<p>My Dad passed away a few weeks ago and while it has been very difficult for all of us, it has been, naturally, devastating for my mom. She told me that she signed up for Elder Services (has never driven and depended on my Dad for all of her transportation). Elder Services sent her a pamphlet about loss and grieving that she found enlightening and helpful. It has made me think about the fact that her generation is, generally, much less enlightened about issues concerning psychology, self awareness, etc than my generation. I am wondering if anyone knows of a good book about loss or grieving that I can get for her that might help to give her comfort in the next few months. I know there is a classic one about the stages of mourning but I can’t remember the name. Any suggestions would be appreciated.</p>
<p>[Amazon.com:</a> Lament for a Son (9780802802941): Nicholas Wolterstorff: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Lament-Son-Nicholas-Wolterstorff/dp/080280294X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1304138316&sr=1-1]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/Lament-Son-Nicholas-Wolterstorff/dp/080280294X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1304138316&sr=1-1)</p>
<p>This book deals with a loss of adult child, but you may find it helpful…</p>
<p>The book you are thinking of is On Death and Dying by Kubler-Ross. It is really an a study of how people deal with impending death (both their own and other’s).</p>
<p>This may not be at all what you were thinking about, but The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion chronicles the year after she suddenly lost her husband - what she thought, how she felt, etc. I was not in that situation, but still thought it was a wonderful book. I am so sorry for your loss. How wonderful you are trying to help your mother at this time when you too must have a heavy heart.</p>
<p>Thank you, all. I have heard of “The Year of Magical Thinking”. Is it difficult reading? My mom is very intelligent but not an avid reader. Maybe I will pick it up for myself and try it out.</p>
<p>My H is a chaplain in hospice care - I know many such organizations have resources for grief and bereavement, including groups, books, and services. You may also check to see what other resources Elder Services has.</p>
<p>This link has several books listed that may be helpful:</p>
<p>[Bereavement</a> books, Books about Grief](<a href=“http://www.journey-through-grief.com/bereavement-books.html]Bereavement”>Bereavement books, Books about Grief)</p>
<p>My mother-in-law had a difficult time following the death of my father-in-law. She was doing ok physically, just could not shake the sadness. After this went on for a long, long time, she reluctantly agreed to her doctor’s suggestion to try an anti-depressant. I’m not sure what she takes. But the medication was the beginning of her reemergence into a state where she could experience some normal happiness.</p>
<p>I’m not saying your mom is going to need medication. She may work it out on her own. But if her depression doesn’t show signs of abating after an extended period, it is one thing she might consider.</p>
<p>Thanks, Skyhook. We’ve got that angle covered 
It’s only been a couple of weeks so I think she is actually doing well, considering. I just thought it would be good for her to read something that validates her feelings in a way that, sometimes, even well meaning people can’t. When she read the little pamphlet from Elder Services she was almost surprised to find out that there are people who understand loss and the feelings associated with it so I thought a book would be even better. I will keep an eye on her, as time goes on, though, to be sure that her depression doesn’t worsen.</p>
<p>My condolences to you, your mother, and your family, EPTR. My FIL died several months ago at the age of 73. My inlaws have always been very active people and his death was very sudden. A friend gave us a book entitled “Have Heart - Bridging the Gulf Between Heaven and Earth” by Steve and Sarah Berger. It’s a bit more religious than I would like, but I think it’s a very nice book and might be helpful. Everyone grieves differently, so all I can suggest is to be patient. My MIL goes through periods of calling us in tears and depression. My husband says he feels guilty because he doesn’t want to “stay in that place” and wants to move on, but it’s difficult to do so with the calls from his mother. I told him we just have to be patient and supportive. I can’t imagine the pain that one goes through when losing their love of 60+ years. I can only suggest love, understanding, patience, and entertainment to try and take her mind off it occasionally.</p>
<p>Thanks, Splashmom,
I will check that book out. We have been trying to keep her busy. I’m going to get fat taking her out to dinner three or four times a week! lol.</p>
<p>I was also going to suggest the Year of Magical Thinking. I have read it myself and enjoyed it greatly.</p>
<p>More importantly, the reason I even heard of it is because a recent widow at my golf course gifted it to a newer recent widow. They both felt it was very valuable reading.</p>
<p>I do not think it is a difficult read in terms of writing style, not at all. Some people might find it tough because of the subject matter, but my recently widowed friends found it comforting, and helpful in terms of someone journalling the experience that was now theirs.</p>
<p>The Year of Magical Thinking was very helpful to me when my father passed, even though it is written from a widow’s perspective. I have read On Death and Dying and found that to be a real struggle to get through. </p>
<p>I am very sorry for your loss, EPTR.</p>
<p>Well, The Year of Magical Thinking, it is. Thank you for your kindness. I know it will be a long journey for my mom and she will never be the same but she has four loving kids to hold her up.</p>
<p>About a month before any of us knew that my father was ill, and barely two months before he died, I read Amy Tan’s “The Hundred Secret Senses”. For once, I’d done the reading before I actually had to take the class.</p>
<p>I agree, The Year of Magical Thinking is not a difficult read and if you are looking for something that “validates her feelings”, it would certainly fit the bill.</p>
<p>Of course your mother will never be the same, how could she be. But, she will get through it with the help of her loving children.</p>
<p>I was able to pick it up at Border’s today for 60% off because of their going out of business sale. Thanks, everyone!</p>
<p>When The Year of Magical Thinking was suggested for my Book Club, there were several members who were strongly opposed to reading it. They worried that it would be too dark and depressing.</p>
<p>We did read it, and many of us recall it as one of the best discussions we have ever had. One of our members had lost a daughter at a young age, many many years ago before any of us knew her, and we did not know of this. The discussion of this book prompted her to share and she felt that the book had great meaning for her.</p>
<p>It can be, I guess, a powerful book.</p>
<p>Yes, I know that this kind of reading is not for everyone. My own tastes lean toward somewhat dark themes both in literature and art so I know I won’t have a problem. I’m going to read it first and then give it to my mom after a bit more time has passed.</p>
<p>After we lost my mom last summer, my sister gave me a copy of Healing After Loss, Daily Meditations for Working through Grief. It was written by Martha Whitmore Hickman. It has one page per day of the year, with a quotation followed by an interpretation of that quote. It is intended to be read one day at a time, and is a nice tool as one moves through mourning.
My condolences on your loss.</p>
<p>^^^
I will look for that one, too. It would make a good Mother’s Day gift. Thanks!</p>