We have some younger neighbors who are having a baby. I didn’t know them well when their first was born 3 years ago, so never bought anything. The husband has an older daughter from his first marriage, maybe 10. She doesn’t live with them FT. I am going to buy a gift for the baby, but hate not having something little to give the 3 year old, who I’ve come to know…plus he’s 3 and I don’t want to cause jealousy. But it seems to be getting out of hand with the older one, who I never see nor would I even know! But it would be a slight.
I’ve always just stuck with the baby. Personally, I’ve always used such situations with my own children as an opportunity to learn that life isn’t always about them. It’s a good thing to be happy for and recognize the accomplishments of and celebrations for others. I kind of feel the sibling gift thing is a newer phenomenon.
However, if you do decide to give something to the 3 year old than a small something something for the 10 year old would be appropriate. I’d keep both small.
I always buy something for the siblings, no matter what the situation is. It helps them feel included and special, and I imagine that this 10 year old might appreciate another validation of the importance of her place in this family. It doesn’t have to be a big gift; ours are often books, a small toy, or art supplies.
I would definitely buy something for the 3 year old too - so easy to do! If you are not going to see the 10 year old at all, I wouldn’t worry about her - at 10 she will probably be old enough to “get” that this is a time for baby gifts.
Or, you could get a book for the baby but address the gift to the 10 year old as “big sister reading material” - encouraging her role as big sister - if you know something the 10 year old loves - likes horses or dance - choose a book that is about that subject.
I’m not a big fan of the “everyone gets a gift” thing. When S was born a few people gave a small gift to D ( who was almost 5 ) but I didn’t expect it.
3-year olds understand the delight of a gift, but can’t comprehend why the gifts keep coming for the baby or parent, but not for them. Little people have big emotions. Not to mention how upside-down their life suddenly seems with the new addition!
So, if the older sibling is still very young, I like to include a wrapped treat for the big brother or big sister. Doesn’t need to be expensive, but wrapped in a festive way so the little receiver gets the big thrill of a “present” to open. Seems like a small thing to do, but makes the little ones very pleased.
Baby gifts are usually more for the parents than the baby.
But if you do get something for the 3 yr old, DON’T skip the 10 yr old. That would only suggest very clearly that she isn’t really part of this family.
I’d consider getting something like a board book for the 3 yr old and an age-appropriate book for the 10 yr old.
I didn’t expect anything to be given to our other children when we had babies, and neither did the children, but we were all delighted and touched when people included them by giving them something. These usually small gifts (candy, play-doh, etc.) left a big impression! Again, no expectations, though…
It’s true that the presents for the baby are really for the parents, but that’s not what the sibling sees. Like others have said, the child’s life is being totally turned upside down. I don’t think they need a life lesson on not being the center of attention; they’re getting it already. So I always get some small thing for siblings–usually a book.
I really think one of the best gifts is the unexpected. It is so fun to get a gift from a neighbor or friend of a parent when you weren’t expecting it. I think the 10 year old would be so thrilled to come to her father’s house, with the new baby and the old baby and where she may not have many friends in the area and find that Ms. Brown had left this gift just for her! You’d be quite the hero.
" the child’s life is being totally turned upside down"
I don’t think it has to be perceived that way or even is that way. At least in my own family and that of my extended family, it hasn’t been an issue. Things have been handled in a way that the older sibling views it as a positive thing for the family and themselves - being a big brother/sister, new family member to welcome and love, plenty of love to go around, etc. My experiences haven’t match the sitcom stereotype of displaced, upset older sibling. Perhaps that’s why I think a sibling gift is unnecessary although a kind and welcomed gesture if one decides to do so.
It’s a sweet thought to include the siblings with small gifts. But i guess i didnt know that was a “thing.” When our piano teacher had #6 - we only took a gift for baby; neighbor had #4 & we took gift and dinner; when other neighbor internationally adopted we just gave to baby. It’s never wrong to be kind though!
Friends just this month had their second daughter. The first, age 4, has been so very excited. She named the baby as soon as they found out the sex and the parents just went with the flow and allowed the name, since luckily they liked it. And they want to support the involvement.
I got her a present for her to give “her” baby: Sister dolls.
I always get a little something for the big sibs. If there are a whole bunch, it could be a group gift, a game or something.
I usually get a gift for the siblings…something small. A coloring book and crayons, or a small book. I’ve given gift cards to the local ice cream place too.
When we were young and broke and all our friends were having babies all the time, I used to get the “big” sibs colorful stickers. They always seemed absolutely thrilled. They weren’t jealous of onesies. They had something much better.