<p>The other thing is, which some else mentioned above, sometimes taking a break works in an unexpected way. My daughter has quit violin twice, and then decided twice that she missed it, and is (for now) a contented violin player. I remember reading Summer Sanders book, and how she quit swimming for awhile, and realized that she just wasn’t happy not swimming, and went back to it with a renewed passion. My friend (of course, much older than your D!) who sings in the opera chorus felt burnt out and took a break and she too realized that she didn’t like not doing it, but is in a better place now mentally, more content with her chosen path, having taken the time off and realizing that other options just aren’t as appealing as what she is already doing. A break can be a very good thing.</p>
<p>klmcpa: I think you are quite right to be worried about your D and burnout. I am speaking from my own experience here. My D is like yours, very driven and never wanting to quit anything, always taking on too much. She also worked at a demanding job her senior year in high school and in summers and at Christmas break. This fall as a junior in college with a very hard schedule, everything has come crashing down. I realized that she had only had a few weeks of rest (just spring breaks freshman and soph. years) and one week after soph. year. All the rest of the time from fall of senior year she was in school and/or working. Burnout isn’t just for adults–it can affect college kids too. </p>
<p>Try to encourage your D to have some down time before and during college. Looking back, I wish I had insisted on it.</p>
<p>
Please educate your daughter about how “well-lopsided” selective colleges like their students! She does not need to be active in everything - but should show passion and interest and focus for one or more things. If she doesn’t have the passion - quit!!! It sounds like she needs a break and a reality check and someone (you?) to step in and allow her to “drop the ball.” And does she have to keep the partime job? If it is possible to quit that, too, encourage her to quit. My daughter was a focused, driven kid and was way too busy all through high-school. When she began losing interest in one of her EC’s her senior year, I strongly encouraged her to cut back on her committment to the activity. It did not hurt her admissions chances (she was admitted to all the selective schools she applied to), and it made her life more fun.
I will not have this problem with HS JR DS. He is laid back and has barely any EC’s. He’ll still be able to find a good college.</p>
<p>you are such a good parent to notice these things 
i was a lot like your daughter in high school… an average of 4 hours of sleep a night, losing interest in activities i used to enjoy, an unhealthy amount of stress about getting into college, the whole bit. and my parents didnt notice any of it; they never knew when i’d pull 3 all nighters in one week.<br>
i was exhausted and depressed and irritated all the time (one reason i suspect my parents rarely spoke to me) but i still got into my first choice school, a top LAC. my first semester here, i took things real slow, and when i look back on high school i’m absolutely amazed at how much i did, and quite proud of it too because i didn’t quit and i didnt ask for any help. and next semester i’m piling the activities back on, after spending this one figuring out how to take time off.
since your daughter seems reluctant to drop an activity or two, it might make her feel inadequate if she does. even if things get rough once in a while, she will end up much stronger for it - at least i did. she is really lucky to have a concerned parent, just don’t nag her about it.<br>
does your daughter have a social life in addition to all her work? i would suggest telling her to take some mental health days - yes! skip school! even on days where there is a big test! it’s ok! - with a friend or two and de-stress. maybe go sledding if you live in a snowy area, have hot chocolate, and just not worry about school. remembering that i was a teenage girl who liked to gossip and not just a homework/EC machine often helped me to give 100% in my life again.</p>
<p>anxiousmom, good advice.</p>
<p>Thank you for all of your replies and concern. </p>
<p>BHappyMom hit the nail on the head, I believe, with this quote: “I think sometimes the type of kid that is very driven, has high expectations and has received recognition for excellence in academics, sports, arts from parents, teachers, etc finds it very difficult to ‘dial down’ and do less. The rush and rewards that achievement bring can be like a drug too.” At least with respect to my daughter, this is probably the primary reason that she won’t give anything up. Her activities define her.</p>
<p>I agree with all of you who have noted that the sports are the problem. I think that they are affecting her enjoyment of every other activity in which she participates. I am going to bring up the possibility of dropping her spring sport in hopes that she will recognize that it is simply not bringing enough value to her life to justify the stress.</p>
<p>She is very aware of the capricious nature of college admissions. Luckily for us, she is bright and not terribly emotional (unlike me!) so she seems to be fairly objective about her chances at some of her reaches. Although not unemotional and objective enough to <em>want</em> to attend her safety, lol.</p>
<p>Thanks again for the support. As a lot of you know, it is hard to broach this subject with other parents who are not dealing with the same type of kid. My friends look at my daughter, see the outward success, and assume that there are no problems and that we have nothing to worry about. And compared to the problems that some of them are dealing with, they are right. But our bright, high achievers have a different set of problems, but ones that are troubling in their own right.</p>
<p>If you talk to your daughter you can approach this as a life lesson and a step towards maturity.</p>
<p>For the rest of her life she will need to constantly reassess what is “working” and what is not, and make adjustments. Friendships are reassessed, career paths are reassessed, childrearing practices are reassessed…</p>
<p>A really concrete method for assessment is to make a list of pros and cons of the thing being evaluated. What is positive about continuing sport X; what is negative? Sometimes surprising “pros” can crop up that explain why it is hard to let go. For example, are a few very good friends on the team, whom she might not otherwise see? It it her year to be captain or all league? Then she can weigh the pros and the cons and decide. I know my D who is an athlete and a musician really defines herself as both; to give one up might be giving up a part of herself and a whole social group. If this is the case, maybe a lesser involvement in the same sport could work?</p>
<p>Emotionally intelligent people have the ability to change course and regroup and do not follow slavishly a path that is not longer productive, joyful. One closed door creates the opening of another. </p>
<p>Maybe if you frame the discussion in this way, so that she can see that dropping the sport connotes maturity (not giving up), self-knowledge (not meltdown) and flexibilty (not flakiness) she will be less locked in to continuing and can make a clear headed choice.</p>
<p>For sure college admissions should have nothing to do with this decision to go on in the sport. In fact, the angst of a decision to prune out a long-time activity would make a great essay topic.</p>
<p>kimcpa–just want to wish you the best in helping your daughter figure this one out.</p>