My D is the maid of honor for her bff. They have been friends since 4th grade. The bride-to-be now lives in Ecuador and is marrying an Ecuadorian. The wedding will be in the US–east coast venue where the bride’s parents got married. The wedding is in the summer. The bride is traveling back to the US at the end of February; it is he only time to have the bridal shower. My D is hosting it at our house, which is in the bride’s hometown (her parents still live here as well). The invited guests will be friends of the bride from college and high school and her relatives.
My D has the food handled (going to be catered) but the biggest issue is gifts. The bride-to-be hasnt registered because she cant really take gifts back to Ecuador. My D has received a couple of calls asking about gifts. Would love to hear suggestions for nontraditional gifts or gifts that could travel easily? Is cash appropriate? I almost always give cash for a wedding gift but have never done so for a bridal shower.
Is Amazon in Ecuador? She could set up a wedding registry on Amazon. My D is being married here but will register on Amazon in Germany (translated into English)and have her gifts delivered at her home there.
Perhaps the gifts (both from the shower and the wedding) can be sent to her parent’s home, then eventually to her permanent home wherever that is. Even if she stays in Ecuador, perhaps her parents can send them to her later via a shipper once she is settled.
I collected recipes for a ‘second wedding’ shower. Bought a recipe file box with cards ( maybe in a Hallmark store) sent a blank card with the invitation to share a favorite recipe. Cards were returned to me and placed in proper category in the file box.
Maybe the shower could be ‘experiences’ for the couple around the time of the wedding if they will be in the US for a number of days,or for the honeymoon. Hair and nail appointments, dinners, spa treatments, activities, hotel rooms, cooking lessons together. If you found some from the area they will be married and they were pricey, several people could go in on them, or you could set up a pool (the hair and nails ‘from the cousins’ or the carriage ride to the wedding by the college friends) You could make the wrappings fun, but disposable.
You could do a money theme, and make giving money just expected. Bowl full of pennies, a cake made out of dollar bills, something filled with Ecuadorian money (whatever that is!). If you set it up that way, I think it makes it less awkward for the givers and the bride. Play a game with money but the bride is always the winner? Or just say no gifts, and give a big check to the couple from the bridal shower attendees.
Nice things come in small packages! Earrings, scarves, perfume. Electronics, like digital photo frames.
A lot depends on their plans. To stay in Ecuador? To move to another country? To travel? Do they even want ‘things’?
I say, tell the guests the truth. They live in another country and can’t travel with gifts. The guests should take that as a hint to just give money.
I got married this past summer away from where we live and were honest with those who asked- we can’t really travel and move with a bunch more stuff and the vast majority of people understood that that meant we preferred money.
Yes, yes I know many people think it’s tacky to even insinuate that you’d prefer money but, really, when the alternative might be leaving the gifts behind and having them be unused, I think being “tacky” is the way to go.
I also think it matters what their future plans are. If they intend to live permanently in Ecuador since she married and Ecuadorian, then do what Romani said: tell the guests that they can’t carry much. Either the gifts can be small, or will be money. By the way, the Ecuadorian currency currently is the USD.
I moved overseas immediately following my wedding. A lot of people knowing this gave us money. But most didn’t. I took the small things I could and left the others in a trunk at my mother’s. It was fun to eventually move back and get to use those things.
You could also ask the bride for a list of things that she misses from home that she can take back and offer those suggestions to the guests. Most people living overseas miss some products that are unavailable over there or are terrible overpriced. Electronics here would be a good guess.
It is so very nice of your daughter and you to have a party for her friend.
If she hasn’t already sent out invitations, I think the option of a recipe shower is an excellent one.
I understand there are showers given with money trees in our area, so that is an option as well.
I also agree with asking bride and her mother how they want to handle the gift question It seems like this will be an issue for wedding gifts as well as shower gifts. While I don’t care for money as a shower gift, it makes sense in this case. A lot of these old rules just aren’t practical for current times. Maybe your daughter could arrange for everyone to contribute to one check, or one of those honeymoon funding sites, or something, so that it isn’t obvious what amounts each person gave. I am wondering if there can just be a pot of money somehow as one big shower gift. If there is something the bride needs back in her home, the cash could be raised for that purpose. One gift with one card signed by everyone. For example, it could be a “washer/dryer shower” and everyone brings or sends cash to be put in one envelope for that purpose. Probably that will get too complicated.
A relative gave a party for her father’s 90th birthday and asked guests to write and send a short memory beforehand which she assembled into a scrapbook. Is this a theme you could adjust to work here?
Do they particularly want a shower? Could your daughter just host a nice tea or luncheon for her friend and solve the problem that way? Do they want it to be a gifting occasion? If it is a gifting event, your daughter’s friend is going to have to give her a list of acceptable gifts to pass on to those asking. That is why registries were created. This puts your daughter in a pretty uncomfortable position as far as I can tell. Good luck!
I was invited to a shower for my cousin’s FDIL. She lived out of town and was flying in for the event. They had registered at 3 stores for the wedding. We were asked to give gift cards to those stores. It was fine by me. She received gift cards from all three of the stores. She was able to purchase item from her registry that she didn’t get for the wedding. It was easy, and everyone was happy.
Miore info: Bride-to-be definitely wanted a bridal shower–she suggested having it when she came back home in February. It would have been easier to do it just before the wedding because all of the bridal party live out of our area. The bride said she doesnt want to register–says it is a hassle she doesnt want. The couple will honeymoon in England (Cotswolds) and then return to Ecuador. The groom is an engineer who works for his family firm. Bride works at a university in Quito where she went for a study abroad program.
Maybe a joint check from all the bridesmaids would be OK. I am definitely old school when it comes to this–I like the idea of getting the couple a gift they will remember, need, or enjoy but I am starting to change my mind on giving money.
I am trying to decide whether registering for gifts or giving someone a shower is a bigger hassle. If she wants cash gifts, she needs tell your daughter, so folks know what to do. Then your daughter can tell inquiring guests there is not a registry and her understanding is that, under the circumstances, cash would be the most convenient and appreciated gift. Those who don’t/won’t give cash, are on their own to figure it all out. imho
adding: Since it is customary for the bride-to-be to open presents and thank guests, while everyone oohs and aahs, at a shower, I really don’t know how that part works when it is checks. I guess you just skip that part. I can’t imagine opening envelopes and thanking people.
In my rural locale, showers can have money trees. Envelopes are out for guests to address and tiny clothes pins to put the envelopes on a decorative table top tree. I haven’t given this sort of shower yet. I claimed I couldn’t make the tree/ not crafty enough, but if honoree wanted it, bring it herself.
Don’t most major stores ship abroad? While the gifts would not be brought to the shower, a card indicating what the gift is could be given to the bride at the shower. If she prefers a monetary gift then someone should tactfully let guests know her preference.
Bromfield, gosh I feel bad for your D. It seems that the bride has put your D in a sticky situation. She wants a shower but doesn’t want to register because “it’s too much trouble”. It seems to me that the bride wants a money grab which is IMO unfair to the person giving the shower and the people attending.
I wish this could be posed to the etiquette experts. Because I don’t see what the answer is. And I hate when you are generous enough to throw a shower to have to be put in the position of telling the guests what they can or can not gift. Sometimes for a shower I can find something on the registry that isn’t too awfully expensive.
I agree a conversation with the Bride’s mother is in order. She does not want the hassle of registering and does not want gifts as she cannot bring them back to Ecuador. So why does she want a shower in the first place? Very awkward situation and quite odd to be honest. How do you send out an invitation to a shower and say “no gifts?”
And if the family is expecting your D to deliver the news that only monetary gifts are welcome I would have her make it clear that this is “at the bride’s request.”
I googled and found what appears to be a decent department store (Diprati). If it were me, I’d buy her something from there and have it shipped to the parents’ home down there, and then have a card with a picture of the item to unwrap up here. I agree this doesn’t solve the problem of not knowing what she wants since she doesn’t have a registry anywhere.
I agree with deb and harvest moon. The bride doesn’t want the hassle of registering (how much of a “hassle” is it anyway?), but wants someone to throw her a shower? Isn’t that more of a hassle?
So what is the angle here? Does she want a shower as a social event and an opportunity to see people or as an opportunity to get cash gifts?
Here is a semi related question. Do most people still do showers? D is not planning on a shower and most (if not all)of her friends have not had showers. I think that it’s because they already have their households set up. Whats your experience?
