I find myself in the position of leaving my book club o f 2 1/2 years because of remarks that other members have often made about people from my state. I’m feeling that it is small minded and unkind to make disparaging remarks in a friend group of only around 5 people. Anyway, the last straw was when I didn’t attend the last meeting (for the first time ever), they decided that “life is too short” and that it wasn’t ever necessary to read the chosen book. Now, everyone has a reason not to have read the book at some time, but to make it policy? I feel that dislike of a book can spark a great conversation.
So, what is your book club’s policy on reading the assigned book?
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I think there are book clubs and there are social clubs. Sounds like your book club became a social club.
I used to play mahjong at the senior center. I decided that the women there acted more like junior high than seniors. I decided to take myself out of that “club”. I said that I have lots of others things going on and one activity had to go. And that was it.
I’m not in a book club. Guess I’m not much of a joiner
I think they can keep calling themselves a book club if they’d like, but sounds like they are a group of people who like to get together and do “whatever” more than talk about a book.
I was only in a book club for a short period of time, but we all at least tried to read the books, even if we weren’t that fond of the choice.
I’m in more than one IRL book club but my favored one has the “you don’t have to read the assigned book” policy. The book club leader wants one and all to feel comfortable coming whether they read (or finished) the book or not. If life interferes with reading - as it so often does - you can come and enjoy the discussion anyway. Once someone started chosen book and decided she didn’t like it; after listening to the discussion, she decided she quit too soon and picked it back up.
I prefer to think of the book as “chosen” rather than “assigned.” I personally don’t want to feel required to read something I’m totally not interested in. It happens rarely but I don’t plan to read the July book for a different book club. That one too also has the relaxed “not necessary to read the book vibe.” I may go the discussion; I’ll just say I didn’t read the book. However, I like the people in the book club. It sounds that you aren’t feeling good about those in your group. That may be what makes the difference for you. It would for me.
Anyway, most of us do read the book and enjoy the discussions. The book club has about 8-10 in it.
Hmm … come to think of it, the CC Book Club encourages readers of the book and lurkers to be a part of it. Someone always throws in a valuable comment about the topic without having read the book.
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I used to be in a traditional book club but I found that it was too boring.
I am now in a bookclub where each person chooses their own book to read and present to the group. That usually starts a discussion about the topic and some people then choose on their own to read the book later. It’s much more fun. You can go and not present a book, also.
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My book club started 30 years ago when our kids were in early elementary school. For many years we were 12 women and over the years a few left and a few moved away and now we are down to 6 consistent members. For many years we met monthly and the host planned the dinner with people volunteering to bring sides and drinks. Whoever was hosting the next month brought a selection of books and we voted on what to read. We switched to alternating between a local cafe and a home meeting. With Covid the meetings got further apart and we now don’t have a regular meeting. Every few months one of the members will send out an email or text about getting together. We now no longer read a book but we catch up on life and talk about books we have been reading. To be honest at this point I just enjoy being with them.
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I am in 2 IRL book groups. In both, the aim is to have everyone read the book. However, many months there are some who did not finish. Mostly because of lack of time, but at times due to not getting into the book. We had one member (who has since moved away) who would typically not finish the book because she said she would give a book the number of pages of her age and if it didn’t grab her, was not going to finish. I found that annoying. We don’t withhold spoilers from those that don’t finish.
In both, but particularly in one, we often spend more time discussing life in general than we do on the book. In both we have a social time and then talk about the book.
I don’t have a problem if most members finished the book but a few did not (8 or so members in each). I would, however, not be happy to be in a book group where not reading the book is a policy. I would then have to decide if I enjoyed their company enough that reading the book is not the reason for getting together.
I just left a book club like that. There were about 8 of us that met regularly and usually at least 2 would have not read the book. We would meet for about 2 hours, but only talk about the book for 30 min. The last one I went to we had read a very pertinent book with disturbing themes and one of the members basically shut down the discussion with “It’s too dark, I didn’t like it, I don’t want to talk about it.” She hadn’t even finished it! It was common for the people who hadn’t finished or even read the book to hijack the conversation fir more social sharing. I realized I needed something else.
I just joined a book club through our local bookstore. We talked about the book, in depth for the whole time. It was great!
I totally understand why some people really enjoy the lighter, more social vibes of some book clubs - the kind that wouldn’t expect everyone to have read the book, I just was craving something more academic.
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As someone who has been a book club wannabe, I can’t even understand a book club where you DON’T read or try to become familiar with the book!
I saw an idea the other day that I would love to be part of. A cookbook book club. Pick a cookbook or a cookbook author. Review the recipes and pick one to make. At “book club” share the book you read, what you learned, what recipe you made and how it was.
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I’ve been a part of a book club for about 15 years now. All of us had kids about the same age in the same school system, so we are very connected.
Our feeling is that it’s fine if you haven’t read the book. We get together at someone’s house, chat for awhile, eat, and then discuss the book. We have great discussions, so I don’t mind if some of us haven’t read the book. I’m just thankful to be connected to such a wonderful group of women who get along so well. 
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I belonged to a book club for many years when my girls were younger. We were all moms that had met through our kids school. We would meet at someone’s house each month and we would all bring an appetizer and wine. It was fun the first few years, but then a few of the members said we were not spending enough time talking about the book and spending too much time just socializing. The group that wanted to spend more time discussing the book then broke off from the others. Eventually the book club fizzled out.
D2 and I joined a newly formed book club in April. It is a nice group of young women (I’m the oldest) and we meet at local restaurants and breweries that have a space for 15 to 20 people. We have our third meeting this Friday. I have enjoyed the discussions at the first two meetings and I have loved meeting new people. This book club is definitely part discussion and part social which works for me.
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I started a book club here. I will make a confession: I really started it as a way to just get together socially and have community. I will read a bunch of books anyway.
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My mother was in a book club like that. I think they knew ahead of time what the book was going to be, so others might read it, but there was no pressure to try to read it.
I always make myself read the CC Bookclub picks, because I’ve often enjoyed the discussions of the books I hated the best, and sometimes I even realize I missed the point of the story in some cases.
I’d like to be in an in person bookclub, but haven’t found one. My coop art gallery has an art themed one that I may try.
@abasket I was part of a cookbook club before Covid. It was such fun. We started off exploring cookbooks from the library collection, but in the end it morphed into themed lunches. Sometimes things from a particular part of the world, sometimes a holiday (Valentine heart shaped sushi was particularly memorable.) One guy was really into fermenting and pickling things. He had a really good kimchi.
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The cookbook club at my local library selects one cookbook each time that all the attendees cook a recipe from. No signing up beforehand, so sometimes two people make the same recipe and that is fine.
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I’ve been a member of a book club since 2014. We meet monthly and the books are decided for a whole year at a time. Sometimes a member will say they couldn’t get through the book, and that’s not a problem. We meet for one hour at the library, and discuss the book for the entire hour. Socializing may occur before or after that hour, but not necessarily.
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We had one member that would consistently steer the discussion away from the book we read, often to another book she read (but the rest of us had not). She had very strong opinions and was sure she was always right. At times it was very difficult to deal with. She moved away and even though we are still friends, don’t really miss her in book group.
We also have a long-time member who tends to dominate the conversation. We have to talk over her to get our thoughts out. It depends on the book, but sometimes i want to tell her to stop already, but I also feel a bit sorry for her.
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Oh, that is so tough. We don’t have anyone like that in our group, thank goodness.
I was trained as a group facilitator, and part of the training involved how to get the dominating person to STOP already.
I was actually trained as a facilitator many years ago for our local Mothers’ Center. I mostly remember all of the active listening training along with some focus on re-directing a dominating member. Seemed easier to implement when I was the facilitator rather than simply one of the group members. But good point to re-visit some of those skills.
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Good point - a facilitator has a little more “authority” to steer people.