Thanks @saleboat
Two day schools were under consideration (we narrowed to one) and they they took completely different approaches.
What do the revisit days look like at Andover and Exeter? Any insights?
Agree with posters- no bad choices. My kids went to BS, but I still have days where I wish they were local. And if they were local, I am sure I would have wondered what they missed by not having the unique experience going away.
If you can get the extension, go to all the revisits.
A few additional thoughts:
My kids and generally speaking do not want to go away for any programs in the summer. There are so many amazing programs to experience during the summer and by staying local, your son might want to take advantage of these types of living away experiences. He also could get a part time job or volunteer more regularly if at home- if this was important to him/ your family.
These choices came from hard work- it seems like whatever the choice- your son will get a great education.
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There are BS revisit days, yes, but also some virtual events that might help make the decision. But none will be in time to avoid a day school decision.
You know your child and family the best. There is no guarantee of happiness and success on any of the paths.
As a part-time NYer, I’d also be tempted to factor QOL into the equation for a kid who is getting greater agency moving around the City and wanting more independence.
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Another vote for going to the revisits. You’ll all be better able to imagine what life at each would be like, and you, as a parent, will be able to meet other parents who have faced the same decision.
It can make what is now a hypothetical all very clear.
I think you can use the search feature here from past years to read about revisits at these schools.
At most, there is separate programming for parents and students. The latter usually shadow students. At ours, the parent sessions were set up with choice and included everything from college counseling to athletics to STEM focused sections to meeting the nursing staff. There were current parents available as well who could offer their own experience.
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My wife and I discussed boarding school a couple times when our older son was in junior high. We lived in Chicagoland and the state had a publicly funded competitive STEM HS called IMSA where students went and lived in dorms during the week, but many returned home for the weekend (our son attended a strong private school from first through eighth grades, and several classmates were accepted there). We decided not to have our son apply, partially because we thought he would need support and was not ready to live away from home. More importantly, my wife did not want to miss out on his high school years. In many ways she considered those the most rewarding for the parents because our son would be more mature, more independent, more - dare I say - “adult”. We always planned to live somewhere with a strong public HS, so we were not worried about him getting a good education, and we wanted to spend time with him before he left for university.
Everyone’s situation, however, is different. Does your son need parental support, or is he independent? Does he have his heart set on BS? Who is the driver for the prestigious BS, the student or the parents? It sounds like whether he goes away to BS or stays in a local private, he will be prepared for college. I do agree with other posts, in that you should tell him sooner than later how you feel. Most importantly, sound him out on what he wants to do.
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One of the biggest positives for me was not having to deal with all of the parental social engineering and competition when S23 went to boarding school. What is the social scene like at the local private? Is it collaborative or competitive? Especially when it comes to junior/senior year and applying to colleges. Are kids jockeying for class rank and resume filler ECs? Where are they socializing after school hours?
The kids from NYC seemed to have the best of both worlds at boarding school. A collaborative, supportive environment where they could really focus on academics and connecting with classmates and teachers while they were at school and then taking advantage of all that NYC has to offer when they were home and didn’t have any other obligations. Remember, boarding school breaks are long and lend themselves to quality family time as you (as a parent) won’t even be thinking about nagging about anything having to do with school. It’s pure relaxation and reconnect time.
You could try the coin flip method. Heads= boarding school, tails= local option. Flip the coin. call out the result and see how he feels. Was there relief, panic, regret, excitement or indifference?
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We are in a similar position. Our one and only daughter was accepted to her dream BS. We are not ready to be empty nesters, but it is only a little over an hour drive each way….
And seeing how overjoyed she was upon learning of the acceptance made it clear that we should support her, which we are. Feeling a little empty inside, but it is about what is best for her.
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An hour away is great. You can get down there any time you want. You know you can grab her if needed.
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Just wanted to say I really get this. So hard to have an only leave the nest earlier than you imagined. And yet, what a gift for an only to get to build community and experience this form of “almost siblings”. You are being really selfless.
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An hour away is a blessing. I have an only child so I totally get how you feel and I can tell you I had a harder adjustment than I expected. We live 2 hours away, and I see my daughter every Sunday for breakfast- she loves it and I love it more. I am so glad we allowed her to go; it has been an amazing experience for her so far.
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My only has a band of brothers now.
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Decided to stay in NYC. I’m glad he went through the whole application process as it was incredible to get to know all of the schools. I don’t think he could have made a bad choice and he learned a lot about himself too.
Appreciate everyone’s input on this final step! Great forum.
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In my view, there needs to be a driving reason to attend boarding school when one has excellent school options near home. If the student and parents are happy & satisfied with the local options, then no need to attend boarding school.
The elite NYC private and public schools should offer an equally demanding & rewarding educational experience–assuming that the local commute time is reasonable.
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Only child here. Andover grad. Now mom of 2 daughters who did not attend BS. Hope you arrived at a decision that works for your family but rest assured that your child can have a great life no matter what educational path they choose. We get 18 years give or take to be the parents that our kids need. Not the parents we wished we had when we were kids. It’s a tough distinction to figure out 
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