This is gonna sound like a lot of complaining, but I need to get out, because I’ll lose my mind if I don’t!
I go to an online high school, my dad refused to drive me to high school. My school didn’t offer me transportation, so since the beginning of high school, I went online. I took as many honors classes and dual enrollment classes as I could. I did every extracurricular I could find online. I scored a 1460 on my SAT despite my school only having TWO HOURS of class a WEEK.
Yes, on my application it looks like I sat at home all day. My family could not afford to drive me to school or jobs. I couldn’t walk to any “insane” extracurriculars, I lived in a hotel, slept in a car, we moved to an apartment on 20,000 income a year. I can’t go to a job, because we can’t afford to do laundry for me to change my clothes that often, and I can’t afford a car to drive to work. I just did what I could. My parents have been unemployed now for so long and scraping by off of benefits. I’ve watched all of my friends from middle school have lives in high school. They went to prom, clubs, got into great schools! I never had any chance of being on par with someone who has money. Even the one college I got into doesn’t offer me nearly enough aid to go - my parents don’t work enough and they’re getting old. I’m going to my state school, and will have to commute back to my miserable home. I thought college would be my way out. I’ve put my heart, soul and tears into this. I’m on the verge of burning out and it was all for nothing. I was looking forward to make up the imagined high school experience I’ve lost, and I’m just upset about it. I always thought that I would directly see results if I put enough effort in, and it just didn’t turn out like that. I really want some advice, I feel so stupidly upset about this.
I just looked at your other thread; can you really not make things add up at Carleton, or are you just concerned that you won’t have a sufficiently employable major there to justify the cost? Do you really want to do engineering, or are you considering it for employability reasons? What would you study if you could study whatever you wanted?
You mentioned getting into UCM - how does that aid package look?
Might it make sense to consider committing to Carleton, but deferring a year? You could apply to funded gap year programs like City Year or another Americorps program… or just work and build up some financial buffer. If you then decide you’d rather go to CPP, you can just reapply - you’d get in again. But you’ll have your Carleton offer locked in, and it sounds as if the financial aid package might be more favorable a year from now, because of your family’s falling income.
In terms of STEM majors that could work at Carleton, have you considered the Cognitive Science major? Because it’s interdisciplinary, you could tip it more toward the premed life sciences (bio, neuroscience) if you decide to go that route, but you could also lean the emphasis toward computer science/AI/UX and acquire skills that could get you into a tech career. Statistics is another major that can work well for premed but can also set you up well to work right out of college.
Maybe I’m mis-reading the situation entirely… but just wanted to run those thoughts up the proverbial flagpole.
Although… I also realize that you may be looking more to just process your understandable frustration, than to problem-solve at this moment; I apologize if I’m on the wrong wavelength. It just sounds as if college really should be your way out, and I’m not clear how you got to the place of concluding that it can’t be.
Work hard, do great at your state school, and put in some transfer applications. I think you will write some tremendous transfer essays. Don’t play it safe. Be real in what you write. You have reason for optimism.
I wish you the best and I hope that you end up getting a really strong education at your state school. I recommend that you start taking on adult attitudes, including not blaming your parents “my dad won’t drive me” and “my parents don’t work enough”. It sounds like your parents have difficult work histories and perhaps an unstable housing situation. That is one of the hardest sets of circumstances to get out of in the USA, despite our national bootstraps mythology.
From your other threads, it appears you have several affordable options where you can study hard and learn what you need to begin your own career. I hope it all goes well.
Sending big big hugs to you! Your work ethic and positive attitude are going to get you far, no matter where or when you go to college. NOTHING can take that away from you.
If I’m remembering correctly you were accepted by Carleton? GREAT, GREAT, GREAT school and so very difficult to get accepted. I know valedictorians with perfect stats and all the ECS blah, blah, that were rejected there. And you have a lot of instate options that are wonderful!
More big hugs and it was not for nothing. Your college degree, no matter where from, is the pathway to stability and success.
Know there are many people rooting for you. You’ve got this!
I don’t have college advice to offer, but I couldn’t not reply. When I was your age, I was similarly looking to get away from a difficult family situation, and I remember how easy it was to feel hopeless and frustrated. I did go away to school (and paid half of my first semester’s costs out of the money I’d saved from working in HS), but it only lasted a semester before my parents withdrew me from that school and tried to force me to enroll at a school they chose, specifically so that they could keep an eye on me. I ended up leaving home for good, instead.
I went back up to my school, flung myself on the mercy of the financial aid office, and got myself re-enrolled (mostly using student loans). I ended up working as a live-in nanny during my sophomore year to (a) make money, and (b) to save on room & board expenses. I commuted to the classes I scheduled around my charge’s elementary school schedule. It wasn’t ideal, but it wasn’t awful, either.
I say this not to tell you to do the same thing, but to point out that life is unpredictable and that sometimes it takes creativity (and a whole lot of luck) to get what you need. If you choose to commute to school, know that many colleges (at least when I was enrolled) try hard to make commuter students part of the community and provide them with opportunities to socialize and otherwise have a good college experience. It will not be like going to online high school.
I won’t tell you not to worry about getting a job after graduation, because it is a real concern. But don’t shut yourself out of a good school because you have to take some loans.
Whatever you decide, take heart. Remember that you’re of age (or should be shortly) and if you need to take control over your life, there are ways to do that. Good luck!
OP- can you schedule a phone call with a financial aid officer at Carleton?
Do it somewhere private. You need to put your cards on the table-- tell that person even with Pell and Work Study (did you get Work Study?) you cannot make the numbers work. Your housing situation isn’t stable, your parents work history and future prospects aren’t stable, you REALLY want to go to Carleton but at the moment, your only option appears to be living at home and commuting.
See what they can do. This could be your lifeline to a much more stable future- don’t dismiss it as an option without exploring further.
Re: Majors- I don’t think you need to worry about employability right now. Carleton is known as a rigorous school; major in applied math, major in chemistry, I forget what you are interested in from your other thread, but find something that you are good at and are interested in and then work your tail off.
I also looked at your other thread. I’m impressed that you got into Carleton. I am in leer as to what your EFC is. As in, how much will you be expected to pay? If you only need to come up with $8.5 k a year, that is almost too good to pass up. Carleton is a top college, highly regarded, and I have no doubt you would easily be able to cover that and have some left over from summer jobs. Getting work after college will happen. You could even stay in the summers, working at the college or in town. Minneapolis isn’t far away.
CPP is a good choice too, but this is one case where I think if you can get out of town, you should. Your home situation doesn’t sound the healthiest. I say with confidence that Carleton is worth the money.
As for you feeling all your hard work was for nothing, maybe you didn’t get into your top choice colleges, but most people who aim high don’t. I honestly am wondering where that comes from. You have two colleges to attend, both of which are affordable. You should be proud of yourself.
In the other thread, the OP seemed unsure, but possibly pre-med and biology, for major at Carleton, versus aerospace engineering at CPP.
An $8.5k net price would need a direct loan of $5.5k and about $3k of part time and summer work earnings (but the Carleton FA offer included only $2k of work-study preferences for on-campus jobs, so finding non-work-study jobs for at least $1k is needed).
If Carleton is still an option, you might want to check this out (if you have not already):
Long story short, it is not at all impossible to end up an engineer after starting at Carleton, although you may find many other paths you prefer.
If you do go to CPP–I think you will find it is a much bigger change from your HS experience than you are suggesting, even without the residential component. Maybe not as much as Carleton would be, but I think you will in fact be able to get that feeling of having started an entirely new phase in your life.
I have tried adult attitudes, my dad actively sabotages me when I try to get a job or do anything remotely good for my future. That’s why I wanted to get out, it’s so difficult to get anything down when someone keeps trying to purposefully drag you down.
I was a bit dramatic yesterday night, I’m still contacting the financial aid office for aid but with my twin also going to college, I don’t think they will ever meet something as low as 1k a year. Not to mention persuading my parents to let me go out of state, that’s another beast to handle within itself. It was too early for me to complain like this, and I think I need to hold my horses on complainijg and see what happens.
It’s not likely that you’ll be able to leave home without some loans. That’s just reality. But if the combination of the federal loan plus your Pell plus getting a job once you’re on campus to help with incidental expenses can work- wow.
The 2k parent contribution is what worries me. If my brother also has 2k contribution that’ll be 4k and probably not manageable at all for my mom on 45k income… Rent is already 2300 and SNAP benefits are ending, they’re getting taken off MediCal, just a lot is happening at once.
I fully understand that and I’m okay with taking out loans. Is it possible to take out loans for my parent contribution instead of having them take it on?
That’s why I suggested a phone call (when you have privacy) with a financial aid officer.
Time to put your cards on the table- your parents benefits are getting cut, you’ve got a twin who also wants to go to college, there is likely not going to be a parent contribution of any kind. So YOU are going to make that contribution- and you are asking for help from the college to make it work.
You are not the first person to be in this situation.
