Where to begin…the last 9 months have been difficult for my husband and I , me in particular. We have been seeing a counselor for the purpose of keeping our marriage together ( this is really, really difficult for me to divulge here )
I know that members here will read this post and pass it over without comment for whatever reason they have
We have one daughter together and 3 from our previous marriages
Unfortunately, our daughter is aware of what has happened and has been burdened with it while the others are blissfully unaware.
There have been a lot of ups and downs in the last 9 months , but we are both trying really hard to make things work and stay together
In the last month or so, our daughter has been struggling and unable to find a therapist to see , so I suggested she see our therapist. I had , up to that point trusted her
She has had 3 sessions with her. The other day, my daughter and I had a discussion about some issues and she revealed to me that our therapist shared confidential information with her …
When I heard this, i was livid…
I have researched about confidentiality with MHCP and in no way was what she shared acceptable ( i.e. no one poses a threat to themselves or others and no criminal behavior whatsoever occured that might make it ok to share info )
So now I am faced with a dilemma. There is no way in hell I will see this therapist again, even though I agreed to go with my daughter for her next session , and also, I really and truly believe she broke her oath as a mental health care practitioner .
So then, what do I do ?
I cannot and will not subject my daughter to anything as far as confronting this therapist , but how do I deal with this other than walking away and no longer seeing her ?
As a side note, I have been a member here for a long time and I am feeling vulnerable …I could easily cancel my membership , but oddly I feel comfort from support here.
I would report her to your state licensing board. Totally unethical and unprofessional. I’m so sorry this happened to you. What a violation of your trust!
Sorry you are experiencing such emotional turmoil and great that you are seeking help, supporting your daughter and trying to make it work.
I have no idea about the code of ethics involved but I take you at your word. With that in mind I would back burner my emotions and humanize the therapist for a moment. Was her motive in sharing the info earnestly trying to help your daughter. Was their any malice?
Again I can’t advise you nor should I. I would however suggest you consider the situation in its totality juxtaposed against the ultimate goal of doing what is best for your family. Your emotions are understandably raw but please try and at least contemplate what serves your eventual goal of family peace and harmony.
Oh, that is unconscionable! If it were me, I would tell her that you know what she did, and then report her.
My kids’ doctor is so careful that if I mention my daughter in front of my son while in an appointment, the doctor goes blank and does not respond at all. I have to ask S to leave the room, even if I’m just scheduling an appointment for D.
I am so sorry this happened to you. How does your daughter feel about seeing her? I would try to find someone else for her too, if she’s willing. Have you spoken to the therapist about it? I think you deserve an explanation. I wouldn’t confront her in front of your daughter, but I’d make it a point to speak with her.
I’d call her first thing in the morning and lay into her. And then find two new therapists – one for you and your husband, and one for your daughter. And then report the blabbing therapist to the authorities. There is no way any therapist can do that. It’s drilled into them from Day One.
And, I am very sorry you’re going through rough times, @lje62. This is the last thing you need.
Please don’t leave. We would miss you so much, and I think you would miss the support you will get here.
I’m not sure what t do about the therapist. I would have a very frank talk with her without your daughter’s presence, and then decide what to do. There would be too many possible variables for me to decide without more information from her about what she actually said, her thought process, etc.
I am just shocked and not sure what to do with the information I know. I feel with every fiber of my being that she violated her oath but I won’t pursue it if it means dragging our daughter into it…she cannot handle it
There is no dialing it back…the toothpaste cannot be put back into the tube
Therapist here. Please talk directly with this therapist about the situation. In person or on the phone.
Then decide how to proceed. You will need to talk with your D about changing therapists.
It is tough as you want to proceed with caution in explaining to her why. It is important she does not feel responsible. You will find the words as you know her best.
If you are using insurance call the behavioral health and tell them you are having difficulty finding a therapist for your D. You can explain “family situation”, “stress” and such without giving your personal situation.
You can get information from your state about how to file a complaint by going to their website.
Complaints are taken very seriously. Consequences can be required supervision, financial penalties, or loss of a license to practice depending on the severity of the situation.
I am so sorry for this and the added stress to your life.
Truly wishing you and your family the best.
I would schedule one more session between you and the therapist, and discuss what happened. At least find out why she felt it was appropriate to share what she did. This is a problem with having the same therapist - we sometimes have joint sessions with my daughter’s therapist, and he listens to anything I have to say to him, and asks her permission to share with me. Is it possible she though sharing this information would be helpful to both your daughter and to you? You need to know the intent before you take further steps. If it was a genuine lapse of judgement, I would treat that differently than purposeful sharing of confidential information. Is it possible she thought your daughter already knew what was shared?
Whatever you do, give yourself some time to digest what has happened. If your daughter was seeing her because you were having trouble finding someone else, you will still have trouble finding someone else - now two new therapists, because you really can’t share, it’s a conflict of interest. You aren’t comfortable with her, but she saw you longer, so having your daughter stay with her just increases the risk of another disclosure. The toothpaste is out, as you say, but you don’t want even more. Your next step might be family therapy with all three of you, to help your daughter deal with what she was told.
@oregon101 - is it ethical for the therapist to have started seeing the daughter at all? I would think if you are treating someone who may possibly be discussing things about their family members, you cannot then treat a family member.
I remember talking to my child’s therapist at one point with the child’s permission, and the therapist kind of dialed the conversation down and said they did not want to hear certain information from me because it would be hard to separate it from what the child was reporting. Nothing controversial etc but the therapist wanted to keep a “clean slate” whenever talking with the child.
To the OP, I am so sorry this happened. Therapists are only human and I cannot imagine trying to talk to both a child and a parent and keep straight which facts are known by which party. IMHO the therapist should have been upfront and said I cannot guarantee that topic X will not come up etc.
If you think this person can still help your daughter I would probably suck it up and go in service of helping your D. But find a new person for yourself.
I completely understand your reticence and discomfort coming on the forum with this but am glad you did. Many great responses.
I am in the camp of those who suggest a meeting with the therapist to discuss what was told to your daughter, why it was shared, and hear what the therapist has to say. This is not to deny it was violation of confidentiality, or that you probably will get a new therapist once trust has been broken. But it is better for you and your daughter to move on in a positive spirit. So a meeting between you and the therapist without your daughter, and then perhaps, if there is any benefit for your daughter, a meeting with her.
Sharing a therapist is difficult. And the therapist would have to be very focused in terms of keeping boundaries straight. I know it is part of training, and a good therapist would be mindful enough not to cross those boundaries, buts some might lose that focus and make a mistake-?
I don’t have advice but hope you continue to feel safe sharing here. I’m wondering if the therapist thought your D knew everything about your situation- or if your D guessed or gave the impression she knew things, and the therapists just confirmed her suspicions. I’d hate to think the therapist so readily broke your trust. What a frustrating experience all around, and when you’re trying to reduce and address stress, not add to it. I give you a lot of credit for working on your marriage, or at least trying. We’re here for you.
surfcity, there are many variations to the answer to whether a therapist
would see multiple family members. In a small community there may be few therapists
at all. With very young children it could arise that a few sessions with the parents would be
helpful. Sometimes teens want the therapist to be the interpreter with the parents.
The variable that is an absolute is that every party agrees and understands the boundaries
that are in place. This should be discussed and even re discussed.
Good point…this therapist is the owner of the practice and she has been helpful to a certain degree…I have sort of hit the wall with her personally since I have come to her with struggles and she has sort of glossed them over without addressing them .
I had a talk with my daughter the other day about things that have been bothering me about her being home this summer and that is how I found out the things she shared …and it largely showed a disrespect towards me
I’m so sorry you had to experience this. It’s VERY wrong and unprofessional. I’m sorry, I don’t know as much about the ethics of the profession, but I would have expected more and better. If the therapist felt she couldn’t maintain confidentiality with your D and you & your H, she should NOT have agreed to have your D as a client. It is so unfair of the therapist to blab and breach confidentiality, no matter what her good intentions!
Finding good therapists for you & your H plus a separate one for your D will be challenging. I wish your family the best through this challenging journey. It sounds like you and your H are working together to try to make things work and I applaud you both!
We had trouble finding a therapist. My kids were in a day program for a week. Even before the therapist spent time with my kids, I told her that my kids had trust issues about being sure that nothing was divulged and the trust had been broken by another therapist previously and got her to swear that she would maintain confidentiality with the kids. The very first session she had with our kids, she and S pushed each others buttons often and hard; D was also present and witnessed it. The therapist thereafter revealed to H & me confidential info that the kids had discussed during the session!
I told her supervisor immediately and asked that therapist be kept away from my children as she had violated their trust and they didn’t want to have anything to do with her. D was afraid that the therapist would have physically harmed S if they had spent any more time in her presence (S is VERY good at pushing buttons). We have been very leery of therapists–had been before but are now even more reluctant after multiple bad experiences (though of course we do know that many folks ARE helped a great deal by good ones).
