Bye!

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I’ve been a member of CC for years, and you guys have helped me a ton from pointing me to college I would eventaully choose to giving me a shoulder to cry on when my dreams of pharmacy came crashing down. I appreciated you–and still do. But these last couple of days have shown me a side of CC I never would have thought existed to this degree–anamosity,arrongance, and, above all, accusation (Really, if I was a ■■■■■ I hope I come up with something better to ■■■■■ about and wouldn’t take four-plus years to do it!). I’m hurt, I’m mad, and I’m disappointed–but I still appreciate all you’ve done for me. I had hoped to stay around here and perhaps help others with college process, but it’s clear now that my time on CC is done. If anyone of you has anything you really want to ask me about, you can PM me, but that’s it.</p>

<p>Best of luck to you and all your wonderful children. May all you find happiness, prosperity, peace, and health.</p>

<p>Take care,
wolfpiper</p>

2

<p>There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be skinny. 5’6 and 100 pounds is okay. Just do it in a normal way :). I’ve enjoyed your posts, good luck with everything.</p>

3

<p>disappointed that we care enough about someone we don’t really know, to be honest with you that you could get very sick wanting to do what you wanted to do? you found us arrogant because we disagreed with your wish to live in a very unhealthy way?</p>

<p>I am sad that you feel you need to leave because caring people told you the truth</p>

4

<p>The ■■■■■ comment came because no one really thought that someones dream was to be 5’6 and 100 pounds</p>

<p>my mom is under 5 feet tall, and when she slipped to 95 pounds due to depression, she looked horrible and the doctor was very scared</p>

<p>she is know a healthy 103, which for her size is still skinny, but at least healthy</p>

<p>I can’t imagine if I streched her over half a foot and she was the same weight. it would make me cry</p>

5

<p>5’6" and 100 pounds is not OK–especially considering Wolfpiper hasn’t spoken to a doctor about her particular situation.</p>

<p>Wouldn’t you rather we express our concerns about your physical and mental health rather than endorse a diet that we believe is unhealthy? </p>

<p>I hope that you come to see our point of view. If you are angry and disappointed with parents and peers who won’t support you through an unhealthy decision while you are showing signs of body image problems, then you are going to find yourself losing a lot more people in your life. </p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

6

<p>Hi Wolf,</p>

<p>I wish you the best. I didn’t post on that other thread of yours because as soon as I read your initial post I knew what all the responding posters would say. I just went back and read the last couple of pages of posts and honestly, I didn’t see anyone trying to be mean to you - I think they almost unanimously have your best interests at heart. You’re a smart person and I think if you re-read those in a couple of days you’ll realize they were only trying to help you. Re-read your original post from a third-person perspective or imagine that was your sister or someday, daughter, asking you the exact same questions and consider what your response would be.</p>

<p>Anyway, I’m sure no one would hold anything against you if you want to continue as wolfpiper here or you could always come back under an different moniker if you decide you like the community but wanted to not be identified as the wolfpiper.</p>

7

<p>Wolfpiper, I hope you read this…</p>

<p>I just read your other thread, and I do not think anyone was trying to be mean. Rather, they probably became frustrated because they could not seem to make you understand their points of view. And I truly think they have your best interest at heart. </p>

<p>My dear cousin, who was more like a sister, developed anorexia while we were in college. She suffered health issues as a result and passed away just two years ago. PLEASE recognize what is going on and get help. That is all anyone here wanted to convey to you: that they care.</p>

8

<p>Wolfpiper, </p>

<p>I am pretty sure you are reading the responses here because you bothered to put up a “goodbye” thread which isn’t truly allowed on CC. I didn’t participate on your other thread, but I read a bunch of it. </p>

<p>You are a student and you came to a Parent discussion forum to talk about your diet plans, etc. Therefore, you elicited responses from a bunch of…parents! For the most part, the parents on CC are a very knowledgeable and caring group of adults who LIKE TO HELP YOUNG PEOPLE. That is why they took the time to thoughtfully reply to you. I don’t think anyone was being mean whatsoever, but rather they CARE about you and were reaching out to you, even though what they were advising you is NOT what you were hoping to hear. </p>

<p>The problem is, I don’t think you truly HEARD what they were saying. I say this, not because you didn’t read their posts, but because a big part of your issue is that you do not SEE that you even have a problem. But you do, sweetie, you truly do. Those who have read your posts can see the problem, that you don’t see. It comes across loud and clear to those who have read your posts and your story. We know that in situations like yours, a major issue is that you don’t see where you have ANY problem at all. THAT’s the problem! We understand that you do NOT appear to recognize it and likely resent that others are pointing out what can clearly be inferred from reading your posts. Your posts have a lot of red flags that are telltale signs of someone with “eating issues.” </p>

<p>I won’t get into the specifics about your planned unhealthy and dangerous “diet” or your weight goal or the fact that you feel you are too heavy and need to weigh that little, and so on. </p>

<p>While you do not see any problem with your plans or your thoughts on the subject or your goals, I, along with MANY parents here, who also know others who have eating disorders or issues with food and can readily recognize the signs in your posts, URGE you to either talk with a counselor or trusted relative or teacher, and share the same things you told us about your thoughts about your eating plans or talk to a doctor or dietician and run your diet and weight goal by them and just go from there. Share the same things you told us and get their opinion. What do you have to lose? (besides weight!) Anyone going on a diet, particularly such a severe one, should run it by a doctor anyway. Even if you ONLY share that part, that will be enough and then see what they advise you. </p>

<p>You mention in your post on this thread that the parents on CC have helped you a lot in the past about college stuff. Please realize that in that very same way, they are truly reaching out to help you again. They care about you. In fact, you must have had some questions about your diet, enough to run it by a group of adults in the first place. And now you have gotten a resounding message from many helpful caring adults whose advice you have relied on in the past. </p>

<p>So, please run your diet, goals, and thoughts about losing weight and your image of why you feel you must do this by someone who either deals with young adults in a counseling fashion or by a medical person to get their input. That would be good advice to anyone starting a severe diet anyway. </p>

<p>We understand that you don’t recognize anything wrong with your stance on eating and dieting. We can’t convince you. Try to hear that every adult on CC see signs of a concern. Even if you do not see it yourself, heed their advice to talk to a professional whose opinion you really value. That person will have no bias and will want to help you. You can do this even if you feel you need NO help at all. You simply should share your story and plan with someone in the field who can make sure your diet is healthy and not harmful. If you are confident about it, then there is no harm in getting either medical advice or counseling advice. </p>

<p>As others have said above, the parents here have your BEST interests at heart, as they have in the past regarding college advice. Be well.</p>

9

<p>Good post, Soozievt.</p>

10

<p>Corranged…I have read your posts on wolfpiper’s other thread, as well as many posts of yours elsewhere, and you are extremely wise and thoughtful and your posts impress me a great deal for somone your age (I presume you are a college student). I HOPE that wolfpiper at least can see that a student or young adult like yourself, is also concerned about her because others like you, have friends with similar thoughts/issues that Wolfpiper is describing. Nothing hurts more than seeing a peer who really needs assistance but who does not see it that way herself. That is why I hope that even though wolfpiper comes across as not feeling she needs any help, that she sees no harm in running her diet plans by a medical person or a counselor. There is a REASON she even came here to discuss it. I think SHE even has questions about it. It is hard to take that first step but I hope wolfpiper hears that even a peer like you really cares about her and hopes she will seek some advice from a professional as she “diets.”</p>

11

<p>wolfpiper, </p>

<p>Remember PMing me your essay so long ago? I cheered for you through that process and I cheer for you now. </p>

<p>Just because the advice you are getting on this question ‘stings’ doesn’t make us suddenly wrong-headed or mean. We’re still the same sensible caring parents we’ve always been and you are still the courageous bright girl we’ve enjoyed knowing. Parents generally give pretty good advice (especially when they’re not YOUR parents!) because we take a longer view of things than kids do. We want the best for you. </p>

<p>It is almost self-defining that people with addictions, eating disorders, compulsions, or other similar problems are very threatened when confornted about them. I remember that poor kid at Cornell who posted here about his drinking habits and got a chorus of horrified warnings about alcoholism / binge drinking. He died after a night of partying a few months later. Remember? He thought the advice was way off-base too.</p>

<p>Step back. </p>

<p>You got virtually unanimous advice. Please give it the deepest consideration. It comes lovingly.</p>

<p>SBmom</p>

12

<p>Thank you, Soozievt. </p>

<p>What I want Wolfpiper to see is that no one is condoning this diet; this isn’t just parents who can be written off as overcautious but also students and peers. I agree that unless Wolfpiper saw an issue with her diet ideas, she would not have posted (which is probably why some people, Wolfpiper, were calling you a ■■■■■–because the response to the thread was very predictable, so it appeared to be attention-seeking; from an outsider’s perspective, it’s difficult to believe that you did not know the responses you were going to get). </p>

<p>I’m not sure what you thought people were going to respond to your post. I hope that you will see that since every person who reads your posts says essentially the same thing–that your diet is unhealthy, your weight goals are unhealthy, and your body perception is unhealthy–there must be some degree of truth to it that is worth your consideration. It’s hard to believe that dozens of posters are completely off base, so I hope that you will at least take this as a sign that you should look more closely at your diet. If you feel confident with your diet plans and eating habits, which you at times seemed to be, then you should have no worries with running your plan by a doctor, a dietitian, and your friends. My guess is that you will ignore the concerns of your friends just as you have ignored the concerns of the posters on this board who have helped you in the past, and I don’t think you will go to a professional until you’ve realized that you need outside help because you know that they will respond similarly to many of the posters on this board. But maybe once all these worries from us and your friends stock up you’ll be able to see the possibility that you are in the wrong and that everyone who is trying to help you may have a point. </p>

<p>For a time last year, I was having a number of friends come to me with their concerns about my drinking habits. I wanted very much to ignore them, but I knew that my drinking and attitude toward drinking were unhealthy, I recognized danger signs of an impending problem, I could see that the way I drank and thought about drinking were different from my friends and their thoughts, and I could see my strong family history of alcoholism and knew about my college aged sister’s efforts to curb her drinking to a more reasonable level. I tend to do things without outside help. Posters on this board pushed me (rightly) to see a counselor, which I considered, but I was able to realize the path I was on and change my behavior to something more acceptable. Since you do not seem to be able to recognize your problems or potential problems, though, you will not be able to actually alter your actions and thinking to something more healthy without outside intervention. We are pushing you to speak with a doctor or other professional with the hopes that you will give more weight and thought to the words of a professional and will be able to recognize your unhealthy behavior and thoughts for what they are, which is the first step necessary in changing to a more healthy and positive outlook.</p>

<p>EDIT: Forgive my wordiness… I’m on percocet/oxycodone, and though my thinking is the same as ever, I’m not expressing it in writing very easily.</p>

13

<p>^^ACTUALLY, CORRANGED, you expressed that REALLY well and even included your own personal process. Wolfpiper, really look at what corranged has written to you as a peer. PLEASE. </p>

<p>My college daughter (age 18) has had a very close friend at home who has had eating issues who luckily got help but this really really concerned my daughter. She also has a lifelong friend from another state with whom she has spent the summer, who has eating issues and other unhealthy issues that are a very serious concern and I can’t tell you how much this hurts my D to observe it and to want very badly to help her friend. My other D has had a friend at her college on her varsity team who had to leave school over eating issues. Come to think of it, all of these friends have had to leave school at some point, though each of them are TOP studens with promising futures. Again, all the peers are so concerned and can see exactly what is going on. Please know that YOUR peers are also deeply concerned for your well being, not just fuddy duddy parents on CC. I feel that your posts have been a call for help. Please run your thoughts and plans by someone you trust, or a medical or counseling professional because you are confident about them and so what harm is it in discussing with someone who can give you some professional advice? </p>

<p>Your friends also are caring very much that you achieve a healthy and positive lifestyle. The parents here also care, even if you do not realize it.</p>

14

<p>I’m afraid that I don’t share in the unanimous chorus of self-congratulation that is occurring here.</p>

<p>The example of the Cornell kid is interesting: he came here, all right–we exhorted, we lectured–but we did not reach him. Instead of feeling justified about how right we were, we should feel defeated that we were unable to reach him.</p>

<p>In my view, people who propose to give therapist-style advice would do well to adhere to two of the fundamental requirements of successful therapy: empathy and unconditional positive regard for the client. </p>

<p>Listening instead of lecturing. </p>

<p>In many of the posts on wolfpiper’s threads, I don’t see those two basic requirements being met.</p>

15

<p>I think the expectation that people on a message board have the responsibility to give something beyond thoughtful advice is far fetched. This board is not for therapy. Someone asks for opinions, and people give opinions. I think many posters tried to be empathetic, which I seem to recall is a quality you value very much, but in the end a message board format, with a few posts by an OP giving limited information, is not conducive to extensive listening or therapy advice. This is compounded by the fact that people on this board don’t actually know each other, which automatically limits the ability for posters to truly and fully understand the OP (not to mention the fact that very few of us are actually therapists, and those who are would never give online counseling to individuals they have never met). The most posters should expect, in my opinion, are responses that try to be thoughtful, comprehensive, clear, correct, and advising.</p>

16

<p>While that is true, ADad (post #14), we are NOT therapists. Therefore, the “advice” we are giving out of positive and empathetic regard for this lovely young woman, is to SEEK such professional advice as we are not equipped to truly help her. We all see some “signs” that have us concerned for her well being and care enough about her to ask her to consider running her plans and thoughts by someone who can help her in real time who is trained to be therapeutic.</p>

<p>EDIT: cross posted with corranged! Same thoughts.</p>

17

<p>ADad, I don’t see any self-congratulation. At all.</p>

18

<p>Wolfpiper-
I admit Ihave a hard time keeping posts connected to screennames, so when I originally posted I forgot that you have mobility challenges and I don’t know the degree of CP you have. That would affect your weight and can make it a different prospect than someone who was more mobile.</p>

<p>However, it doesn’t make it any less important to contact medical professionals about nutrition, in fact it makes it even more important as each calorie needs to be strenghtening not depleting.</p>

<p>I wish you the best</p>

19

<p>wolfpiper - several years after D2 was born, I got down to 100 lbs., and I am 5’6". It was not healthy… at all. However, I had a medical reason for it - an undiagnosed thyroid issue, that eventually was taken care of with surgery, and I eventually put the weight back on, slowly and gradually. I look back at the pictures of me from then, and I truly look emaciated. The process of finding out what was wrong took some time as I went from 125lbs. to 100 lbs., and I remember distinctly going to my physician and saying, “If I hit 99 lbs., PLEASE do something to make this weight loss stop.”</p>

<p>Friends and family became very concerned also, and I’m sure some suspected I had an eating disorder, instead of asking me what was going on. I became very frustrated and angry with these suppositions, but I understood their concern, and in the end (several months after my surgery) was grateful they cared, even if their comments were often misdirected. Frankly, it was a vicious cycle - worrying about whatever was undiagnosed fed into a decreased appetite. It seemed I was never going to be healthy.</p>

<p>Now… thanks to the middle-age, peri-menopause stage, I weight much more than I’d like - I never weighed this much even when I was pregnant with pre-eclampsia. But given my options, I’d pick this weight over the 100 lbs. because it’s healthier. I’ve made strong steps toward getting back in shape over the last year, but had a setback when I was in an accident in June. </p>

<p>Weight will fluctuate throughout your life for various reasons. I know very few people who are the same size they were in college - some are heavier, some are lighter. We get set in our self-perception and it’s hard when we don’t fit it for whatever reason. I hope you find the strength and hope you need to clarify what it is you need to do to find a comfortable and healthy place.</p>

20

<p>

Not to get picky, but this therapeutic (Rogerian) style is only one of many therapeutic approaches. Cognitive-behavioral therapy, for example, may come across as more “challenging” or “directive”, but can be very effective. If a person truly has an eating disorder (and I am not saying that wolfpiper does or doesn’t), some of the treatment approaches, especially if the person needs inpatient treatment, can be extremely directive, affirmative, etc. They safety of the patient comes first.</p>