<p>Just read that a private middle school in my area called the police because a 12-year-old girl was allegedly bullying another student with yelling, pushing and harassment, and the school was “unable” to deal with the situation, which had apparently continued for a few weeks. She was charged with disorderly conduct. I have a pretty strong reaction to this episode that I’ll hold off on mentioning. I’d love to hear some thoughts.</p>
<p>Why didn’t the private middle school expell the bully when the behavior continued? My kids’ private schools have rules that extend to behavior both on & off campus. Kids have gotten expelled.</p>
<p>MommaJ,</p>
<p>In my middle school…which happened to be one of the better NYC public middle schools, there were a group of 12-14 year olds who were already been arrested and known to the local cops not only for bullying…but also for mugging local passersby at lunchtime. </p>
<p>Ironically, the middle school teachers/admins…especially a group of what I’d consider loopy teachers had this weird idea that bullied victims like yours truly needed to spend more time “understanding the bullies” than focusing on or demanding something be done about their bullying. Result? </p>
<p>My friends who were also being bullied by these future felons and I ended up having to organize ourselves and settle the matter through a series of lunchtime and afterschool streetfights. While we lost most of the fights, we did gain some respect from others and eventually…won the last few fights and my relief I’d be leaving those future felons* and loopy bully sympathizing teachers behind when I found I was accepted to Stuyvesant. </p>
<p>As for the private school which can’t handle it, that surprises me. Most private schools…whether parochial or non wouldn’t have hesitated to expel a student for far less grievous offenses than an ongoing incidents of yelling, pushing, or harassing other student(s) back when I attended. </p>
<p>At my Catholic elementary school, you got two warnings before you were booted which was unusually generous. Many other private schools would only have one or even no warnings as they’d expect all students to be on their best behavior or else stern punishments and mandatory parent-teacher-principal conferences would shortly follow. </p>
<p>Hey, I got booted out of a previous Catholic School after only a few weeks in first grade because “I was too rambunctious” in the words of that school’s principal. Ironically, another kid who was also booted from the same school at the same age/grade and under identical circumstances and I both ended up attending the same NYC urban public magnet high school. </p>
<ul>
<li>I dubbed them the future felons because…you guessed it…they continued and expanded their criminal activities to the point they all served time/are still serving time at Rikers and various upstate prisons from what I’ve heard from old teachers and friends who remained near that neighborhood.</li>
</ul>
<p>I wondered the same thing…were the student’s parents informed or friends of the principal? My children went to a Catholic private school when young and they were very strict with bullies…more than one chance depending on what you did but parents were told and sometimes brought in. Usually, although they might turn a blind eye, teachers see and hear a lot in class and on the playground/lunch room, I know when I did tutoring in a local public school, I heard more than I cared too and tried to defuse some situations.
This went beyond the norm it seems. It will be interesting to see how it plays out.</p>
<p>I may have done more than just calling the police. Good for the parents.</p>
<p>Private school has suspension, detention and ultimately expulsion to deal with these things, so I am not sure what they couldn’t handle. If someone is being pushed, and it won’t stop, it might be the right thing to call the police in then and there to put a stop to it and send a message.</p>
<p>My own experience with private school is that some transgressions are swept under the rug for big wig’s kids, and others are out and don’t let the door hit you on the way out. </p>
<p>While physical bullying is dangerous, and is often obvious, the psychological bullying in middle school is horrific, and usually goes unseen and unaddressed.</p>
<p>I think this is fantastic! Takes the school politics completely out of the situation, forces the bully and parents to take it seriously, and shows the victim that she is protected.</p>
<p>I thought it was very strange. A private school has so much more control over student behavior than a public school does. Why didn’t they just dismiss the bully?</p>
<p>Unless maybe the parents were terrible bullies as well, and the school had to send a message to hem as well? Wouldn’t surprise me, given the part of the country were this happened.</p>
<p>Sometimes in private schools there are factions and relationships that complicate things. It shouldn’t be complicated to not tolerate bad behavior, but sometimes it is because adults fall down on the job. My D’s experience of hideous bullying started in private middle school and continued to a different high school. The private school didn’t take action when it first started (and before the bully broke property laws that couldn’t be ignored) for a bunch of poor reasons. First, the kid’s mother was an employee of the school, second, the school just wanted it to go away, and third, some of the well-meaning adults didn’t want to put something on the bully’s record that would do her harm in the future because they didn’t see bullying as a big deal.</p>
<p>It seems odd to me–I can imagine parents calling the police because the school wouldn’t act–but here, the school did act, by calling the police. Perhaps the bully did something so bad the school thought kicking her out was insufficient?</p>
<p>Excellent solution.</p>
<p>The school should have expelled the bully, if school-based interventions were not working. They usually do, for such obvious, physical bullying.</p>
<p>Too many kids die from bullying. Also, if an employee was doing this in an office, you would call the police. </p>
<p>Schools need to get out of the business of law enforcement. Leave it to the cops. Schools need to focus on academic education. </p>
<p>I completely agree with this move.</p>
<p>If this is the same case that we are discussing, the reports are; the parents of the child being bullied went to police after the child started talking about suicide. The school had been notified and the bullying continued according to reports. It was reported that the bullying was verbal and physical. There have been 2 students in the state that committed suicide this fall due to alleged bullying. I’m sure that the parents were at their wits end.</p>
<p>
Or care more about sucking up to those who consider themselves high society in this town. S2’s class at a small Catholic school had two notorious bullies who were seldom if ever disciplined. Both were from wealthy non-Catholic families who only wanted a private school and didn’t care about faith-based values. I know of at least one Catholic family who had belonged to our parish for generations that pulled their son out of the school because of them. My S wasn’t a victim, but he knew what these kids were and stayed away from them. They’re now seniors in HS - one finally got kicked out of the Catholic HS, which isn’t as namby-pamby as our parish school. The other went to boarding school for two years and is now back in town in public school. The boy who left our school? He was elected to homecoming court last year and is one of the nicest kids around.</p>
<p>Could someone provide a link to this story?</p>
<p>Just a wild guess. Mr Google gave me this story:</p>
<p>[Police</a> make bullying arrest - Connecticut Post](<a href=“Police make bullying arrest”>Police make bullying arrest)</p>
<p>The story remains murky, including who called the police first.</p>
<p>While it’s stated in the article that the parents had previously contacted the police, it also says “administrators at the unnamed middle school tried to deal with the problem, but when the bullying by the 12-year-old girl intensified, they called police.” So it was indeed the school that threw up its hands at a situation that had been ongoing and called the cops.</p>
<p>I’m with the posters who think the school should have used normal escalating disciplinary actions, up to and including expulsion, rather than calling in the police. I don’t even see a violation of the law that the police can hang their hat on–does yelling and pushing and making someone “upset” constitute disorderly conduct"? On that theory, every schoolyard fight could generate such a charge. (Keep in mind there is no law against bullying that is being relied upon here–whether one should exist is a separate issue.) I doubt there would ever be a prosecution on the basis of this arrest or that a court would uphold the charge. And while I did have experience with a private middle school (don’t know if it’s the same one but, I’m dying to know), and I understand how fraught with political and financial issues that environment can be, I can’t see how a school that felt it had to refrain from expelling a child would think it was preferable to have the child arrested. I think that course of action makes no sense, makes this school look completely dysfunctional, and uses limited police resources inappropriately.</p>