However, the fear of Soviet nuclear strike or some such was not something that the kids and parents of the time could affect by whether the kid is allowed to walk to school or to friends’ houses or to parks on their own. Whereas fear of crime can lead parents to be overprotective of their kids.
Ucb, parenting is complex. In my broad circles, we were all worried about an attack. I grew up watching the VietNam war news daily. History and the communism threat were common topics, one way or another, even in school.
To me, the point isn’t how now the college stakes are escalated, leading to a definite diagnosis of anxiety. Or body shaming or immigrant status or whatever. The variety of concerns exists- and always has. Someone dies, loses a job, the kid down the street had heart issues that prevented him playing with us to the same vigorous degree (his parents did let him wander, he knew his limits, we all did, and when to get him home or call another parent.) Kids notice these things. Or parents bickering, a house fire, a car accident.
There are parents who hover to an unnecessary degree. But Ithink it’s wrong to look for simple explanations that center on parent mistakes.
We had two families in my (close, tight-knit) neighborhood who didn’t let their kids play with the rest of us. We were still friends. In those cases, the reasons were religious and different family priorities. Those kids grew up to be fine adults.
There is no doubt that external factors contribute to anxiety issues, but, take a minute to google anxiety and you will find a lot of evidence pointing to family history and chemical imbalances. I’m in my early fifties and I knew anxious people when I was a kid - we all did if we stopped to think about it. Just like we all knew kids with ADD - they just didn’t call it that. None of it was really talked about and there was a lot of self-medicating going on. Most of the anxiety for kids back in the day wasn’t driven by “Stranger Danger” - though the Adam Walsh story was in every school - it was driven more by different financial issues, corporal punishment, and peer pressure. Back in the '70’s and early 80’s, academic peer pressure was less intense, but there was the pressure of cigarettes, pot, and drinking - and it started in middle school. Today, while there are still social pressures, academic pressures have exploded. There is a constant quest for perfection and kids feel as if their values are based on academic/athletic accomplishments. Those pressures are coming from all directions (peer, parental, social media, etc) - and they seep into the psyches of these kids. I would venture that is the #1 stressor for all kids. As parents, the real struggle is finding the line between coddling and supporting. Kids don’t always have perspective so it is our job as parents to provide it. It is also our job to let them fail because failure will help them develop character. They need to know you don’t always win in life - you just don’t.
" It is also our job to let them fail because failure will help them develop character. They need to know you don’t always win in life - you just don’t."’
This is similar to earlier posts here–you don’t let your kids “run with scissors” but you certainly need to let them run–fast. They may fall and get hurt but the idea is they brush themselves off and move on.
Allowing kids to try things on their own despite possible failure will protect them in the future from giving up.
The old “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” has gotten lost in a belief of needed perfectionism at first try.
Maybe we need more "it’s okay, try it out, you get “do-overs” scenarios in our kid’s lives.
Colleges could do a lot to encourage moderate academic risk taking, but they chose not to do so. A lot of anxiety results.
Indeed, often one hears the opposite:
- Repeat all of your AP credit.
- Take a light course load first semester.
- Take "easy A" courses to help get into medical or law school.
I do think many colleges encourage some moderate academic risk-taking. Examples:
Being able to classes pass/fail
Requiring coursework over various disciplines which often encompasses areas not all students are strong in
Nothing like putting a kid on skis at 3 or 4 and sending them down the mountain in front of you. They fall often at first then gain confidence and before you know it they are off without you on the big hills and you can’t keep up. That’s a little like parenting. Or you can never go skiing or teach them to ski because it is too dangerous. Kids who learn to trust their bodies in sports often lose those fears others hold forever, which can percolate and grow. Confidence can help fend off depression. I always wanted my kids to just do it. If they didn’t like it they could quit but they gained the knowledge that you can try everything. They have gone down some pretty steep figurative mountains and back up again because I wanted them to have confidence.
But I do think some folks have a chemical/genetic component that needs to be medically addressed. But some of these issues are environmental ( parental).
http://www.fox29.com/news/graduating-8th-grade-class-gifted-bulletproof-backpack-plates-before-heading-to-high-school is a story of how far fear of crime has gotten out of proportion to actual crime risk.
@ucbalumnus Ugh, so now instead of bubble wrapped, we have kevlar wrapped.
Nothing says “welcome to high school” like a free bulletproof backpack… somedays I feel like I’m living in an alternative reality.
So only the back is protected? Or they’re supposed to grab the backpack and use it like a shield?
If a student is running away from someone shooting at him/her with a gun, the back is the most useful place to have armor.
But is the risk of crime high enough for students to be issued armor in the first place?
Also, if there actually is a high risk of crime, wouldn’t that also make it easier for criminals to acquire armor?
Kevlar backpacks make no sense. The backpack is going to be in the locker and the kids are going to be in the classroom when the SHTF. You have a much better chance of saving yourself by running. But what message is that ba giving kids? Hey, here’s a backpack to remind you that there are mentally unstable people who might want to kill you. What parent allows that? Better to give them a dose of here’s what to do if anything crazy ever happens.
Based on news reports, the active shooter often shoots people he doesn’t like. I used the pronoun he because it is almost always a male shooter. So if he is shooting specific people the backpack is not going to protect you even if you hold it up or have it with you.
Why would the backpack be in the locker?
I would love to bubble wrap my kid. In the literal sense. My life would be so much happier if I could do that. My D is now married to the greatest, most wonderful guy and he is very, very large and a former athlete. I call him my son-in-law the bubble wrap. Love that guy!
Where the back pack is kept is very school dependent. My kids alwayshad a cubby and the expectation you only carry around what you need. And I think I’d prefer the potential trouble-maker not have his pack on him at all times, with who-knows-what secreted.
But we’re so off the bubble topic.
Bubble wrap or not you can still get hurt. Someone once bought my kids a big plastic thing they could sit in (like a giant plastic wrap). They rolled down the hill. It’s a wonder no one’s neck got broken. With or without bubble, the world is still out there.