<p>As my daughter finishes up her junior year of high school, I find myself filled with all these dreams and terrors about her future. So I thought I'd start a discussion of what our fondest hopes and worst fears are about our children going off to college.</p>
<p>Here are mine:</p>
<p>HOPES:
-That she will find the wonderful close friendships and connections in college that she's never found in high school.
-That she will find an academic environment that helps her explore her talents to the fullest.
-That college will lead her to a career/vocation that she'll truly love and thrive in.</p>
<p>FEARS:
-That she'll fall in love with the perfect college and I'll have to tell her we can't afford it.
-That some crisis will come up when she's hundreds of miles away and I won't know how to help.
-Really awful things like date rape drugs that are too terrible to even think too hard about.</p>
<p>S2 (17) is a Junior, S1 (20)... just finished soph year at college.</p>
<p>S1: had no real friends in HS, found a perfect group for himself and made his mark in college. Got into his dream school, and we are making it work financially. He had no "plan B".</p>
<p>S2: has the best social life ever -- we should all have his life! He is terrified of leaving his friends, starting new... has no real plan, doesn't have a goal or what he wants to do. Leaving his comfort zone terrifies him. I worry for him every day.</p>
<p>Safety? I tell both my kids that if they only knew how much courage it takes to let a teenager out the door every day, they'd understand me so much better. If it were up to me, they'd be ensconsed in bubble wrap and safely tucked in their bedrooms for the next 10 years!</p>
<p>"If it were up to me, they'd be ensconsed in bubble wrap and safely tucked in their bedrooms for the next 10 years!"</p>
<p>As a daughter going off to college soon, I have to say that I'm glad that it's not up to you, because that sounds like a horrible way for anyone to spend the next ten years of their lives.</p>
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FEARS:
-That she'll fall in love with the perfect college and I'll have to tell her we can't afford it.
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<p>This happened to me, and for financial reasons I'm heading off to a safety school in the fall. It's definitely not the worst thing to ever happen to a person, and I don't blame my parents for it at all. Give yourself a break on this one, because I'm sure there are many schools where your daughter could be happy and thrive, even if that "perfect" school doesn't work out!</p>
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I heard once: "Having children is consenting to have your heart walk around outside your body for the rest of your life."</p>
<p>When you have some, catsushi, you'll understand.
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<p>About two years ago -- before I had a child or knew I would have one -- I would've breezed past this post. Now, having a daughter about a year old, I'll have to admit that this is sometimes exactly how it feels. I am not a risk averse person, but mixed in with all the love and happiness about my daughter, intermittently, there is that sense of vulnerability.</p>
<p>This led me to thinking about the old chestnut, "Ships are safest in harbor, but that's not what ships are for." To which I would reply, "Yeah, but the *USS Constitution *has been in harbor for the last 100 years, and is still revered and afloat long after her sisters have sunk, grounded, rotted away, or been broken up for scrap. Harbors aren't all that bad."</p>
<p>And they absolutely, absolutely shouldn't get it. Would we have when we were younger?</p>
<p>I'd heard Chedva's saying before, and I feel every day that my heart is walking around in two places where I can't protect it.</p>
<p>And, some bad, bad things have happened to it because of that.</p>
<p>But, I want it (them) to be out there, and the last thing I'd want is for them to be imagining mom wants to wrap them up in bubble wrap and stash them away. (actually, though understanding the sentiment, the image gives me the heebie-jeebies).</p>
<p>None of us wanted to stay in harbors, either, right?</p>
<p>WashDad,
your proverb reminds me of another from the 14th century.
By Hafez:</p>
<p>"In the sea there are countless treasures
But if you desire safety, it is on the shore."</p>
<p>It is a killer for any caring parent. </p>
<p>Our daughter has faced very real threats at her school due to her outspoken opinions and positions on campus. It worries us. My wife and I have fretted and twisted well into the night, wanting to do something to stand in or up for her...to get in the car and drive up there.</p>
<p>We're proud that she has formed such strong and interesting views and that she is not afraid to stand up to those that disagree --but it is still tough to be so helpless and almost irrelevant hundreds of miles away, but as the poet says...there really are many treasures out there.</p>
<p>When S1 told us he was getting a motorcycle, and I (predictably) pitched a fit, he said, "Mom, I don't get why you think this concerns you." :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Of course we want them out there; it's the "wings and roots" thing. The "heart" that's out there in the world belongs to us both; it will always be a part of me, but it belongs to her. I want her happy, healthy and loved. But a part of me will always want to protect her from life's little (and big) bumps.</p>
<p>I wouldn't repeat middle school if you paid me, but I have to say my kids seemed to have a much better experience than I did. But if it had been bad, I wouldn't have hesitated to homeschool.</p>
<p>What a wonderful list of hopes, but a caution on the first one. Just as it takes four years to get an education, it may take a while to develop those friendships. I think there are many kids who think they will instantly materialize because they have romanticized what college will be to them. Prepare your child to grow those hopes/goals over time.</p>
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Would I send my heart to middle school? I wouldn't send my worst enemy to middle school.
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<p>Hanna, that statement made me laugh out loud! I totally get where you're coming from, as my middle school years were hell on earth.:( I think it's interesting how more and more young women like you are deciding not to have children. I suspect my D may be of the same mind, though I have said that I'd adore grandchildren (when the time is right, of course). I suspect that the more educated a woman is, the less likely she is to have children.</p>
