<p>Can I pass along another suggestion when a friend is facing something serious like this? Don’t say “let me know if you need help”. Asking for help is hard. Say things like “I’m on my way to the grocery store. Do you need milk?” or “When is your next doctor’s appointment? Can I give you a ride?” My very, very best friend would come in and unload my dishwasher for me, and mop the floor. </p>
<p>OhMother, just remember. This, too, shall pass. One step at a time. You’ll be OK.</p>
<p>Dear OhMother,</p>
<p>No advice, just a lot of warm thoughts, good vibes, and prayers heading your way.</p>
<p>Sending prayers and energy your way, OhMother. In 1977 my mom had bc when I was a junior in college and my sis was a freshman. My folks decided not to tell me 'till they had more info, but I found out when my sis called to ask if mom was out of the hospital yet. This was, of course, a difficult way to find out. So good for you for sharing with your girls - letting people in, especially just=passed=adolescent=ones, can be tough. </p>
<p>My mom is now 80 years old, and a few years back the doc informed her she was no longer a bc patient but a heart patient and her angioplasty was like giving a car a new engine and she had another 50k ahead. She soldiers on.</p>
<p>Surviving the bc (and the adolescent years!) are things so many folks struggle through these days. I guess my favorite saying for this stuff is, “Another f***ing personal growth opportunity.” Ahh well. Love to you and yours.</p>
<p>Oh and - re/ the effect on studying - for me there were some days I could not concentrate, and other days where I would laser in on studying as a way to exclude worries. It all kinda balanced out.</p>
<p>“OhMother, just remember. This, too, shall pass. One step at a time. You’ll be OK.”</p>
<p>Absolutely true! My good friend, and now my mom, and I have long conversations about 6 months from now and next Christmas and any future point in time when treatment will be a memory. We always laugh because you know how when the holidays roll around and you shake your head and can’t believe it’s already Christmas again? Well this is the one time that ‘middled-aged/can’t believe how time flies/I must be losing my mind’ thing pays off big. </p>
<p>And I completely agree with peggy with how best to help someone dealing with cancer treatment. I always called my friend as I was pulling into a store parking lot to find out if she needed anything. When you are already there, it is easier for a friend to ask. Of course, most of the time, my little ‘warrior in pink’ friend would say ‘I just got back from the store - I can’t believe I missed you!’ But I tried…lol!</p>
<p>This is so interesting. Just eight weeks ago I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. (I’m 48 with no family history) My D is a sophomore in college. She has a great support group of friends from home who are really being great to her. Her college friends don’t know me and just are not helping her through this. She has been home a couple of times and we talk a lot. I am honest with her. My prognosis is very good. I started chemo and radiation three weeks ago and am feeling well. I have surgery ahead of me and more aggressive chemo after that. I too do not want to dig too deeply or read much about it. I only feel comfortable sharing this with CC (as far as the internet goes). As usual all your posts were keeping with my attempst at being positive.</p>
<p>Wanted to respond to burlmom - You’re fairly new (I assume, judging by post count, and the fact that your screen name isn’t familiar to me, which might only mean that I’m getting old…) but what you’re dealing with must be pretty rough right now. I’m glad your d has been able to support you, and that your prognosis is good. Good for you for making an effort to be positive! </p>
<p>Mainly just didn’t want you to think that the lack of follow-up posts means no one read it or cared! Sometimes we just don’t know what to say.</p>
<p>burlmom - I just checked back on this thread and saw your post! This is the definitely the place to be for the cyberhugs and good vibes! Please check in and keep us up to date with your treatment…there are quite a few here going through the same thing or have loved ones going through it. We definitely care.</p>
<p>burlmom - so sorry about your diagnosis. This forum is filled with warm, upbeat, caring folks. Staying positive is the goal, but some days are better than others. I try not to see the down days as a trend, just a blip. A sense of humor goes a long way in helping to keep things in perspective. I received my prescription for a “cranial prosthesis” (insurance lingo for wig). A friend in theater said she couldn’t wait to say to me, “Your cranial prosthesis is left of center stage”. </p>
<p>The nice thing about the folks here - they are all parents and most have kids around the same age as ours. The advice is invaluable. Thanks everyone.</p>
<p>Prayers for you.</p>
<p>Hi Burlmom,</p>
<p>It’s been a while since we have heard from you (maybe you have just been doing more lurking and less posting). I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but I am glad to hear that your prognosis is good. I also hope that
your D is doing well.</p>
<p>Sending Big huggs, prayers and wishes for a full and speedy recovery going out your way.</p>
<p>Yes, I have been doing more lurking and less posting. I read CC a lot. It’s been invaluable to me in the college application process. Besides my D who is a sophomore in college I also have two boys ages 16 and 12. This diagnosis has been tough on all of us. I have been trying not to read anything on the internet about it. So much of it can be depressing. When I saw this thread on CC I decided to take a peek and as usual CC was so comforting. Every post I read was informative and positive. This is exactly what I need right now. Thanks to all of you.</p>
<p>I got diagnosed with breast cancer last Nov. My D is a junior doing her jr year in Italy. Fortunately, she was visiting some friends of ours when I got diagnosed so we were able to tell her when there were supportive people with her. Her first response was that she wanted to come home. We said no way but we were able to arrange my chemo so we could still visit her last Dec. The visit helped a lot. I did chemo first and I am having a double mastectomy next tues.
I don’t give her the blow by blow of how I am doing, just the general overview. Her 16 year old sister gets to live with the grumpy moods, chemo brain and days when I feel crappy. Older D is planning to come home for the summer and get a job her rather than looking for one somewhere else. It will be good to have her home esp since I expect this will be her last summer home.
I have found two good online support groups bcsupport.org and BreastCancer.org
burlmom and Ohmom sorry to hear about your diagnosis and I hope treatment is not too hard on you. Chemo sucks but you get through it. I have found it is good to keep a sense of humor. We really have no control over what we have to deal with just how we deal with it.
Ellen</p>
<p>burlmom: I, too, am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Hugs and prayers going out for you…</p>
<p>I also wanted to share that I have a friend who went through this same thing. She was a bit younger than you are now and she is doing well and that was some, oh I guess 12 or so years ago!</p>
<p>Thank you mini and churchmusicmom. You’ve brightened my day today. My D is coming for two weeks for spring break. I too try to just give her the general overview and I try to keep it really upbeat. Her younger brothers are obviously seeing the day to day stuff. I usually try to spend some fun time with her on her breaks but I think this time we’ll try to watch some movies on the couch for our quality time. We all have to adapt.</p>
<p>mini Hugs and prayers to you for next Tuesday. You sound like your good attitude will help you get through your next phase.</p>
<p>Mini - Thoughts and prayers are with you for next Tuesday. Although I only had a single mastectomy, I was out of bed that evening and home the next morning. I think I would have preferred to go home earlier actually as a hospital is not the most re****l place to be. Many small pillows are helpful. I’m glad your chemo regimen allowed for you to travel to Italy for a visit. I’m sure it was meaningful for both you and your daughter. How far apart were your treatments? My husband and I are supposed to go to Hawaii this summer for our 30th wedding anniversary, but at this point I’m not sure if that will work out with the chemo schedule.</p>
<p>Do your children have webcams? DD#2 has introduced me to skype which is a wonderful way to communicate. I haven’t gotten a webcam yet, just have a microphone. She has one and I can easily see and talk with her. It’s a wonderful thing and helps shorten the distance. I also have a 15 year old that gets to live with the day to day. Burlmom - curling up on the couch with a movie is one of our favorite things. Middle daughter had a concert last night and oldest and youngest had one tonight - each one in a different location and hundreds of miles apart. I talked to D#1 & #2 today about their concerts and friends and studies. The oldest will be home for dinner tomorrow, middle one home around Easter for a weekend. Thanks for the encouragement - keep your head down and pedal!</p>
<p>We use skype sometimes, but our D does not have internet access at her host families home and so we have to use skype when she is at school with her computer and not in class. With a 9 hour time difference that is sometimes difficult. It has cut down on the cost of being in touch, though not allways reliable, we were trying to talk to a friend in asia yesterday and we could only hear every other word. </p>
<p>I was able to arrange a long enough break in my chemo to go to Italy, in fact the trip was one of the first questions we had for my oncologist. I had 2 treatments that were 2 weeks apart and then at 4 week break. Then I had another treatment 2 days after I got home. You should talk to yours about timing. Even if you do go, don’t expect to be up for doing as much as you would if you were well. We had a rented apartment and I took naps everyday. We had to lower our expectations of what we would be able to do, but at that point it was enough to just see my kid. You might also want to wait until after treatment.
Ellen</p>
<p>I got home from the hospital yesterday. I only had to spend 1 day there, I am really glad to be home. The surgeon saw no signs of cancer remaining and I will get the pathology report by the end of the week. My 16 year old D thinks the drains are really gross. I am doing ok, mostly sore and achy but not really in pain. I may go nuts trying to do nothing until the drains come out.
Ellen</p>
<p>You are all so brave, I have tears in my eyes reading these posts. Loving thoughts and prayers are being sent your way as you wonderful women deal with chemo, nausea, surgery and family.</p>
<p>mini - do be good and take it easy, easy, easy or you will be amazed at how long a doctor will think those drains need to stay in place!!</p>
<p>Congrats on the early indicators of good news and fingers crossed that the pathology report brings more of the same.</p>
<p>Glad all went well for you, Ellen; sending a gentle hug. Sounds like you all are doing well, hearing the g word from a teen probably means emotions are pretty much out in the open - yay.</p>
<p>My mom used to say if Happy Rockefeller could get through this, she could, too. </p>
<p>I have learned some interesting things being the daughter of a mom who had bc. I have taken a class on self exam, where we felt up plasticene boobs with various lumps and bumps; I am religious about mammograms and have had a breast get stuck on the mammography machine (sorta like in the summer when your tush gets stuck on the carseat). Ouch, baby.</p>
<p>My favorite was taking a self breast massage class with bc and not yet bc gals where we all sat around in a circle topless and raised one hand high while we massaged and self examined and sent the ol’ lymph flowing up and over the shoulders and down the back…</p>
<p>Ahh well. </p>
<p>Ohmother, mini, burlmom - sending prayers and energy every day.</p>