When I was younger I used to feel that way, but as I get older I think it is good for people to have different goals and they should be able to to do it without having to constantly consulting (or get permission) from another person. It is, of course, with the caviar of a couple having additional disposal income after they have paid for expenses, which would include savings for the family.
As an example, D1’s husband loves skiing and she not so much. He wants to go skiing with his buddies every year. They both like to go out with their own friends for dinners/drinks. D1 likes to go to spa with her girlfriends. She likes clothes and he likes gadgets. They both fund their own expenditures with their own money. It takes out a lot of stress of consulting another person if they could spend certain amount of money. They jointly pay for their kid’s expenses, house, food, vacation, dinner out as a family, etc. That all come out of their joint account that they fund every month. I think it would be hard to do if they could barely pay for their expenses with both paychecks.
This is the method my married kids use.
We, as a married couple, have the same goals. I don’t think we would have gotten married if we had different ones.
Many moons ago, I used to meet my bestie for a long week (but inexpensive) girls’ weekend. My husband does a boys’ ski trip every year (also not expensive) - have fun honey! We of course look at the calendar, make sure everything is covered, etc. But trips aren’t goals. And while we may have some separate hobbies (pickleball anyone?!), we don’t lead separate lives.
Careers have goals - and we support each others (which, admittedly are not very high 
).
We agree on the prioritization of our financial goals.
We married in our twenties and neither had a ton of money. He had more than me, but I eventually made more than him. I eventually worked part time. He at one point worked 2 jobs. I eventually went back full time. He had the good but inexpensive family health insurance. So both of our incomes/benefits fluctuated throughout the years. But it is all “our” money, “our” house, etc. We contribute in different ways (not just monetarily).
I never knew how people worked it out with keeping their finances separate. What happens when he stays home with the triplets - he has no money of his own? What if he inherits from his family - she gets no say in what to do with it? Is it my couch if bought with my money? What if I want a fancy vacation but he can’t “afford” it?
We are a team, we are on the same side.
Absolutely to each his own - but “mine” and “yours” doesn’t work for us.
Of course, we don’t have children other than ours together, one of us doesn’t come from enormous wealth, etc. so that makes it less complicated.
And while I am a believer in “team” and “joint”, I do believe people need to protect themselves - I would not want my daughters to completely give up working or contribute towards a house that their name was not on, or not have their names on a bank account they were contributing to, etc.
I have 2 kids. One couple met in college, are the same age and make approximately the same salary.
Even though they have separate bank accounts and a joint account, they make decisions together and finances are combined. Similar socioeconomic conditions growing up.
The other had a more circuitous path to marriage. They are older, just getting married and more established. Each has their own accounts and own debt. Very different socioeconomic situations growing up. Make different amounts. Their finances are very different than the other kid because there are very different circumstances.
We weren’t in a place to give money for a house to either. Our parents weren’t in a place, and their parents weren’t in a place. Long standing of each generation doing better than the last.
We always co mingled our finances, but again we married young with little more than our educations (and no student debt). But the picture does change when people marry later/bring considerable assets to the marriage/have children from a prior marriage, etc.
100% agree with this
This one is tricky for me. I did inherit a substantial trust fund (within the last few years). But the money is specifically to pass to my (our) children when I die. So it really isn’t H’s money. That said, I haven’t spent much of it and that was mainly gifting to the kids (they get some now rather than waiting). And I would not spend any significant amount of money without H’s knowledge.
Saw this in the local paper and thought of this thread. While the families described in the article did not give the money to their kids directly, they helped the kids save for a downpayment by letting them live in the parents’ home rent-free.
3 kids here. One too young and unattached and satisfied with apt living right now. 
S is in the middle and married 7 years. Married younger - like 24 - but they were high school sweethearts. At this point he is making much more than his wife. That will likely be that way going forward - she is always working but not high income positions. I’m not sure how they do everything except I know they have separate accounts but he surely pays for more of the household expenses - and I don’t think he has any issue and sees it as “us” and his $ is her $ and they work it out. I can’t imagine him - or her - ever being worried about “mine” for most things - it’s “ours”. That is their way.
D1 is getting married this year. Mid 30’s as is her fiancé. Both have very good jobs and make good money. Him more than her if down to brass tacks, but both doing well. They have separate accounts and I imagine it will stay that way. I don’t know how they split things up but they have done it for a few years, living together so I think they’ve got it figured out! No prenup planned as far as I know. Currently renting. Don’t know if a house would make a difference.
To be honest, I don’t know anyone with a prenup.
A friend of mine who married a few years ago did a prenup. She is in her mid/late 40’s has a job with a pension and owned a home. Her spouse is a few years older, also owned a home (and had been previously married). Neither ever had children. In this situation, where both brought assets and property to the marriage, I think a pre nup was very smart and both are protected.
They could keep the assets they had prior to marriage in their own names. After the marriage, put earnings in a joint account, a joint spending account and a joint savings account to hold leftover. What pitfalls would there be if you do that?
I don’t know how they manage their money. But I would have done a pre nup in the same situation.
I don’t know anyone in a first marriage who signed a prenup. But I know plenty of people in second or third marriages that have one. I can absolutely see the point of utilizing one if you get married later in your life, and you’ve acquired significant assets.
When my father remarried after my mother passed away, he did a prenup. I was very grateful because I have a number of friends whose fathers have remarried later in life, and the second wife (and her children) ends up with all of the inheritance when the father passes away first. They don’t know if that’s what their father intended, but it was the result.
I know of a kind of heartbreaking version of what you described. The dad told the adult kids they’d be well taken care of, but then he died, and they weren’t. The wife got everything and the kids got nothing or very little.
Please move on from prenups, or posters are welcomed to start a new thread. Thank you.
This is what I am trying to avoid. One shouldn’t feel “generous”. Ideally they should feel that they are contributing equitably. If there is a big income difference, what can you do to feel equitable? Even between very loving couples, I’ve seen it slip out, you bought this with MY money… How can we arrange so one doesn’t have to feel generous and the other dependent financially.
They pay the mortgage proportionally based on salary. She put in a proportional share of the down payment. They have spreadsheets for sharing expenses. He wasn’t comfortable with her paying him rent. It didn’t feel equitable to him.
But they also aren’t married, and aren’t sure they ever will be. They’re very non-traditional. If she felt something were unequal, she’d absolutely raise the issue.
The women in my sons’ lives are far more assertive than I am. Thank goodness!
Wonderful! Isn’t it good to know they can haggle out what’s equitable themselves?
We married 1 year out of college. Our net worth at that time probably was negative $50-60K. DW did have more college debt than I did. We built up what we have together. We have always been a team. We approached situations with what made the most financial sense for our goals. For a time that meant DW stayed home with the kids. That of course affected her career.
At the end of the day we just have one pile of money, but starting out broke made that easy.
Not if it will be the same for my girls.
First marriage - started with zero money, zero debt. Combined finances, but very different financial goals/values. Didn’t work out.
Second marriage - fair amount of assets involved, normal debt (house/car). Didn’t combine assets, but pay half of most “big” expenses. Similar financial goals/values, but very different money management approaches. (I never balance my checkbook, don’t pay much attention to how much I have in the various accounts, etc. He manages to the penny). Separate finances works fine for us. My husband would tell you I am much better at big picture financial stuff than he is, but his need to closely manage and my lack of attention just wouldn’t work well if we co-mingled.
Apologies if this has already been posted. I haven’t been following this thread, but I saw this Schwab article this AM and thought it might be beneficial for some.
Interesting article. Wonder why they left out what seems to be the most common way…. gifting money to help with the downpayment. During the seller’s market, I did hear of some parents gifting for entire purchase (to have a cash deal advantage during bidding wars), but most parents would not have the means or desire to do that.