<p>This is Ellen, the other adult in the Mini house. Unfortunately, I got diagnosed with an agressive form of Breast Cancer two weeks ago and our oldest (19) is doing her junior year in Florence, Italy. She is a Smith student. I, my family, and my docs believe that treatment will be sucessful, but am sure that it will be a hard trip along the way. My doc says we should still go to Italy to visit our daughter mid-dec for 10 days. I started chemo yesterday and I will probably do one more dose before we go, so I have enough time to recover somewhat before traveling. I may not feel like doing a lot while we are ther but I will get to spend time with my kid. I am a hospice nurse, so I know a lot of what I am in for. It doesn;t make it easier, but it does mean I have a supportive workplace and I know how to ask medical questions, I even mostly take the advice I give my patients, “take your pain meds and anti-nausea meds at the first sign you need them. They work better that way”</p>
<p>My daughter is having a pretty tough time with the news. Fortunately she was on fall break when we got the diagnoses and was visiting some friends of ours. We were able to call and tell them first so she had a shoulder to cry on when we told her. She is a VERY internal person and would rather hid then tell anyone she is having a hard time. The program directors have been very helpful and supportive but the mother of her host family keeps telling her not to worry. She is the princess of worry (The queen of worry in my family is my older sister, but she has graciously agreed to share some of the worrying with my daughter).</p>
<p>SHe has finally told most of her classmates, I had to threaten to contact her closest friends back at Smith if she didn’t, so she finally told them. They have been writing her, which I know helps. I still am not sure that She has told all of her professors. Fortunately, in the fall they take most of their classes through the Smith Center in Florence. The classes are all in Italian but they are more like her classes at Smith. She is auditing one class at the University of Florence, a big lecture class, and I know she will not tell that prof. I am thinking of asking the director to make sure they know, though I think they may have already done that.</p>
<p>Has anyone else dealt with similar situations or have any suggestions.
Thanks Ellen</p>
<p>Ellen, I haven’t gone through what you are going through, but I want to wish you and your family enormous strength and the best possible outcome.</p>
<p>Oh, Ellen, I am so sorry to hear your news. Your husband is one of my favorite CC posters, and I am very sorry for you and your family.</p>
<p>You are a hospice nurse, so have a good sense of how you will feel, but I know my BIL, who just finished a six month course of chemo for Hodgkins, basically felt too ill to go anywhere, through his treatment. So, I would even be concerned about the flight to Italy, and to make sure you can be comfortable during and while you are there. However, you are likely to feel better, just being able to see your daughter.</p>
<p>In terms of alerting the audit professor, etc. in Florence…I would try to let your D handle it, as much as possible, but if you do make contact, I would go through the Smith Center, or through Smith College.</p>
<p>I am sure others will have more sage advice, but I just wanted to send my very best wishes for a speedy recovery.</p>
<p>Oh Ellen, my heart breaks for you and mini and your darling girls. How unfair. Life is so random, isn’t it?</p>
<p>Having travelled to Italy many times, may I make suggestion? What if you went–but not as a tourist? What if you rented a small apartment near your daughter so that the two of you could hold each other and share a few daily tasks and meals? In that way, you two could support each other with love and Florence could aid your recovery.</p>
<p>Oh, Ellen, {{{{{{{{gentle hugs}}}}}}}} to you, mini, and your precious daughters. </p>
<p>I do not know the answers to your questions, but I am wondering if it might be easier on you for your D to come and visit at home during those 10 days rather than have you go through the difficulty and exhaustion of international travel so quickly on the heels of your chemo treatments, particularly as you will be out of the country? </p>
<p>How are you feeling after your first treatment? Is there any way to tell how you might react to chemo from this treatment, so that you can make the decision about whether or not you will be able to handle the trip?</p>
<p>I can only imagine how very, very difficult this news must be on your daughter who is so far away from you. She must feel <em>so</em> helpless and stressed right now. I’m sure that it will do her a world of good to see you, but I’m just wondering if she should be the one to make the trip so that you can remain close to your doctors.</p>
<p>Please, please know that I and my entire family will be thinking the most positive, healing thoughts for you and praying for a full and speedy recovery. You have a whole virtual family that will be passing along strength, love, and healing vibes. Take care of yourself, sweetie, and please keep us posted as to your progress. If there is anything I can do from afar, please don’t hesitate to let me know. </p>
<p>Ellen - I’m so sorry to hear this news and I will keep you in my prayers. My heart hurts every time I hear of another woman facing this challenge.</p>
<p>By all means, if you feel up to it, go be with your daughter. Seeing you will help alleviate some of her worries. My mom, who was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago (and who is also an RN), traveled to Chapel Hill to spend time with my daughter before her surgery and treatment begins (surgery is Monday, the rest after) and it helped my d tremendously to see her. (They are extremely close.) I think seeing my mom in person helped my d keep the wild imaginations and worries at bay. Your worry princess will definitely benefit as well.</p>
<p>My bf had her mastectomy 9 days ago, and is already up and about. She had 6monthly chemos before the mastectomy and will have 12 more weekly mini-chemos beginning next week. She went to school a few days ago to visit with her daughter’s drill team because they had been so supportive…running in the Susan Komen race for her and bringing her meals… and she wanted to thank them personally. But she also wanted them to see that she was okay and that if they ever have to face such a difficult thing, they will be okay too. Sometimes with young people, seeing is believing and words don’t carry as much weight.</p>
<p>One thing my friend mentioned was that the second day after chemo was her worst, but as soon as the fatigue and queasiness abated, she felt very good. AND she did seem to bounce back very quickly from each of the first two or three chemos. By the last couple of chemos, she was not recuperating as quickly…staying fatigued for a bit longer. As a nurse, I’m sure you know all this; but I think it is very good for your trip that you are early in the chemo process. </p>
<p>I wish you the VERY best. I know this is hard, but there will be a day when you are looking back on this. You will get to that day.</p>
<p>I haven’t known mini long, but best wishes to you Ellen. I’ve had a few friends who do seem quite perky between chemo sessions so I hope you’ll be able to enjoy your trip to Italy. I agree with the suggestion that you go ahead and splurge for business class and anything else that you think will make you more comfortable.</p>
<p>Ellen,
I am so sorry to hear what you are experiencing. Through your husband, I feel like I really know your family. I will ask my Meeting to hold you in the light.</p>
<p>I do not have any direct answers or experiences with your situation. However, it probably would be good for you to get some kind of counseling with a therapist familiar with the type of situation that you’re going through. A therapist with experience and empathy can help you decide what’s best for you and your family.</p>
<p>Ellen, our thoughts are with you, mini and the girls. Isn’t it just like a mother that your concerns are all about your daughter and not for yourself… Enjoy your trip, perhaps it will be a therapeutic distraction. Be good to yourself.</p>
<p>Ellen, I don’t know what advice to give you, but like others said, my hopes and prayers are with you. I also feel I know your family, and often quote your husband to my husband. Much hugs to all of you–I know you are a strong family, and the bonds you all share will certainly help you get through this.</p>
<p>Ellen, I my thoughts are with you. I think that going to Italy, if you are feeling up to it, would be great! I just wanted you to know that a relative of mine with a very aggressive cancer had several rounds of chemotherapy, and he only experienced one evening of nausea (after his first treatment). He did not experience any nausea after that. The only other side effect was fatigue. I was quite amazed at how good he felt. He even told me that he wished that he would feel sick, because if he felt sick then he would know that the chemo was working.</p>
<p>Sending many hugs and wishes of hope to you and your family. Our family has gone through a similar experience the past year and a half, only it was our youngest D and not I who was diagnosed with cancer. Having two of her sisters far away at college and only one relatively close by was difficult for her at first. We made it a priority to get everyone home as often as possible, because she was truly not able to travel herself. It was not always easy, or inexpensive, but you do what you can do. </p>
<p>As a nurse, you know what the possibilities are for how you’re going to feel and you also know what you yourself are capable of handling. I know that if it were me, I, too, would want to fly to Italy and be with my D. I understand your feelings absolutely. My best piece of advice in the journey you’re about to undergo would be to accept ALL offers of help. My friends organized such a network of assistance that I literally didn’t have to cook a meal for months, nor pick up dry cleaning, grocery shop, put gas in the car. We will be forever thankful to them, and to the young people who are friends of all 4 of my Ds who did everything possible to lighten my baby’s load. I hope that your friends rally to support you, mini, and your girls. I’m sure they will. People are good-hearted, I truly believe that.</p>
<p>My second piece of advice is to keep a notebook where you can write questions you may have (and the answers when you get them) until you get the opportunity to speak to your doctors. Both my D and I kept journals and I used that to keep track of what doctor we’d seen on what day and what he/she said. It’s simply too difficult to remember every detail when you’re under that kind of stress. </p>
<p>We will be sending you lots of positive energy from Canada. Sharing the worry always makes the burden a little bit lighter.</p>
<p>Thanks all. I will only be do two rounds of chemo before we go and while I am tired and alittle queasy it is manageable if I take my meds and doon’t try to do too much. The parents on my 16 year olds gymnastics team are making us 3 months worth of Dinners Done Right and 3 friends from our Quaker meeting came over to clean this week before I started chemo. We have a strong network of friends who have offered all kinds of help. I expect to be taking them up on it. A close friend and my 16 year old daughter and I went to look at wigs this afternoon. I am not good at costuming, so the whole idea of a wigs was really hard. Mostly I expect to wear scarves and hats. Anyway, the woman at the Salon was wonderful and found me a style that I was comfortable with and will look good. She has to order it but it should be here in a week or so. It is so good to be done with ordering the “medically necessary cranial prostesis”. </p>
<p>We have rented an apartment in Florence, though we did have to make a switch to anapt. with an elevator becaause the orginal apartment we rented was 3 flights up with no elevator. This way I can use my ebergy for what I want to do. We thought about having here come home but we all really want to go, so we are. I will check on upgrades but I am expecting to take drugs and sleep most of the flight.</p>
<p>I did write the director of her program, who is one of the Smith Italian Dept. faculty, and asked to make sure my D’s professors knew what was going on. I acknowledged that it is my D’s responsiblity to talk to her professors if she is having problems with the work but that it might be easier for her to so that if she knew that they knew what was going on. </p>
<p>Thanks again for all the support. My mom who is a 14 year survivor is coming out to visit right after Thanksgiving. If I feel good we will play and if I don’t she will make me chicken soup.
Ellen</p>
<p>Ellen, my prayers are with you and your family. I think getting an apartment in Italy is a great idea for however long you can do it. My parents have always regretted not coming over to France when I was there for my senior year of college. Go for it but make the necessary accommodations so that you are comfortable. I think your D would benefit so much from seeing you; your physical presence in her world would probably reduce the imaginary worries that are roiling through her head and heart. Plus it will take your mind off of things somewhat for all of you. I’m so sorry that this is happening to you but there is such wonderful medical technology now that there really is a lot of hope for the long run. Be strong.</p>
<p>Ellen, hugs and prayers for a successful treatment and complete recovery. My husband just had prostate cancer surgery this past week with both of the kids out of town at college. Our daughter was frightened, but we reasured her as best we could. Our son tends to internalize things and I just objectively provided him as much information as I could. It is tough on a family and my heart goes out to you. As for Italy- go for it and do what you can!</p>
<p>Ellen, If a positive attitude is essential to recovery you’re certainly on the right road. The wife of a close colleague has fought an ongoing battle with breast cancer for about 5 years now. Her daughter, who recently graduated from an ivy league school and moved across the country to start her career, decided to move back to her hometown to provide emotional support to the whole family, to her mother of course, but also her father and younger siblings.</p>
<p>It seems this is often the eldest daughter’s role. My associate, the father, who is the breadearner and has an extremely high pressured job, initially felt overwhelmingly guilty about “disrupting” his daughter’s life, but ultimately came to realize that the bond between mother and daughter made this a natural choice that both were comfortable with. </p>
<p>The father is a reserved and somewhat cynical fellow and reaching out to his business associates (and even friends and family, I would guess) was very difficult for him, but he made himself talk about his wife’s illness, not for pity but for support and understanding. We all learned a lot from him.</p>
<p>My colleague said the best advice his wife was given was not to put her cancer on the top of the list of things to worry about on a daily basis. Deal with it, yes, but go on with life. </p>
<p>I have been to Florence many times and always return emotionally and spiritually refreshed. It’s not a physically demanding city to enjoy and I think that no matter what your religion the watchful eyes of the Blessed Virgin could only be therapeutic. (There’s an idea: the Raphael cure!) Plus a good dose of pasta wouldn’t hurt.</p>
<p>Good luck on this journey and let us know how you feel.</p>
<p>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{big Hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to all of you.</p>
<p>just another sending thoughts, prayers and good wishes to you and yours for a complete and speedy recovery. It sounds as you and mini are raising 2 amazing young women and I hope that you have a wonderful visit with your dd.</p>
<p>ld & mowc,</p>
<p>My continued good wishes and prayers to you and yours and wishing them also a complete and speedy recovery.</p>
I’m sure that it will do her a world of good to see you, but I’m just wondering if she should be the one to make the trip so that you can remain close to your doctors.</p>