I am a person in my twenties and would love to hear the thoughts of the parent group on this topic. My family lives in an area of the country that I would not voluntarily choose to live in for the rest of my life. I am in a career that is considered geographically flexible, and so have been giving much thought to my “ideal” place to live. I realize that this is somewhat of a privilege, but that’s my story.
For those of you who have faced a similar decision before, I am curious what you decided and how you feel about that decision now.
We moved 1500 miles away from the place where we were raised. We were married with a 2 year old and moved for a job opportunity. My only regret is that my kids did not grow up with close relationship with their grandparents (my parents.) Otherwise it was all positive. We have no intention of ever going back–we’ve here since 1988. FWIW, my parents encouraged us to go, and we remained close emotionally if not physically. Now, apparently, my young relative is considering moving here to escape the high cost of living there.
I’d say go, have an adventure while you’re young. You can always go back.
I am in my late 20’s. I moved away to a different area of the country right after college, not extremely far, but where I only see my parents a couple times a year. Personally, I don’t regret it. I love the place where I live. The first few months were a bit of a tough transition, not knowing anyone, but years into it I love living here. I would move again to a different area (I would like to try out living in different places).
I will say this though - it was never something that worried me - I always planned to move out on my own, not near family, so it may be different for you, because it’s something that worries you or you may be reluctant to do.
The area H and I grew up in had very limited opportunities for us. We have raised our family 700 miles away from where our parents (and H’s siblings) live.
I have mixed feelings. On the positive side, we have had much more stable employment and careers than if we had stayed there. Our kids had many more opportunities and were able to attend great public schools. The downside was missing so much time with extended family. In addition, we did not have any family support for emergencies, child care, etc. We have lots of friends but no real “roots” in the area where our kids were raised.
Certainly as a young person I would encourage you to explore living in other area of the country.
I will be 25 in September and have lived in have lived in several states on my own. It’s definitely hard being away from family; harder at some times than at others; but it’s also worth it. I have learned so much about who I am and where I want to live.
It is easier if the town or city is a place where there are friends from college or young people. My niece just moved to Atlanta, 3-4 hours away from home, but in her building there are a lot of young graduates like her. Since she moved there, she has made a lot of new friends.
My first move was 3000 miles away, then 400 miles away, some siblings didn’t like it, but that’s my choice for job purpose. My mom approved, that’s the one that mattered. But in the scheme of things, 400 miles is only 1 hour by flight. My husband did the same, but he said his family couldn’t say anything because they also moved away when he went to college. My kids did miss the close interaction with my brothers kids. But even when my family moved back. There are times we didn’t see them for years, even though I talk to my brother frequently. Such is life, I guess, we are all busy with things.
I have lived several states away from my parents and siblings for about 28 years. Two of my three daughters live in the state where I grew up ( MA ) My third also hopes to move there in the future too. AS I get older and begin to think of having grand children, I dream of moving back there too, although I don’t see that happening. I don’t want to be the occasional visit set of grandparents
I went off “to the big city” for college and stayed there for employment. After 3-4 jobs I am now only an hour or so away from family. In a real emergency my parents have come to help with my kids on short notice. My parents also come for games, concerts, etc now that they are retired. I do worry about them getting older since I cannot just go check on them after work. They know my kids somewhat but not like I knew my grandmother that I saw nearly every day. An hour or 2 is very manageable otherwise.
I keep in touch with no one from high school and only a handful of folks from college. My dearest friends are still those that I was a new hire with at my first job out of college although only 1 still works there. We shared so many good times together that I will always consider them friends. Not a one of them worked in my department. I met each of them at social events for new hires.
Stay or Go where there are things that you enjoy doing and you will make lifelong friends.
We have been outside of the country where my parents and extended family live for over 30 years. Your friends become your family and certainly we’ve had a unique and interesting life…but I do miss the bonds of family…seeing them once a year can’t make up for the day to day or month to month interaction. Now my kids have moved outside of the country we are in so the cycle continues. I can’t know what my life might have been like had I stayed near family but there are times when I wish I had stayed put…of course I am older now and get melancholic…didn’t think like that in my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. Perhaps if you moved away but not too far away so that you could attend family gatherings, you could have the best of both worlds.
Both DH and I moved away from our respective homes and have built a life here. (Actually, this isn’t where either of us would have chosen, but jobs appeared and then kids appeared and, well…) Only downside is distance from family, which becomes harder as his parents age and his brother has to pretty much handle everything while we look on. Had there been technologies like Skype available when our kids were young, we would have used them.
Our kids have all gotten out of town - S to the city where he went to college a thousand miles away. He has a good professional and personal network there; I don’t foresee him leaving. D2 to a city accessible by train or car, but she wants to move soon. D3 across the country for grad school; she’ll probably return to this general area afterwards. Or maybe not.
I did leave the area I grew up in and it turned out my parents did too. H and I are very happy where we are now (ironically my Dad’s hometown) but we will consider relocating in the future depending on where our three Ds settle down and where the grandchildren will be. Most people are flexible today and move around at least a little bit, so I would say you should go for it.
My family has always been movers without regard to family left behind. The immigrants of course left family when they came to the US- and in an era when travel was difficult so there was no visiting back and forth. Parents left home city. Sister and I both left town as have our kids. Many friends also have left their childhood homes and so did their kids. Hard to decide which part of the country to retire to for some- can’t be on both coasts to be close to all grandchildren at the same time so they may as well pick a place they enjoy and continue to travel the country (and those kids may move again for jobs).
So- there are those who are used to extended, multigenerational family close by and there are those who are not.
Go for it and move!
Between computers, phones, airplanes and cars it is easy to stay in touch as much as you wish. With your profession you can always choose to return to the hometown in future years if you choose. I can’t imagine not experiencing life away from the only place you have known.
Having relatives of mine and H in various places gives us an excuse to see that part of the country.
I think it is awesome that you are someone who is self-aware enough to “decide” for yourself at this early stage of life. I think for a lot of people, and I will put myself in this category, things just kind of happen to us. And then every year that rolls along you become more and more planted. If it is in your soul now that you want to try living somewhere else, do it while you are young and unattached. Marriage and children make these sorts of decisions much more complicated. As others have said, you can always come home.
I can appreciate your concern to live near family. We just had a wedding celebration, and most people live in FL. We needed a hotel for the night. A few people came from far away, but a very few.
Unfortunately, my son is in a field where there are several areas that are best for his future. When he was looking at jobs recently, I was the one to mention how he could be going to areas where he didn’t know anyone. If he cannot live near family, at least he could live near good friends.
If the OP is good at making friends, then move where you wish.
This family’s story is interesting: They overcome a lot of challenges and worked hard to stay together - and achieved a lot as a family in the process of sticking together. (and in two generations only.)
Some part of the video is not directly related to the family because it is about a donation to a particular school, but it includes many touching stories and pictures (showing the love between a couple and between parents and children.) Their family have moved as far as a family could possibly have done.
Suppose that the elder father of the family had decided to stay at his birthplace, a farming village of 10 families, his family would be very different today. Who says this country is not the land of opportunity - everything is relative in term of the opportunity a place or a country could offer.
DH and I first moved about 5 hours away and then later 15 hours away. I have always wished we would have lived closer. I think that part of of it depends on how often you want to be able to see and do things with your family. I grew up seeing both sets of grandparents and great grandparents every week but our kids now only see their grandparents occasionally. So if I had to do it over I would really try not to be more than 5 hours away by car. At least that way 3 day weekends are possible.
My husband and I moved from Texas to Maine six months after we were married. It was really a matter of survival for me, since I got horrible headaches every summer because of the heat. I do much better in cold weather! My parents are wonderful people, but strictly religious, so that’s another reason it’s good we’re 2,500 miles from them.
I have to admit I am a little envious that my sister’s kids get more attention and gifts than my kids do, but I understand that was due to our decision to move so far away. I would do it all over again!
We’re an extreme case: we migrate every few years to another location in the world an ocean apart from family, which for the most part has been a positive experience. But now that the elderly grandparents are “slowing down”, the distance is becoming a growing concern.
I moved all over the USA before settling down and H had lived part f his life overseas and also many states.
No, we had not one family member to help with anything–home repair or kids or even knowing that a Holiday was a family event. Yes, we had good friends for some of those things.
I think one important question to ask is “who is your family”.
My childhood family did not have anything that I chose to expose my kids to except a few times over their chilhoods.
H’s was a nice family but not living in an area where we would/could live and, also, his sibs were not there.
Our S lives 4 hours away which is nice but his orientation to family is to his wife’s. He is happy and so we are happy.
We are the far away grandparents, Nonnie and Poppie, and we do the fun stuff. It is not that bad at all.
D is still in school and we have no idea where she will land.
We will move to whoever needs us whenever.
My basic point is that if you enjoy your family and you want your spouse and kids to eventually be close for everyday normal event–then own it. But also many posters here are telling you that as parents, much as we want our kids near us it is also OK for them to leave.
