<p>So, my girlfriend and I have really been heating up over the past year, but we are both going to different states for college and I think we both think that it must end at the end of the summer. I do not really want it to end and this is the strongest I have ever felt about someone else. Nonetheless, realistically, it probably must. However, we have been separated for the past month and a half for spring break and athletic events and projects. It seems to me that this would be the best time to end it. I know that if we come back home (in a couple days) and stay together throughout the next four months that our feelings will be more passionate than ever and the inevitable breakup will be devastating. I feel like a month and half of separation is already a big chunk of the pain that goes along with breaking up, so maybe ending it right when I first see her is best. Thoughts?</p>
<p>PS. I already posted in HS life, but wanted perspective from parents and those more mature and more experienced in these matters.</p>
<p>I’m a mom, first of all, and I don’t necessarily think you need to put yourselves through all of this drama at this time. If things are currently good with the two of you (i.e. no fighting, no tears, no huge trauma, still having great times) then why rock the boat just because there’s a big separation coming. Here’s my advice. Hang on to each other for the much-needed moral support at the moment. Leaving home, other friends, family, heading into uncharted territory, etc. is difficult enough without adding heartbreak to the mix. Senior summer can be lots of fun because there’s little responsibility (maybe a job…) and a lot to look forward to (admittedly lots of anxiety too). You can have “the talk” at the end of the summer and it doesn’t need to be traumatic then either. You can agree to whatever terms you decide. Such as: just seeing what happens. You can say that you won’t be exclusive, that you can date other people, that there are no strings attached, whatever the two of you decide. At that time, just be really, really clear about how your relationship will change so that there are no unstated assumptions that can create awful misunderstandings. You can part as really good friends, you can decide to see how the relationship is going through the separation, you can agree to get together over, say Thanksgiving or Winter Break, and reassess. Relationships have been known to last through different colleges, and perhaps yours will too. Or not. Let it run its course naturally, though, and you will have a better time of it for the rest of the time you have left. Breaking up is not necessarily inevitable in a few months, and if it is, it can be done without devastation.</p>
<p>I think you are a very thoughtful and caring young man. If you say everything you’ve said here I think your gf will understand. You never know what life may bring, tho; it sounds like you have strong feelings for a wonderful girl. Sometimes high school sweethearts find their way back to each other after some time apart. DH and I did =). Honesty is the best policy. Share with your girl your thoughts and feelings. She probably feels somewhat the same.</p>
<p>My best friend was going out with someone 8 years younger than her. I told her that I didn’t think she should continue because at some point she maybe too old for him and he would leave her. She said to me that she would rather take that chance and have whatever time she could have with him. That was 20 years ago, they are still together. She taught me quite a bit with how she viewed her relationship - to cherish what you have at the moment and not try to over anticipate. </p>
<p>If you are enjoying your time together and care for each other, what is the necessity of breaking up just in anticipation of breaking up. If that’s the case, then most of us shouldn’t get married because we’ll just end in divorce anyway. I also think it is hard to control your feelings for someone. Just because you are not going out, it doesn’t mean you would stop thinking/caring about the other person. I say, enjoy your summer with each other, and figure out what you want to do when you are leaving for college.</p>
<p>I can understand where you are coming from. I was in a great relationship my senior year of high school. But we both knew that college is a time for self-exploration and growth. So we decided to enjoy our Senior Year together, and our summer before leaving for college. And then we wished each other well and went our separate ways. It was healthy for both of us.</p>
<p>As I type this, we are about to send our S to college, and will be celebrating our 25th Anniversary this summer. We got back together during college, and decided to take it slowly. We married after graduation, and I have no regrets. It sounds trite, but I think that things work out the way they are meant to in the long run. Taking a break doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s over forever. In our case, it gave us time to develop more as individuals, which in turn made us a better couple.</p>
<p>If you are happy together now, and enjoying each other’s company, no need to make yourself miserable now over what is coming in the fall. Skip the early breakup, be happy, and wish each other well in the fall.<br>
You may find that the distance in the fall is what allows you to stay together, or you may be mourning at that point, but there is no reason to accelerate this breakup.</p>
<p>Thank you for all the thoughtful responses. I don’t know. I even gave the same advice to my buddy a while ago, but all my thoughts have recently been fuddled up for some reason. I guess my emotions got the better of me this past day and I kind of panicked or something. I am feeling really good though, now, after a lot of thinking and I know that we will have an amazing summer together. I think my problem is that I am a bit of a romantic and something doesn’t feel quite right with a relationship that is preordained to end (although I guess from what I just read that maybe this is not the case).</p>
<p>I’m not sure that you need to break up at all.</p>
<p>Being without each other while you were still living at home may have been painful because you expected the other person to be there – and she wasn’t.</p>
<p>College may be a different experience. Neither of you expects the other person to be on your new campus. You may be able to be away from each other with a lot less pain. Long distance relationships sometimes work. </p>
<p>Unless one of you wants to be free to date other people at college, perhaps it might make sense to keep the relationship going and then reassess the situation at Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth – I started dating a guy at the beginning of the summer before I went to college. He was halfway through college at the time – at a campus in different state from the one where I was going. We had a mostly long-distance relationship for two years. It was not particularly painful or difficult for either of us. We saw each other during breaks and summers and, on rare occasions, visited each other at college. After two years, he graduated and moved to the community where I was still in college. And two years after that we got married. We’ve been married for 35 years. </p>
<p>I would agree with the other posters that said to relax. There is no reason to make any big changes right now. You have so much going on at this point and in the next few months that you really don’t need to add to that with drama and trauma. There is no reason to stop something now that is a good thing.</p>
<p>It might feel like the time for change is right now just because of all that is going on. You are embarking on so many different new things so it is understandable. You aren’t considering though how much drama could arise from a break up right now. You probably haven’t thought about how you might feel if she immediately starts dating another right away. That is one way that people make themselves feel better after a bad breakup.</p>
<p>As a veteran of many past relationships, i would recommend taking it easy. Continue to have fun together and enjoy your time together. It would be a good idea to talk about upcoming changes and make sure you are both on the same page about it all. Take it easy and see how things go without forcing anything. There is no reason to hurt someone unnecessarily when time passing might make things simpler for you both.</p>