<p>I love the parents on cc so I thought I’d get your opinion to help me decide something. I feel blessed to have such a ‘problem’ so I am not complaining, but I am honestly torn. </p>
<p>I have to teach in Austria and my 8th grade daughter wants to come with. I’d love her to come as she’s done before, but she’d miss 5 days of school in the middle of the term. </p>
<p>Some background:</p>
<li><p>I go every year and she’s gone twice before to Austria (during her holidays) so it’s not a new experience. Also she’s already travelled to tons of countries because of my work (in elementary and middle school years).</p></li>
<li><p>We’ll have about 3 days of fun in Vienna. I’ll work four 7 hr days and she’ll fend for herself on those days (which she likes, exploring on her own). </p></li>
<li><p>8th grade here means highschool and everything ends up on the final transcript.
Even in a normal week, she finds school demanding (several hours of homework a night, usually 1-2 tests a week). </p></li>
<li><p>School has an official policy that doesn’t support travel during the school year but at the same time, I’ve seen others do it.</p></li>
<li><p>No other sibs to worry about and she’d be fine staying home (dad is there and she’s pretty independent). </p></li>
</ol>
<p>I’d take her. She could ask what will be covered during the week she’s missing. Even if 8th grade ends up on the high school transcript, it will not count at college admission time. It’s not exactly the same but I took my then 4th grader on a 3 week trip to several countries. His job was to keep a journal which he did conscientiously. Upon return, he gave a talk with pictures about the countries he traveled to.</p>
<p>Take her. Are you teaching in Vienna? How much lead time do you have? Can you negotiate with each teacher to enrich her work in their course with a parallel study in Vienna? It is ALL there. She could do packets of work for each course while gone, during her time off, too. We traveled to Europe right before Christmas, and a young fellow was doing his homework in the airport, getting it done so he would be FREE for his holiday. I was impressed.</p>
<p>I took my kids out of school for a week to go to Japan, no one had ever been before but me. But in this case it sounds like your daughter has been to Vienna and it might have a negative impact on her schoolwork. So I wouldn’t take her. If you were going somewhere new though, I’d probably say take her.</p>
<p>The “official” stance of my D’s elementary and middle school were to discourage travel during the school year. But I was told by her teachers that the policy was in place since
some parents equated a trip to a beach resort to be of the same educational value as a trip
to a cultural center. I took my D on 6 business trips to Italy during those years, each time missing about 5 days of school.(we usually stradled long weekends). Each time she brought homework, and kept a detailed journal.
She looks back on those trips as the most formative events of her young life.
Take your daughter.</p>
<p>Now that your daughter is in 8th grade, about to enter high school it might be a teaching moment. She may like to be a part of the decision as to whether the pluses of going on the trip outweigh the minuses. You know from previous trips that she is a strong and independent person able to take care of herself while you are working, and that she will benefit from seeing new sights that previous trips may not have allowed her. On the flip side she may feel her time will be better spent staying in school. As a parent I do not feel there is a wrong answer, just options.-APOL-a mom.</p>
<p>Take her. Now that shes’ a bit older, she might be able to appreciate it more. Just tell the school that she’s sick or something. I have a feeling that she might prefer the trip over school either way. She can make up the work. Possibly, the day she leaves, your daughter can tell the teacher that she’s not feeling well and needs the work because she thinks that she’ll be out, in order to prevent her from being reported for going on a trip like that. That will minimize any consequence of a trip of a lifetime!</p>
<p>I think it will be a great bonding experience for both of you. And, I think she’ll love being able to explore Vienna on her own. Someday, I hope to travel there myself to visit the site of my great-grandmother’s home!</p>
<p>I agree. Use this as an opportunity to teach her how to weigh out the pros and cons, make a decision, and accept responsibility for any consequences. It’s an ideal situation to do that with, since there doesn’t seem to be any extremely negative consequences. (At worst, it shows she missed a few days of school, she’ll have to work harder to make it up, etc. but nothing life-threatening, right?)</p>
<p>Show her how to make a little chart and put the pluses on one side and the minuses on the other, and discuss each one, and then ask her which side wins out. Remember to allow personal feelings and desires, mother-daughter bonding, and other intangibles to be granted the weight they deserve.</p>
<p>Then, let her decide. If she still wants to go, let her go!</p>
<p>Even though grades show up on the transcript it isn’t necessarily going to have any real effect on her college application; lots of people have disastrous hs freshmen years and end up okay. And some teachers will probably be lenient if she is otherwise diligent and responsible. She should go if she wants to; what an amazing opportunity!</p>
<p>Thank you for all your thoughts on this. So very useful (as I just knew they would be!). </p>
<hr>
<p>I had almost finished writing you all a response which I have since deleted. Let me explain.</p>
<p>The gist of my response said that I’d try your advice by getting her to consider the pros and cons but that I’m almost positive she’ll just decide she wants to go because <em>unfortunately</em> she doesn’t yet take school very seriously and loves to travel with me.</p>
<p>Then the phone rang. It was my daughter (she’s at home, I’m at work). I thought I would briefly throw out the idea about her considering the pros and cons (plant the seed, we’d discuss it later). But before I could finish the first sentence she cut me off and says, “when again? how many days?” I said “oh about five…” and she says “oh I’m not going, I was thinking maybe two days, I’m not missing five days of school for Vienna! Are you kidding?” </p>
<p>Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.</p>
<p>Here is the irony. Professor mom here has wanted her wonderful D to be much more serious about school this year (she’s only just only starting to take it seriously). D was the one that brought it up and begged to go, and I was sure she’d take the trip over school if given the choice.</p>
<p>But rather than be delighted in her mature response or see that the problem has solved itself (I know I should be grateful!), my immediate gut reaction (which I did not share with her!) was this: “wait a minute…are you sure? why wouldn’t you want to spend bonding time with your mom? what difference does five days make…?” and “…is she already too old to want to be travelling with me like we used to??” </p>
<p>Glad it is resolved without a hassle. And you may enjoy your own time to explore and experience, without having to edit for the benefit of a middle-schooler. Vienna is wonderful, lucky you! Eat a Schnitzel for us!</p>
<p>It’s interesting how different schools have different policies regarding educational travel. I called my son’s guidance counselor when we were considering taking him to China with us for two weeks in April. Son, like your daughter, didn’t want to miss two full weeks of school and was very concerned with make-up work. His guidance counselor looked up his grades and said, “Take him. He will learn more in China then he will sitting in a classroom. We’ll have a meeting with his teachers, you, your husband and me a month before your trip and we’ll work everything out so he won’t be stressed and the trip won’t affect his grades.” Wow!</p>
<p>My son is in 9th grade, honors classes etc. and does worry about his grades but now we are all looking forward to this trip!</p>
<p>“Is this the little girl I carried, is this the little boy at play…”</p>
<p>Nothing like a teen (or tween) to put us parents completely back on our heels. One minute we want them to take school seriously and decide to miss a trip, the next minute we realize they might not want to hang around with us for that long after all. Before we figure out the problem, they completely re-frame the whole issue.</p>
<p>But at least your problem is resolved, even if it is somehow disappointing for you. Teens will make you crazy…</p>
<p>first–kiddos to you for raising such a person. My guess is that she may have made her decision on elements that had nothing to do with whether she wanted to spend time with you, but rather concerns with staying on top of her classes. It actually sounds like the two of you have a very strong bond-otherwise she may not have been able to tell she wanted to stay…my two cents.APOL-a mom</p>