I received my first ever bridal shower invitation and not sure what is the proper etiquette.
It’s for my good friend’s future DIL. I used to work with my friend but in different department (we both retired), have known her for over 25 years, know her son well but our kids were not close, we usually have a get together around Christmas time and that’s the only time we see her son.
I have not met the future bride, so I am inclined NOT to go to the bridal shower since I don’t know anyone except my friend and my friend’s sister in law, and it’s out of town.
Is it ok not to go? Should I still send a gift if I don’t attend and what amount is appropriate (in general)? She has registry in 2 places.
Last fall I attended my first wedding of a friend’s child, a young woman we know, as she used to babysit for us. I was also confused about gifts. I asked two recently married work colleagues what the traditions are for gifts and they both were adamant that for the shower you buy something from the registry and for the wedding you give cash, at least enough to cover your meal and other party costs. I don’t recall these being the expectations when I got married 30 years ago, but they both seemed pretty certain of this expectation. I think etiquette writers differ on whether or not gifts are to be sent if one can not attend an event like a shower.
I only buy into the “cover your plate” philosophy because of where we are in life. I like to think that those of us who are more comfortable buy nicer gifts than those who are just starting out. So for example, when my friends were having babies and I was in my 20s and early 30s, I didn’t spend much on baby gifts. Now that I’m in my 50s, when younger people are having babies, I tend to give nicer gifts. I certainly don’t give a lesser gift for someone who’s paying for their own wedding, and doing it on the cheap, than I would for someone who’s parents are footing the bill for a huge bash. As a matter of fact, I may err slightly towards the opposite.
I don’t necessarily buy off the registry but I do take a look to see themes, colors and general style. I wouldn’t feel bad about not going to the shower but if you are going to the wedding, I’d definately send a gift. Personally, I’d go simple, a nice bud vase is always welcome by new brides, especially if you can find something hand blown or special in another way. Other ideas include monogrammed stationary/thank you notes, personalized christmas tree ornament, a unique serving dish with carry bag. Good luck!
OP, you say you don’t know the bride, but going to the shower is a good way to get to meet her, have a few minutes to talk, find out about the couple’s plans - none of which will happen at the wedding.
If the shower has a theme - kitchen, bathroom, personal items,travel?- you might find something off the register or may just have a favorite item you like to give, like a picture frame or book of recipes. The gift doesn’t matter but you could ask your friend or just pick something off a registry. If there is something you remember the groom particularly liking from your get togethers, give that (a Christmas ornament, recipes for his favorite cookies and the tools to make them)
I’m sure she invited you because she wants you to come so go and enjoy the party.