BREAKING NEWS: Harvard Admissions

<p><strong>BREAKING NEWS</strong></p>

<p>CNN - Reuters</p>

<p>January 20, 2010</p>

<p>Staff Writer - John Kerry</p>

<p>“Breaking News regarding Harvard Admissions”</p>

<p>As the number of high school graduates rose to a record high at the end of 2009, Ivy League colleges were reporting record-low acceptance rates, leading many to believe that the college admissions process was becoming more competitive than ever.</p>

<p>They were right.</p>

<p>A recent paper by Economist Amanda Hugankiss, intern at “Mad Money with Jim Cramer,” has confirmed this theory. Hugankiss argues that most U.S. colleges are not more selective now than they were 50 years ago and that at least 50 percent of colleges have become substantially less selective.</p>

<p>However, Hugankiss ultimately reveals an earth-shattering detail: Harvard admissions have gone down to 0%.</p>

<p>Yes, Harvard, the worldwide recognized name in education, has achieved the unparalleled. They now can finally hold the title of World’s Most Selective Institution with gleaming smiles and pride. U.S. World and News Report, an annual list of top colleges according to a methodology that heavily weighs selectivity will have Harvard on the top of its list. Kudos to Harvard and its alumni, you can now rest assured that your framed diplomas won’t lose any prestige and your collegues will never envy/resent you less.</p>

<p>Hugankiss indicates that the selectivity of most colleges has been trending downward consistently since about 1950, explaining that although competition has increased for schools like Harvard, and Princeton and Yale (the other lesser Ivies), it is now easier for students to get into a state college.</p>

<p>“A student now needs weaker preparation, lower test scores, etc., to be admitted to most colleges in the U.S.,” she wrote in an e-mail to The Daily.</p>

<p>“If you are the average student, you certainly should not be worrying about college admissions standards rising,” she said. “Unless you wanted to go to Harvard. Now you’re really screwed”</p>

<p>Hugankiss believes, however, that the overall decrease in college selectivity has not been caused by falling demand for a college education. Rather, the supply of “college places” has risen faster. According to her research, the number of high school graduates has grown by 131 percent while the number of college spots has risen by 297 percent. Unfortunately, Harvard has done nothing to aid this statistic.</p>

<p>“There are many more students demanding a college education today than in the past, both because there are more people in the U.S. now and because college education is now more necessary for attaining a middle-class lifestyle,” she said.</p>

<p>Hugankiss astutely reasons with her formerly “unparalleled” Stanford degree that when supply grows faster than demand, selectivity is going to decrease.</p>

<p>In its recent early admission cycle, Stanford, Harvard’s safety school, displayed a 13.5 percent admit rate for early action applicants from the Class of 2014 actually represented an increase in the number of students accepted from the previous year, when the University accepted 12.8 percent of early applicants — a seeming exception to Hugankiss’ theory, perhaps illuminating flaws (in her inferior degree) in her logic.</p>

<p>However, Hugankiss maintains that these numbers are “meaningless” in explaining trends in selectivity.</p>

<p>“If students who applied to Stanford early have better scores and grades than in previous years, the admissions office should have accepted a higher share of them,” she said. “The fact that more were accepted says nothing about selectivity. Clearly, they have no comparison to Harvard’s tactics. You have to look at an absolute standard of selectivity (scores, grades, other qualifications, not being Harvard) to understand the increase. You cannot look at acceptance ratios and expect to get the answer right, even though clearly Harvard’s 0% acceptance rate has alleviated it over all other schools.”</p>

<p>John Kerry is a Staff Writer for CNN. After he lost the election to George W. Bush in 2004, the only job he was offerred was to work for us. He’s just a puppet in the Senate now. He is also a reject of Harvard…and still obviously wouldn’t get in now. This is his first article after he thought for a really, really long time what to write.</p>

<p>Behold, the CollegeConfidential Post of the Year.</p>

<p>hahaha, that’s funny.</p>

<p>LOL 10char</p>

<p>ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!</p>

<p>Hey, I’m not a Harvard grad so maybe that’s why I don’t get it- but i don’t! Can someone explain to me what I’m missing??</p>

<p>If you read through the whole article, you’ll see that it is very obviously fake.</p>

<p>Is it April first ALREADY?</p>

<p>"even though clearly Harvard’s 0% acceptance rate has alleviated it over all other schools.”</p>

<p>Ummm, popnpoper–cute idea, but it might be a good plan to break out the dictionary next time. I suppose you meant that Harvard’s 0% acceptance rate has <em>elevated</em> it over all other schools? “Alleviate” means “to relieve”.</p>

<p>Just sayin’. : P</p>

<p>Someone’s ripped off a recent “0% acceptance rate” article from Harvard’s “The Onion” clone, “Satire V:”</p>

<p>[Satire</a> V – “Holding a mirror up to truth”](<a href=“http://www.satirev.com/article/43463-harvard-admits-recordlow-zero-]Satire”>http://www.satirev.com/article/43463-harvard-admits-recordlow-zero-)</p>

<p>@zenkoan</p>

<p>Clearly I’m not Harvard material ;). Thanks for that catch.</p>

<p>@gadad</p>

<p>I didn’t rip off Harvard’s “The Onion.” I heard the 0% acceptance rate joke from a friend, and thought I would put the joke to a funny article.</p>

<p>College confidential already gave me an infraction for this when I posted it in the general thread…lame</p>

<p>Not funny enough to be funny and since it is admittedly fake it’s “information” has not value either. Wasted my time. Sorry :(</p>

<p>Despite my not enjoying it, it is not clear to me what reason and infraction would be given for such a post.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Whoa - a renegade! What happens when one receives an infraction?</p>

<p>Ask Dwight Schrute. He’ll know.</p>

<hr>

<p>Jim: [picking up a ticket on his desk] What’s this?
Dwight: That is a demerit.
Jim: “Jim Halpert, tardiness.” Oh, I love it already.
Dwight: You’ve got to learn, Jim, you’re second in command, but that does not put you above the law.
Jim: Oh I understand. And I also have lots of questions. Like what does a demerit mean?
Dwight: Let’s put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.
Jim: Lay it on me.
Dwight: Three demerits, and you’ll receive a citation.
Jim: Now that sounds serious.
Dwight: Oh it is serious. Five citations, and you’re looking at a violation. Four of those, and you’ll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you’re looking at a written warning. Two of those, that’ll land you in a world of hurt in the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
Jim: Which would be me.
Dwight: That…is correct.
Jim: Okay, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation.
Dwight: What’s a dis…what’s that?
Jim: Oh, you don’t want to know.</p>

<p>Pizzagirl - funny stuff :)</p>

<p>funny
but stanfor dis def not harvard’s safety school :P</p>