<p>Just had to post since I have read for several years now that when a southerner says “Bless you heart” that is a snarky sarcastic code word in response to someone. I am transplanted Texan (Dallas) who moved to Georgia (Atlanta) 26 years ago and I’ve been saying “Bless your heart” as long as I can remember and I never, ever meant it “snarky”. It was a term of empathy - honest! I can’t be the only one that didn’t think there was a negative connotation to this term? So please don’t tell your kids that if they go south and hear that term that someone is being rude behind their back…not everyone down here is that rude.</p>
<p>I think this term relies quite a bit on the context on the conversation, the relation with who is saying it, and their body language. I have heard “Bless your heart” used both ways. </p>
<p>No. I am from NC and grew up meaning it when I said it. Empathy. I don’t know why or when it changed to become something “ugly”. I do find myself not saying it any more nowadays.</p>
<p>Speaking as a dialect nerd, not a native speaker of Southern English…</p>
<p>I think that saying “Bless your heart” TO someone is usually a gentle and empathetic gesture.</p>
<p>Saying “Bless her heart” ABOUT an absent third party means “She tries, but she’ll never make it.”</p>
<p>Yes! “Bless her heart” means “OMG! She’s hopeless.”</p>
<p>Even when speaking TO someone, I’ve heard “Bless your heart”. It’s ties in with Flossy’s “OMG! She’s hopeless”…I’ve heard it said in a way that means “Good luck because you’re going to need it!”</p>
<p>Saying it to someone’s face is an expression of empathy and is conveyed that way.</p>
<p>The same can be said when talking about a person who is not present at the time of the conversation but is also sometimes used in a derogatory vein also too. I don’t think you can really understand it unless you grew up using the phrase is a few different ways.</p>
<p>Well, I guess I’ll have to pay more attention now to body language, intonation, and facial expression. It’s not my nature but reading the responses above I can see how one can become cynical. </p>
<p>My MIL used to say it both to and about my girls whenever they were upset or had fallen or had some other misfortune. </p>
<p>To: “Oh bless your sweet little heart!” as she wipes off tears.</p>
<p>To me after witnessing my D’s distressful event: “Oh bless that sweet little baby’s heart.” </p>
<p>MIL is the only person I can remember saying that. I don’t use that phrase, none of my counterparts do…</p>
<p>Guess it’s a regional/generational thing?</p>
<p>“Bless your/her heart” was always a kind expression as used by my “people” in eastern NC. It would not occur to me to use it in a snarky or unkind way. </p>
<p>I lived in the south for five years. I initially thought it was a nice thing to say, and sometimes it comes out that way. But I eventually realized it was a way to soften up something that would otherwise be looked upon as rather rude. As in, “Oh honey, your butt sure looks fat in those pants…bless your heart!” “My gosh, you just about tripped on your own two feet when you walked up here…bless your heart.” “She’s definitely not the brightest person you’d ever meet…bless her heart!”</p>
<p>So you really have to figure out the context. It’s pretty obvious. Something said sweetly, without any earlier insult, is probably meant nicely. Something that is rather rude or snarky, followed with the “bless your heart,” is still just rude and snarky. When I hear someone say, “bless your heart”, I have the automatic urge to say, “kiss my butt.”</p>
<p>Tiredofsnow, I’m in eastern NC(born and raised) too. Most of the time when I hear “bless your heart” it really is in a kind way. Once in awhile you might hear it used sarcastically but for the most part it’s not. The local newspaper even has a weekly section of the paper called “Bless your Heart”. It’s generally about people who have done something nice for someone else.</p>
<p>busdriver, maybe it’s kind of like another (northern?) expression I dislike…“just sayin’.” Somehow it absolves people of responsibility for hurting someone’s feelings when they state a “fact.” "Her butt does look a little fat in those jeggings…just sayin’."It’s often said with a shrug, as if it’s a truth everyone else recognizes but few are willing to acknowledge outright.</p>
<p>transplanted Southerner here: I think it relies on context. It can be an expression of sympathy/empathy said directly to someone. But more and more, I hear people using it “behind someone’s back” with a great amount of snarkiness. And, I have now discovered that the phrase has a British equivalent - “bless 'im” or “bless 'er”. Same dual meaning based on context. In both countries, it’s kind of implying that someone is a hopeless case. </p>
<p>Agree with packmom and megmom’s first part. Am a transplanted northerner in the south, and when I hear or use it, its typically a sign of concern or sympathy , as in “I am so sorry to hear that”. Its not used as sarcasm, and I have a pretty good sarcasm detector. That said, I’ve not really heard it used “behind someon’s back”, and when someone is talking behind someone’s back, it may de facto be less than kind in its content or tone.</p>
<p>I’m relieved to read this thread! My kids have gone to school in the South and now live there, so we’ve traveled there quite a bit. Occasionally someone has said “Bless your heart” to me when I’m visiting. I thought it was a charming regional saying. Then, like the OP, I read in several places that it’s actually a kind of putdown. Glad to know that it’s not likely to be an insult in face-to-face conversations. I have enough trouble decoding people I don’t know.</p>
<p>^^^^frazzled, you’re right, it probably really isn’t said to you in a bad way. But I personally give people the benefit of the doubt anyway and don’t come out of the gate looking for insult. I’ve never seen anyone use that phrase maliciously. Then again, I’m in Texas, and sometimes we are “southern” and sometimes we are “western.” Maybe that explains it.</p>
<p>Southerner by birth here and Texan/southerner for last 35 years. Bless Your Heart is not a put down face to face but is definitely one when talking about a third party, as has been said. “Look at that outfit! Bless her heart!”</p>
<p>^^^That sounds like a “look at that outfit! Poor thing.” You know, a sorry for her thing, vs. say, “Look at that outfit! What a freak! (laughs hysterically while pointing)”. Still doesn’t seem snarky to me. But I’ve seen people say it on TV where it’s clearly meant to be ugly. </p>
<p>I agree it has multiple meanings, and I think it’s true that in person it’s usually positive, as in: “Grandma, I picked flowers for you!” “Well, bless your heart.”
Behind somebody’s back, it suggests the person is clueless. “I hear Little Floyd is tryin’ to get into med school.” “Well, bless his heart.”</p>