<p>I don’t think I had a bridal shower, ( It was a long time ago)
I may have missed it at the time, but now I think of it as much as the proms I didn’t attend , or the 10th grade boyfriend I can’t remember the name of.</p>
<p>I don’t think its silly to miss it, but you might ask yourself why you would hang onto the past that hard.</p>
<p>Many people have supplies from living off campus in college or living together before marriage. My daughter who married earlier this year, requested no wedding presents, so I doubt they had a shower, which just seems like an opportunity to acquire more stuff.</p>
<p>The things that I have learned about wedding “stuff” is this: My future dil, who is far more religious than we are told us about the 7 parties that are given before the wedding. Most are NOT gifting opportunities…it is meeting families. (Note: meeting families so that inter family stresses are reduced. </p>
<p>What is wrong with these people (not the OP). First we want our children welcomed into their New family. The party can be as simple as a home made salad bar, ice tea and cookies. Or as much as Spago for 50 people. OP wants to feel that people care about her daughter. Not the present part…the love part. I have been known to bring a </p>
<p>I had a tiny shower (10 people) and I do remember every second. And my soon to be mil and sil didn’t come. That was a clear message. On the other hand…I might ask my future sol what’s up.</p>
<p>That’s why I think it would be nice to have a local party to introduce the FDIL to local friends and family. (I would actually go with after the wedding, so that it doesn’t imply that an invitation to the wedding will be forthcoming. It is also less likely to be something where people would feel they were expected to give a gift.)</p>
<p>And it is the responsibility of her bridesmaids and friends or possibly aunts to arrange a shower, if she wants one. Given that she seems to have a large, close family, I would take it as a sign that she doesn’t want one.</p>
<p>Thank you so much to everyone who replied. I appreciate all the advice and ideas! My son seemed a little sad that no one was giving her a shower and I think she is open to the idea of having one. However, as someone pointed out above since I don’t know her family very well there could be a good reason why they aren’t having one. S said he does think her co-workers are planning something for her at work.</p>
<p>I love the idea of a recipe shower - both my son and his fiance enjoy cooking and the majority of their wedding registry is kitchen related. We have many excellent cooks in our family and my son is very close to his grandparents and aunts & uncles and something like that would mean a lot to him. I’ve decided to make a “family” recipe book and present it to my son and new dil at their rehearsal dinner.</p>
<p>@coffeebean17, I think that is perfect! A good friend gave me recipe box with some hand-written recipes in it when I married and I think that was my favorite gift (and I had 3 showers :-).</p>
<p>Host a party in your town where all your local friends get to meet the fiancee. If some of them can’t make it to the wedding due to distance, it’s especially nice for them to have the opportunity to see the couple at the party.</p>
<p>I think if co workers are planning something at work, that will be fun and a special memory. Maybe the bridemaids will get their act together. I’ve always heard family members should not host a shower and would not want to step on in-laws toes by doing this. The recipe idea is cute and people should feel free to include anything from Great Aunt Martha’s coconut cake to their favorite Food Network recipe.</p>
<p>When I was married, my office had a “no gifts” engagement party and then my family hosted a wedding shower for close relatives only (my sisters & aunts, as well as MIL). Don’t recall whether there was another show with friends. The showers were nice opportunities to get together, but the gifts were generally small and mostly sentimental or humorous. I had been living in my own apartment for some years already and didn’t need much.</p>
<p>I love that you have settled on the recipes from your relatives as a gift for the rehearsal dinner. That sounds perfect. Having a nice open house at your home (or a casual restaurant) to introduce the young couple to the neighborhood would be a nice touch, after the wedding and very informal so no gifts would be expected but an opportunity for the new bride to meet people important to your son’s life.</p>
<p>Showers can be as big or small of a deal as people feel they should be. It’s nice that her workplace is planning something for the bride.</p>
<p>I never had a bridal shower. wish I would have been considered special enough for it to have happened. But- Mom long deceased, not that long in new city, H and I were being low key (were center of gossip central in the local medical community), sister and school friends OOS… Did have a baby shower- with premie son the star attraction, home the night before 2 weeks after his birth (who knew planning a shower 5 weeks in advance of the due date would be too late? Did get some gender specific gifts).</p>
<p>Technically family members are not supposed to host showers- it is asking for gifts, after all. But I’ve been to several such ones as a relative. Generally nice for female family members to be silly (but some tales I could tell about the in laws…). A nice shower was held at a casual restaurant a couple of days before a wedding with many guests from far away. It was after the immediate family members ate supper there. A nice way for relatives to meet extended family before the big production. Another shower I did not attend requested family recipes- I sent the banana bread recipe that was one of my noncook mother’s that she had from her in law side. </p>
<p>As to gifts. Both my sister and I independently gave different cookbooks we liked at a mainly relatives shower. The bride’s side hosted and her many sibs gave the type of gifts I would have given for the wedding. We also gave what I thought was a generous check and found out at the next day family get together to meet clan cultural desires resulted in megabucks for the couple. When some refugees make it to the American middle class they apparently do well.</p>