>

<p>And then on top of that, my youngest son will turn 8 the day before my oldest will turn 19. <em>I DON’T WANT HIM TO GROW UP!!!</em> O.K., that had to be said. Despite my wishes, HE wants to grow up. Despite my wishes he IS growing up. Neither he nor nature is listening to me!! <em>lol</em> ;)</p>

<p>I know that I have so little time left to be the mother of this exuberant little boy whose new “grown up” front teeth are just slightly too big for his still-babyish face. This little boy whose sweet, loving nature and naivete may or may not withstand the social assault of the public schools. This little boy who, if his hair gets even slightly too long, has this little tuft that stands up at the back of his head like Dennis the Menace (we call his two crowns his “doublers” and I kiss them every chance I get…if I ask him for a kiss, he comes over and turns around and leans his head back so that I can kiss them 'cause in true little boy fashion, he’s not overly fond of kisses on the face). <em>lol</em></p>

<p>On the 28th, my youngest little girl will be 11. She, too, is growing up, despite the fact that she is still this dainty, delicate, gorgeous little bit of a thing. Soooooooooooooooooo loving. Sooooooooooooooo innocent. Yet one more step in her journey to adulthood…</p>

<p>This in inevitable. I realize that. But it is hard. And NOT being with my oldest on his birthday? That is the hardest thing of all. :(</p>

<p>Any suggestions on how to make his birthday extra special from afar would be greatly appreciated. I have a quadruple batch of his favorite cookie dough in the fridge and am planning on sending a bunch of homemade cookies along with the gifts I’ve bought and packed. I have one of his local friends contacting one of his friends at Duke so his dormmates will know. What else can I do? </p>

<p>Thanks, y’all, for indulging my pity party. I so appreciate your wonderful support!</p>

<p>love, ~berurah, who wishes her kids could stay young forever!! :)</p>

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<p>{{{{{{HUUUUUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}} to Beurah! Hang in there, you’ll be okay eventually. </p>

<p>For your 19 year old, the cookies sounds like a grand thing, and I’m sure the roommates will make the day memorable. How about blitzing his email with e-cards, like one every hour?</p>

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<p>{{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you Berurah. I know just how you feel. That first birthday away from home :frowning: :frowning: :frowning: My baby turned 18 just 3 days after we dropped her off 1200 miles away from home. It was sooooo hard. But I did throw her a surprise party in collusion with her room-mate. (sneaked in a box of balloons, streamers, banners, wacky hats, kazoos, under her roomie’s bed, and had 3 H&D chocolate cheesecakes delivered on the day). She was thrilled, plus made lots of friends via the cheesecakes.
I believe you can have Birthday cakes delivered in many schools. We just prefer cheesecake ;)</p>

<p>His favorite homemade cookies sound like the perfect gift.</p>

<p>At least you have 5 more to hold onto. They do grow up and go away so fast. Can you even believe that pretty soon they will be home for the summer. Yay!!</p>

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<p>

Moominmama~</p>

<p>I like this idea!!! Thanks!! And thanks, too, for the hugs…they are MUCH appreciated! love, ~b.</p>

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<p>Wait…if his birthday is in 3 days, you better get that dough in the oven…get away from CC honey…</p>

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<p>

<em>lol</em> choc!! I’m baking them tonight and overnighting them tomorrow…I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO disorganized and such a procrastinator (plus, he would not give us ONE gift suggestion!!!—gotta love a kid who doesn’t ask for anything and turns down everything we offer, but it makes birthdays HARD to shop for!) And anyway, his birthday is still FIVE days away!! It’s on Sunday! ~b.</p>

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<p>Big {{{{hugs}}}} to you berurah! I love the idea of sending e-cards every hour. The cookies are great, too … I’ve always heard that the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach :slight_smile: . I wish your son a happy birthday and hope you will have a good day then, too. Hang in there!</p>

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<p>berurah- nearly every milestone of DD senior year has been marked with bittersweet emotion. Last time we will all be together to get a Christmas tree, her last birthday at home, her last time to march with the band. And now you have brought to mind a whole new realm of “firsts” to contemplate. First birthday away,etc. Oh man…this is really something to think about. I think you sound like just the kind of parent that any kid will be missing sorely on their first birthday away from home. I hope your cookies turn out perfectly and and weather the trip in the mail…maybe you can find a funny picture of your son when he was five or six (perhaps with no teeth) and include it in your card. Hugs…from momnipotent</p>

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<p>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</p>

<p>Those little guys and the big guy won’t be the same, Berurah, but they’ll be special in new and different ways. AND they’ll ALWAYS be your babies no matter how big they get.</p>

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<p>Berurah, you are always so generous with your hugs that I will send you some for any reason at all. Just think: soon there will be grandchildren :slight_smile: with birthdays to celebrate. </p>

<p>I am hoping that your 19 year old has good friends with him to celebrate his day, and I hope he is having a great time. Sounds like you have a really close-knit family which means you have many, many reunions and fun times to look forward to still. </p>

<p>As far as what to send…ahm…money? gift cards to his local stores?</p>

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<p>Hugs! Hugs! Hugs!!! :slight_smile: :slight_smile: Lots of love.</p>

<p>Think of the “away at college” phase as the uncomfortable middle part between having the kiddies at home and having grandkids. Older kids are that much closer to getting married and having kids - something tells me that you’ll take to grandmothering quite well. :)</p>

<p>Birthday suggestions: I love the idea of overnighting cookies. :slight_smile: Absolutely love it. Last year was my first birthday out-of-state, and my family buried me under sweets. My (recently passed) grandmother went online and found a local chocolate store to send me a basket full of goodies. My sis did Harry & David - they even have special birthday-cake and balloon cookies. My mom sent H&D for Easter (which was really close to by b-day), so I got pears and cheesecake. </p>

<p>I’m always a huge fan of getting cards from my little siblings. The whole family should send cards - don’t do one big family one that everyone signs. The 8-year-old will probably make utterly adorable cards that your S would love to show around the dorm. (Maybe I’m a complete girl, but I always show up my siblings’ handiwork.)</p>

<p>Next year, you should make a calendar of home (if you haven’t) - snapshots of the fam, favourite haunts, family pet - and give them to the college kids for Christmas. I have my siblings up at school. </p>

<p>Hugs. Lots of love from the South. :)</p>

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<p>First birthday away from mine was very hard too. He was a premie and so tiny and frail looking. Now he’s grown and healthy and quite handsome too! (Yes, I’m a little biased.) It was difficult being apart, but knowing how happy he was with his school helped me a lot.</p>

<p>Anyway, I did what Chocoholic did except I mailed everything. His dorm floor made him a cake and I sent enough stuff for all 40+ on his floor. The silliest party hats I could find which were a mix of strawberry shortcake, bob the builder, care bears, etc., with matching napkins and cups, those roll-out noise makers, kazoos, bouncy balls, balloons, glow sticks, etc. They had a great time with everything. One trip to the party store or Target should do it. </p>

<p>You might ask if one of his friends could videotape him with his cake, presents and friends. Seeing him enjoy his “birthday party” might help you not miss being with him. Hugs to you.</p>

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<p>I agree college kids love cookies and money/gift cards. =)</p>

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<p>OMG, <em>tears</em>, y’all are the BEST!!! I’m in the middle of baking and wrapping, but I’ll be back!! What would I do without y’all???</p>

<p>I feel totally enveloped in a <em>HUGE</em> CC hug!!! :)</p>

<p>love, ~berurah</p>

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<p>{{{{{BIG HUG}}}}}</p>

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<p>I know how you feel. I didn’t have this with the first kid because her birthday is Aug. 27, right before she leaves for college. But this year was the first time I have had one of my children have a birthday away from us…my younger one. She turned 17 in fall of freshman year at college. And I felt just like you. It was hard to not have celebrated with her. Birthdays were always a big deal here AND my kids had a birthday party every single year up to college and so this one normally would have had she been home. She already got her main presents before she went to college. I did get her tickets for her birthday night to see Sweeney Todd on Broadway with her roommate (she loves that show). </p>

<p>I have made my kids elaborate cakes every year on their birthdays, and even half birthdays! So, it is like a tradition. So, first I looked into how to get a cake from her school…was ridiculously expensive. So, then I did something that seemed nuts but my D loved it and it was more like keeping up the tradition. I baked a cake and decorated it…not as elaborate as other years…not in a shape or anything. I decorated it right in the rectangular pan. Then I put Saran Wrap over it and found a box the same exact size and stuck in candles and streamers. I put it in the mail. I figured it would never arrive in one piece but it did. My D opened it and loved getting it and then when she came back from the show, lots of friends came over for a little party with my cake. Yeah, I wasn’t there but a piece of me was, in a way. So, if you send something like that which you did on other birthdays at home, it will make 'em feel like you are there in spirit. You know, this stuff is hard on us moms! (not as much on the kids)</p>

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<p>HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!
I know it’s difficult. A couple years ago, DD was at Duke TIP program at Wake Forest when she turned 16! I contacted the RA, sent a check and they threw her a surprise birthday party! It was hard on me, but knowing she was having a great time made it easier. You will still hurt, but focus on the great time he will be having eating those wonderful cookies and as a mom, a terrific one, at that, you can bask in his fun to ease your pain. A party in a box, with cookies, napkins, a gift or two, cups, etc., sent to a dormmate will be a terrific surprise for him and make it even more special knowing it came from you. If he can’t come to the party, have the party come to him!</p>

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<p>Well, y’all, I feel a little bit better…the box is packed and ready to go! I made a framed picture collage for him with pics of the sibs and his girlfriend (and D’s boyfriend, who is absolutely a part of this family too!), and I managed to fit about 6 dozen cookies into the box that I had bought (even packed with bubble wrap between each layer!). S called tonight, and he rarely calls on a weeknight and in fact, rarely calls AT ALL unless he has a specific thing to tell us. I think that maybe he’s feeling a bit w<em>i</em>s<em>t</em>f<em>u</em>l too…</p>

<p>To all of you who responded, I can’t thank you enough. At times like this you tend to feel SO alone, and it’s just so comforting to realize that you’re not, KWIM?</p>

<p>choc~
I’m so sorry that you had to go through this with your D so early…right after you dropped her off!! That must have been so very hard…that was a difficult enough time for us as it was. I am definitely going to try and find a local place to deliver a cake or two. Personally I LOVE the idea of cheesecake (and my D’s would too), but S has never quite taken to it? Is cheesecake a girl thang?? <em>lol</em></p>

<p>Splashmom~
Thanks SO much for the hugs and the birthday wishes for my son! I would definitely have to corroborate your sentiments about food being the best way to a man’s heart! D’s boyfriend is over here for virtually every meal, and he gave me the sweetest birthday present this year…a gold necklace with “Mom” spelled out on it! I guess I have 7 kids now! <em>lol</em> :)</p>

<p>momnipotent~
OMG, I remember last year so vividly, when I, too, was counting down all of the lasts! Those things can be so tough on us sentimental types, can’t they? It truly makes for a bittersweet last year of high school. Well, all I can tell you is if <em>I</em> can make it through that (not that I had a choice NOT to <em>lol</em>), then YOU can too, and you WILL! My heart goes out to you, though, because I do know exactly what it is like. Thanks so much for the warm thoughts…they are much appreciated! {{{{Hugs}}}} to you as you approach this last spring of your D’s h.s. career!</p>

<p>andi~
Awwwwwwwwwww, andi, thanks for your HUGE HUG (girl, you are gettin’ BRAVE!!! <em>lol</em>) and your sweet thoughts. I don’t think I have to tell you what you mean to me because I am quite certain that you already know. Love you lots!</p>

<p>patient~
You are just the sweetest…thanks so much for the hugs and the positive thoughts! You are right about one thing…there is pretty much always something to celebrate around here, and if there’s not—well, we just FIND something!! That’s what happens when you get a ton of food lovers together in one house!! <em>lol</em> Again, thanks for your support–it truly means a lot!</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>aries~
What can I say, girl? I want to move you into my house! Do you think that I could entice you with some great wine and chocolate—and maybe some homemade cookies and biscotti? I am famous for my biscotti! Seriously, though, I thank you SOOOOOO much for your love and hugs (and know that I will return them any time! :)) and your wonderful suggestions for making my son’s birthday special. You’re the best!</p>

<p>over30~
Oh, gosh, how special is THAT to see your little preemie baby grow to be such a gorgeous and strong young man?? My son was small too, only 5 lbs. 6 oz. at full term because of the PIH (he didn’t grow during the last three weeks of the pregnancy). And yes, it is especially gratifying to see him become such a grown up man. I LOVE the fun party accessories idea!!! I can just picture all of these college students running around with party hats and blowers!!! HOW FUN!!! Thanks so much for your post, for your great ideas, and also for the amusing visual…you really brought a smile to my face!</p>

<p>kwtortoise~
Thanks for the suggestions from one who knows! The cookies will be on the way tomorrow, and one of my friends is sending him a GC (and we’re sending wrapped gifts), so hopefully we have all of our bases covered! Thanks for posting!</p>

<p>Susan~
Wow!!! You MAILED a cake??? I wish I had posted this a bit earlier because I definitely would have tried that! Great idea! I make those big chocolate chip cookie cakes for most of their parties…I have a great recipe that everyone loves, and they seem to like those even better than real cake. I actually considered trying to find a way to mail one, but I opted to make little chocolate chip cookies instead (they’re his favorite of my cookies). I may have to try the cake next time though. Y’all sound like you celebrate birthdays in the same way that our family does. It must have been hard to have your youngest away this year. {{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you…and thanks so much for your support!</p>

<p>evitajr~
It sounds like you had a trial run for this college birthday stuff with your daughter being away at TIP that year! She must have been so surprised to have her birthday celebrated in that way while she was so far from home. That’s what I am trying to pull off for my son. I had a local friend of his contact one of S’s Duke friends through Facebook, and I’m hoping that that friend will get some kids together to throw a little party for him. He will receive gifts from us and from some friends and his girlfriend…now, all we need is that party, though he may consider getting to sleep in ('cause it’ll be a Sunday) party enough! <em>lol</em> Thaniks for the HUGE HUG sweetie!! Love ya!</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>Berurah,
I see the drama has passed, and the box has been shipped but I wanted to chime in with a birthday story too. My daughter turned 21 a few weeks ago and I found myself in a slight funk knowing that she would celebrate it without us. She had also been one for yearly parties. </p>

<p>The first year she was at college there was a lady who advertised in the parents handbook as a cake baker and I had a nice cake delivered to her dorm. Last year I sent her a box with cookies and presents but this year, I was bummed because it was the big 21 and I just wanted to be there but we had already made plans to go out two weeks later (this past weekend) and couldn’t go twice since it’s 17 hours away. In our family it’s a tradition to give 21 gifts on the 21st birthday so what I ended up doing was packing her a big box and sending her 10 presents that she could open on THE day. The remaining 11 came out with us this past weekend. Now most of these were not big presents but each one was wrapped and I put a post-it note with a hint about the contents and a number signifying the order it should be opened. For instance #1 was a toothbrush and a note saying good morning!, and the one for @ 3:00 was three presents wrapped together with a post it saying, “know your roots” and had in it a Hershey chocolate bar, a bag of pretzels and her favorite tastykakes - all made in Pennsylvania. Some of the presents were more appreciated then others. The big present - an ipod- came with us so we could see her big smile when she opened it.</p>

<p>Turns out that the day was a very busy one for her because she had classes most of the day and then worked that night at her campus job. But she enjoyed all the presents!</p>