<p>I was wondering about that, Jym. I saw many types of therapists and related professionals when I was young, and only one of them seemed to go the “empathy and unconditional positive regard” route. That woman was my last therapist and one who I saw in my early teens: I was doing considerably better at that point and came across as intelligent and well-adjusted (so she had missed the serious and more questionable issues I had when I was younger). We had some things in common personality-wise, and my values and thought processes were quite clear and understandable, making empathy probably quite natural. Previous professionals, ones who I saw in the midst of sometimes serious problems when I was 10+ years old, were often very challenging in their words, actions, questions, directives, etc. The attention was clearly on me as a patient rather than me as a person during the times I needed it. My experiences include talking therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy, treatment bordering on analysis, and some other styles that I don’t know names of.</p>
<p>I’ve been following your posts for a long time. I know you’re a smart, capable and wonderful young woman. I agree with you that many of your peers eat an even worse diet than the one you talk about. That doesn’t make yours good. Don’t you have a student center where you can get salads, fruits, etc.?</p>
<p>What worries me as a psychologist who has worked with some great young women with eating disorders is that you know that others see you as thin while you see yourself as overweight. This is the ultimate red flag. I took the time to find the thread you are upset about and read every post. I think most posters care about you very much. I know I do. I know corranged and soozievt care about you. </p>
<p>The major therapeutic traditions and research of which I am aware appear to agree that the most important part of therapy is the therapeutic relationship. Successful therapeutic relationships typically are based on the therapist’s genuineness, empathy and unconditional positive regard for the client.</p>
<p>Traditions and techniques differ, and a challenging, questioning or directive approach can be effective, as can Rogers’ nondirective, “client-centered” approach. Nevertheless, as I understand it, for any approach to have a good chance of progress or success, there should be a therapeutic relationship based on empathy and unconditional positive regard for the client.</p>
<p>I read the posts on the weight thread; agreed with most, was concerned that the volume might make you defensive.</p>
<p>Please know that, because this is a Parents’ forum, you will get responses from folks who, by virtue of their life experiences, will want to nurture, educate, warn, and help.</p>
<p>The fact that we were all alarmed by your thinking should, really, make you think twice. There is nothing mean-spirited about it. Many of us have seen similar situations, and we are concerned for you.</p>
<p>Please do not take our comments to be intended in a spirit other than wanting to help you. You may not think you need help. Maybe you are right (though I do not think so), but that does not mean that we have any motives other than your best interest. </p>
<p>Many of us have not only seen similar situations–we have been in them. Or might be in them now. This is not a “holier than thou” forum. We all have problems and are trying to help each other.</p>
<p>ADad, without veering too much from the purpose of getting a message to Wolfpiper, as we all care, including you, it doesn’t matter what approach a therapist uses. CC is not for therapy. We are lay people who are posting on a message board and are not using or responsible for any “therapy approaches.” While there may be some professional therapists posting here (and I do notice a few on this thread alone), they are not using a message board to provide therapy. The only thing I think members are doing is listening to wolfpiper, caring about her, and advising her that while she may not view any problems with her plans and thoughts about food, we observe serious red flags and urge her to talk to someone in real time about her diet plans and her thoughts on food/weight/self, and so on. If she is confident there is no problem, that’s fine. She can run her plan by a professional who can go from there. But we are not attempting any “approach” here or surely not therapy. That is not what this forum is for. However, there are many caring adults here and we all care about young people, or would not even be on CC, and we worry about wolfpiper and hope she will run the same ideas she brought to CC on the other diet thread (she posted for a reason, it is clear) to someone in her life, or at least her primary care physician, as anyone starting a severe diet is advised to do, that’s all.</p>
<p>wolfie…after all these years, you are part of the CC parent ‘family’. Surely you don’t think it is fair to take, take, take the hundreds of bits of CC academic advice–and then turn on your heel when you hear personal advice (which you solicited btw) that you don’t appreciate.</p>
<p>Families don’t treat each other like that. Adults don’t treat each other like that.</p>
<p>Take some time away. Catch your breath. Ask yourself why you posted the weight thread if you didn’t want to hear concerned advice. </p>
<p>You’re a smart girl contemplating health professions. You know that a 16 BMI is not a healthy goal.</p>
<p>I’m glad you have read the comments and hope that you can feel the good will in the feedback. Remember that you posed the question in the first place and wanted feedack and maybe subconsciously, you also have concerns about your plans. Why don’t you run them by the doctor or a dietician or someone in regular life who can double check the diet and can advise you like you truly wanted anyway? That would be a good idea and many have encouraged you to do so. There’s nothing to lose by getting some guidance with your plan. I’d advise anyone to do that who was contemplating this sort of diet. It is truly a good idea. Take care.</p>
<p>I did not post this initially because, well, it seemed rather gross and personal, but I think it would help a lot of people get a better idea of the whole situation: </p>
<p>Contray to what some posters seem to think, I don’t think I have an eating disorder. Rather, I’m trying to manage a chronic intestinal condition (resulting from two neonatal surgeries, always been there, not really treatable) which really limits the amounts and types of food I feel comfortable eating. I went years without managing this, but finally decided that it would be prudent to pay more attention in this area. I can’t really see a dietician per say because I lack the money, the confidence in their advice, and the willingness to discuss this (only my family knows and even then I hate discussing it with them because it’s just not pleasent). So there’s that.</p>
<p>Yeah, I want to lose weight, too, but show me an American woman who doesn’t? Half the population isn’t pathological.</p>
<p>I suspected that might be one of your issues–I have several friends who are wheelchair users and there are always “bathroom issues.”</p>
<p>All the more reason to make every calorie count towards nutrition. And you shouldn’t be shy about seeking help on this problem as any other problem you have had with your health–whether from your family or your regular health care professional. You’re asking us–in the aggregate we know what good nutrition is but what do we know about your particular problems and possible solutions? </p>
<p>And I know lots of women who are happy with their body type/weight. My daughter and I, for instance. But thanks to bombardment by advertising and photoshopped & airbrushed images, easily half the (female) population thinks they are abnormal. It’s insidious and demoralizing.</p>
<p>It’s not wanting to lose weight that’s unhealthy. It is your particular weight goal your false conception of your body, your food choices, and your reluctance to see a qualified professional that are unhealthy. </p>
<p>Your health is actually more important than money and embarrassment. There are combinations of foods and vitamins that you can eat that will help you get to / maintain a healthy weight while getting all of the nutrients and other stuff you need. A specialized doctor or registered dietitian are the best people to help you to figure out a diet that will work for you. (IMO you should see a specialist physician and then a nutritionist since they will each work on different aspects of your problems, but I doubt you’ll try to do that.) Keep a detailed food journal with what you eat and what your reactions are for, say, a month. Find a professional who you feel comfortable with, who is well respected, who is affordable, and who has experience with similar digestive disorders. Then go into your appointment ready and prepared with questions. Make the most of that hour. You can afford this because it’s for your health. The professional you see shouldn’t dictate what to eat; his/her job is to listen to you, talk to you, and together find food choices that will work for you to keep you healthy in every way possible. </p>
<p>This appointment can get you started on smarter eating for your body for the rest of your life. It is worth the money, the time, and the potential embarrassment. </p>
<p>The only problem left is that you say you lack confidence in their advice. Why? Why would you trust your own amateur knowledge about food and nutrition over somebody who has spent decades studying this and successfully helping others? You need to look at it as a team with both of you trying to find a successful solution. If you go in with knowledge about your own body and your own experiences, the nutritionist will take that and add his own knowledge about the digestive system, nutrition, and foods and his own experience with people with problems similar to yours in order to work out a diet plan that will work for you.</p>
<p>(Did you really think that telling us additional reasons why you should see a professional would convince us that you don’t need to?)</p>
<p>wolfpiper,
I would go to a nutritionist because, especially because, of the other factors you might have with eating/diet.
There’s so much to “attractiveness”- we all want to be attractive, and being thin is very in vogue now and naturally we all want to be what’s in vogue…
But also, we want to look and feel good. Healthy. Healthy hair, skin, nails; and eating healthy also creates such a feeling of well-being and, well…it just makes you THINK better. Sharper. Quicker.<br>
I’ve done what you’re contemplating. I’ve had HORRIBLE dietary patterns in the past and when I look back at pictures and think about how I felt at the time…well, it wasn’t good. Pale, brittle, transparent, lifeless, listless. Those are adjectives I’d use to describe myself during those times. It feels so much better to have a vibrant, healthy diet.<br>
And it doesn’t need to be yucky food.<br>
Anyway, wolfpiper, I’m glad you came back on to CC. People here really care about you and want to help. Thanks for rejoining us! :)</p>
<p>I will point out that there is a difference between a dietitian and a nutritionist. A nutritionist will help you reach your food goals more healthily; a dietitian plans meals.</p>
<p>You might want to try adding a probiotic (lactobacillus, acidophilus, etc.) to your diet if you are having digestive issues that make you uncomfortable. My dog has IBD and that made a huge difference for her; I realize you’re not a dog, but the advice to try the probiotic for her came from several humans I know with IBD. </p>
<p>You haven’t addressed the multiple issues of weight and wheelchair use. Over the years I’ve known several wheelchair athletes, and the lighter they are, the easier it is to use that wheelchair. However, you’ll need to maintain your muscular strength as well. (Or do you use a mechanized wheelchair?)</p>
<p>You’re at a big university. Somewhere there is a nutrition student who would see your issues as an interesting challenge. Find that person and you won’t have to pay.</p>
<p>Indeed, you might find that enrolling in a nutrition class yourself would pay lifelong dividends. </p>
<p>In fact, since you are clearly interested in a health-related profession, you might consider becoming a registered dietician or nutritionist, and providing counseling to others. </p>
<p>There’s a growing need for well-trained and empathetic professionals, because nutrition impacts so many other health conditions (in addition to the obvious ones like obesity, heart disease, diabetes, celiac, there is a growing awareness of possible connections between diet and arthritis, mental illness, and many others.)</p>
<p>And unlike physical therapy or pharmacy, the typical jobs held by nutritionists do not require physical strength or dexterity.</p>
<p>This is funny, because I have just been pm-ing wolfpiper about studying nutrition. I woke up thinking about it–must have been dreamimg about her.</p>
<p>I think she could be really interested in this field and make significant contributions. The science involved is quite similar to that involved in pharmacy studies.</p>
But thanks to bombardment by advertising and photoshopped & airbrushed images, easily half the (female) population thinks they are abnormal. It’s insidious and demoralizing.</p>