My SIL and I are throwing a bridal shower for our 42yo niece. First marriage. Wedding will be traditional – white gown, church, dance, etc. Any helpful hints? Part of me thinks we shouldn’t do such a big deal for someone who has lived on her own for 20 years … but part of me thinks we should do it all up huge because it’s been a long time coming. 
What is de rigueur for showers these days? I refuse to look at pinterest and am not crafty at all.
That is very nice of you to do. I’ve been to a few showers recently for friend’s daughters – they have either been in the host’s home or in a private room at a restaurant – all the ones I attended have been nice and fairly low key. The size of the showers I’ve recently attended has been from about 20 - 50. The guest list typically includes close friends and family of the bride, bride’s mom and sometimes the groom’s mom.
–Some showers have had included " bridal games" (there are a bunch of different types – you can google them) but the bride may be past wanting that type of thing.
–At some showers the bride opens gifts at the party and at others she did not.
Unless it is a surprise you might want to ask the bride what she wants in terms of opening gifts, games etc. Not knowing your niece, my gut feeling is that a nice luncheon in your home or in a private room at a restaurant could fit the bill.
I will be planning a bridal shower for my D (who already let me know that she does not want “games” or to open gifts at the shower) in the spring so I’ll be following this thread with interest.
I prefer coed showers rather than just for women. Seems more in keeping with 2019, IMO. I’m not a fan of traditional shower games.
To me, it should be about sharing good food and drink with family and friends, well wishes and showering them with gifts.
I’d ask her. She’s probably attended numerous ones and may want it to be “her turn”. Or she may not. I’d let her choose and tell her you’d be happy to do whatever.
If she doesn’t want traditional one, maybe a wine shower, with wine tasting and attendees invited to stock the couples wine cellar.
Have you asked the bride to be what she prefers? She may want a traditional shower or perhaps a couples shower. Or maybe just a get together with no gifts instead.
I would say something like " Jenn, we are so happy for you and John and would like to celebrate. What do you prefer?"
I would resist anything that looks like “it’s been a long time coming”.
Agree to ask her! I wouldn’t be surprised at her age if she prefers a couples party or just a luncheon.
Agree on asking - at least for some direction. (couples or not, games or not, alcohol or not)
I think if you have a nice venue (be it a restaurant, community place or someone’s home) I wouldn’t worry a lot about decorations and such. A few flowers maybe for decor. Otherwise just a nice, neat place. Good food. (does not have to be expensive).
When my sister’s hosted a bridal shower for my D a year ago they reminded people that my D and her now husband were not wanting a lot for themselves, they would rather give to the wider community.
D very reluctantly signed up for a bridal registry for those people that insisted on giving her a gift.
The invitations included the bridal registry and also stated that D preferred to give to her local homeless shelter and gave a list of items needed by the homeless shelter. The list included things in different price ranges like blankets, TP, flashlights, various things.
So, if your niece thinks she doesn’t need gifts, that they have all they need because they have had their own place(s) for 20ish years, then something like this allows people to bring a gift without cluttering up her place with unneeded items.
Logistics are a bit of an issue. She is in DC, and we are in Texas. The wedding and shower will be three hours away from me, but where my SIL and her mother live. I think we’ll be doing it at the church hall where my niece used to work and where the wedding will be held.
We definitely will ask, but I wanted to have an idea going in of what the outliers were of what’s expected. For instance, do you think we need official invites or would an evite suffice?
^^^ Because they will be flying in for the shower, I imagine most gifts will be mailed to their home so there won’t be much opening at the shower.
I attended a bridal shower for the daughter of a friend earlier this summer.
It’s been a LONG time since I’ve been to one! It was comfortable and low key. In a private room at a brew pub in the afternoon.
There was one? simple not-too-annoying bridal game that served the purpose of sharing tidbits about the bride & groom’s life and getting guests who did not know each other well talking to one another.
One thing I loved about the shower was the couple had registered at Zola.com and I was able to quickly pick a gift off the registry and have it mailed to their home. Easy. Painless.
This was all new to me! The other bonus was most of the guests did the same (had gifts mailed) so we were not forced to sit through hours of gift-opening. I was so happy about that! We had time for catching up and good conversation!
I think an evite is fine. In fact, the last two weddings we attended were done via evite, wedding websites, etc., and I thought it was great once I got over my surprise. IMO thank you notes should be handwritten and mailed, but everything else can be electronic.
Do it. It doesn’t matter how old she is, she deserves to (finally) be made a fuss over like her friends likely were many years ago. I never had one (see the bended knee thread) because of scattered family and friends et al, wish I could have ( a college friend came through with a baby shower- premie son was the unexpected star).
Over the years I have gone to several bridal showers. I was shocked at one for to be relative when the bride’s family gave gifts of the caliber I expected for the wedding (sister and I each gave a cookbook) and that the mother of the bride was ignored- relgated to doing the work at her house. I still recall those from medical school days- coed, inexpensive, but honored the couple.
Don’t worry about crafts. Ask the bride about any likes/dislikes. Silly games or not? Coed? A shower is an excuse for a casual party and to make the bride feel good. Make a fuss.
Who’s likely to be invited to the shower? I think evites are fine but I personally still feel bad for older guests who may not be computer savvy - sure they can ask someone else to e-RSVP for them but it might still make them feel out of the loop. In addition to the evite you could list a phone number for older people to call - and then you can go into the website and RSVP for them on your own.
WE can’t assume just because they are older that they have good house stuff between them. Maybe they have been hanging onto the cheap stuff for years in hopes of getting married or because as a single person they couldn’t afford more. You will know their situation better - but I agree, throw them a feel good bash!
I also fondly recall that when I, early 30’s physician, and a late 40’s OR tech were both engaged at about the same time. It was good to make a fuss over her (I wasn’t invited to anything) and the teasing from her about her twice as large diamond as mine (I married first). Regardless of age or occupation it is nice sometimes to belong to the age old group of being a woman.
I do know one concern about the ceremony is that his family is small (unlike ours!) and that he doesn’t have the local connections that she does, so my sister is worried there won’t be many people in support of him. For that reason, I don’t think they’d want to do a couples thing.
@“Youdon’tsay” - again, ask the couple. He might be fine with it and enjoy meeting a lot of people from “ her side”.
If there are to be gifts, I’d pick a theme like recipes with the tools to make them or restaurant gift cards or vacation/honeymoon activities (and gift cards).
I like the donation idea, but it may be hard if the location is 3 hours from the host and an airline flight away for the bride.
Evites are fine.
Evicted are fine. My sister and daughter hosted a couples shower for my son and his wife last year. The theme was “nacho average wedding shower”. We served tacos and had a piñata.
I love that, @tx5athome!