Assuming good intentions on the part of the bride, she may mean that it such a hassle because of shipping costs and tariffs and so forth. Which I have no doubt it is.
I normally have a clutch-my-pearls reaction to giving money, but in this case it seems like the best thing. People can give her a Visa gift card, for example. I do think that the unwrapping the presents part of the party should be dropped in that case. Substitute some games.
Otherwise she can register for some stuff at an Ecuadoran department store and people can shop online and have it sent to her in-laws.
D originally did not see the point of having a shower as she lived with her H for a few years before, but her MOH and bridesmaids wanted to have one for her. She is the first of her group of friends to marry (another friend got engaged recently), so it was a big novelty for them. She agreed and signed up on a few registries.
We did the same. We ended up getting five travel alarms from a party that dh’s parents gave for us (essentially a casual reception in their town for people who couldn’t travel to the opposite coast for the wedding.) We ended up being able to trade most of those darn clocks in for a good suitcase. We also got a lot of regular presents which went into the inlaw’s attic. It was fun to go through the stash when we returned from overseas five years later. We did ship some stuff with us.
musica, we didn’t do a shower. Mr R and I lived together for several years before the wedding and didn’t see the point in having a shower. However, we’re in the minority and everyone else seems to have one around here- even those that lived together.
However, what we did have was a dinner with many of my parents’ friends who have been important in my life but who had to be cut from the wedding list because we were having a small wedding several hours out of town. We were explicit about no gifts (though a handful still gave money).
Consolation makes an excellent point. Receiving gifts shipped from another country could very well end up costing the couple $$. Same with bringing gifts back or having them shipped. Customs regulations differ country to country.
What about a personal shower! I was at a few of those back when the dinosaurs roamed…and the were fun. Included lingerie, PJs, slippers, a nice robe, maybe a couple of shirts that could be worn on the honeymoon…or a sweater…things like that.
@musicamusica, I’m dismayed how many brides-to-be have showers (as in, multiple ones!) - young, educated women who’ve been working for a while and often living with their boyfriends before the wedding; in other words, young women who already had a household.
It’s always seemed to me a blatant gift orgy to upgrade their existing stuff. Maybe I’m cheap. But do these kinds of brides really need shower gifts AND wedding gifts?
About the only gift I can think of for someone who’s moving overseas right after the wedding is a kindle with a big gift certificate to download American books, something I missed when living out of the country.
It wouldn’t occur to me to care whether or not someone was “established” if I wanted to give them a gift. I’m going to a bridal shower for a 30 yo woman I work with. She lives with her boyfriend and I presume she has household accoutrements but I want to give her a gift because I like her and I’m happy for her and that’s all the reason I need.
Sure, but in that case you would probably give her a present whether or not there was a shower, and whether or not you are invited to the wedding.
And, frankly, you can easily afford to give a nice shower gift and a nice wedding gift: “nice” having been inflated these days to expensive things that in my experience would have been considered wedding gifts. Showers used to be events where brides got little household stuff, like measuring cups and rolling pins, and people played games and had fun.
That is very different from a shower where the gifts cost $100+, followed by a wedding where the gift is expected to be $200+, as we are told.
Anyway, in this case the bride needs to stop thinking solely about her own convenience and give explicit guidance to the friend who is generously hosting this shower.
@Pizzagirl I’m not questioning the validity of anyones generosity. I just thought that there maybe arent as many showers now days since the establishment of a household was why they were given in the past. For all means, give all the gifts you want. We just don’t see them here that frequently. Baby showers but not so many wedding showers.
I have to laugh at the bride saying it is too much of a “hassle” to register. Does she think of what a “hassle” it might be for the hostess to throw a shower where the bride refuses to register and also states she cannot cart gifts to Ecuador. What is the hostess supposed to tell the guests? How should the invitation be worded? A “giftless” shower? It’s really kind of funny when you think of it.
Maybe she should just do a luncheon in honor of the bride to be. A get together for everyone to see her when she is home.
Wedding showers always seemed a bit redundant to me. My friends were grad students and a lot of our wedding presents were stuff you might get at a shower. Dish towels, placemats etc. But my eating group mates thought I should have a shower, so we went out and had brunch and they all chipped in and gave us a waffle iron that didn’t need electricity. (We were on our way to Germany.) I thought it was really sweet of them. In any event, my understanding was always that showers were given by friends because they wanted to give one, not something ordered up by the bride to be. I had registered for a wedding, but not for a shower as well. What is done nowadays? One giant registry with a range of prices that will work for both?
Or s range of stores. You can get inexpensive stuff at a Crate and Barrel, expensive stuff at a Bloomingdale’s or similar. We used to do things like placemats or a salad bowl or ice cream dishes at CB as shower gifts, then a bigger gift for wedding.
I have known the bride since she was 8 years old–now 26. She is one of those people who jumps into things and wants to do it all–I can see her getting very excited about a shower; my D is her friend and happy to host a shower for the future bride (who is the first to get married in a group of four close girlfriends.)
IMO the bride got overwhelmed trying to figure out how she would take gifts back to Ecuador–hence the registering is a hassle remark. Also, she will move into the groom’s family home (which I gather is very large) after the wedding. She has a small apartment in Quito, so she doesnt really need or want household/home goods.
D told me that for the wedding, her friend is going to sign up for a honeymoon type registry–Invitations for the shower havent gone out yet because of the gift issue. Good suggestions here on that point.
Perhaps one of the old fashioned style of showers would work. I’m thinking of perhaps a recipe shower, where the focus is on the recipe collection created by the guests. Each guest would bring a favorite recipe and a small item used to create the recipe.
Each guest could be given a recipe card to go into a loose leaf notebook – and the idea is to create a page honoring their connection to the bride and the recipe they are passing on. A small gift that goes with the recipe is included – such as a melon baller, a vegetable parer, a set of measuring cups or spoons, etc.
The resulting cookbook would be something for the bride to treasure in her new home.
Apologies if this has been said but if the honeymoon destination is known, could people buy " experiences" associated with that? (A dinner, a spa treatment, a waterskiing lesson, etc)
Bromfield, if the bride was overwhelmed trying to figure out what to do about gifts and registering, I imagine that the guests at the shower would have the same problems.
Now I know that when you are 26, it doesn’t occur to you that if you can’t figure this out, neither can anyone else.
To me the experiences for the honeymoon sound like great wedding presents, but surely showers are smaller scale? I love the idea of a recipe shower, but then I like to cook!
Family member here did the honeymoon registry for their wedding gifts. Really those things can be pricey. We passed on that and gave them cash. You know…they could use that also on their honeymoon. BUT this was wedding present, not shower.
I think your daughter needs to talk to the bride. Maybe she can use to something like nice light weight luggage…and everyone can chip in on that.
