I do a smaller present for shower, and then a larger present or check for the wedding.
When my son got married, her aunt handed ME the card for the kids, and told me there was CASH inside. That made me very nervous, but I made sure it made it to them after the wedding.
I think of a shower as “girls only”, sort of frilly. Engagement party if co-ed. I guess either could be held with or without gifts. But honestly I’ve been to very few of either type.
I’ve been to girls only as well as co-ed showers for weddings & babies. It’s just a reason to gather and gift (as desired). It’s generally folks I’m very close to so it’s fun.
I also typically do a smaller dollar value item for the shower - however, unless it’s a local bride I usually don’t get the shower invite, which I appreciate because I’m not likely to travel far just to attend a shower of one of DD’s friends or one of my friends’ DD (I might travel for a niece, but none have gotten married yet). So far, the etiquette in my circle has been not to invite people to the bridal showers who have to travel far and pay for flights and hotels.
How much I spend on a shower gift (or whether I have to buy one at all) does not have an impact on how much I give for a wedding gift - but I do lean towards giving more for brides/grooms who I know well (vs. a random invite to one of DH’s employees kid’s wedding, where I don’t know the couple well).
One thing I have seen with the last few weddings I’ve been invited to is a lack of items on a registry (or no registry at all), which I think drives guests to give money gifts without specifically being asked for the money gifts. My parents’ generation tends to have a hard time with the no registry concept because they like to pick a tangible item to give vs. writing a check or Venmo-ing.
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