California-how you can tell

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Since NJ & Philly can do it, so can we :)</p>

<p>Californians </p>

<p>So as not to be outdone by all the redneck,
hillbilly, and Texan jokes, you know you’re from California if: </p>

<li><p>Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible. </p></li>
<li><p>You make over $100,000 and still can’t afford a house. </p></li>
<li><p>You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English. </p></li>
<li><p>Your child’s 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower. </p></li>
<li><p>You can’t remember . . is pot illegal? </p></li>
<li><p>You’ve been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor. </p></li>
<li><p>You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, </p>

<p>and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian. </p></li>
<li><p>You can’t remember . . . is pot illegal? </p></li>
<li><p>A really great parking space can totally move you to tears. </p></li>
<li><p>Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S. </p></li>
<li><p>Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball
cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney. </p></li>
<li><p>Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment. </p></li>
<li><p>You can’t remember . . . is pot illegal? </p></li>
<li><p>It’s barely sprinkling rain and there’s a report on every news station: “STORM WATCH.” </p></li>
<li><p>You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers. </p></li>
<li><p>It’s barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents. </p></li>
<li><p>HEY!!! Is pot illegal??? </p></li>
<li><p>Both you AND your dog have therapists. </p></li>
<li><p>The Terminator is your governor. </p></li>
<li><p>If you drive illegally, they take your driver’s license. </p>

<p>If you’re here illegally, they want to give you one.</p></li>
</ol>

2

<p>You ride the bus? Be serious.</p>

3

<ol>
<li><p>You can’t tell who looks younger, your son’s girlfriend or her mother.</p></li>
<li><p>Health food bars are more common than bars serving alcohol.</p></li>
<li><p>If they’re smoking, it MUST be pot (still not legal)</p></li>
<li><p>Your neighbors complain about “illegals” but have no problem hiring them to clean their houses, wash their cars, mow their lawns or watch their kids. </p></li>
<li><p>Everyone is “taking classes.”</p></li>
</ol>

4

<p>I think pot is illegal- but only if you are intending to sell- however you can’t smoke a cigarette at the beach</p>

<p>( we still take the bus in Seattle- and actually people speak English on it too- but what really shocked me the other day is when I took a taxi and the driver didn’t have an accent)</p>

5

<ol>
<li>Your dog gets a root canal.</li>
</ol>

6

<p>my cat had laser surgery -</p>

7

<p>31: Many men walk around in bike shorts, thinking they look goooood</p>

<p>32: You complain about the weather, for no real reason, just that we are wusses- omg its 45degrees</p>

<p>33: You love your boosts (if you have to ask you ain’t from here)</p>

<p>34: You would much rather get pulled over by the local police than the CHP (scary)</p>

<p>35: You enjoy 10 different salsas at the local taqueria</p>

<p>36: You can have ten different nationalities of restaurants on one SIDE of the block</p>

<p>37: You can ski and surf in one day</p>

<p>38: Your Walgreens dude (yeah we still use that word) is really a She</p>

<p>39: Your dog can go almost everywhere, and the clothes, OMGoodness, the doggy couture</p>

<p>and </p>

<p>40: You can wear pretty much anything you want</p>

<p>and </p>

<p>41: Your dog can have HIS dinner delivered</p>

8

<p>CGM, Re #37: When we lived in Orange County (80s) there was a triathlon that involved skiing (Baldy), running and surfing.</p>

<p>The only person I know who took his pet to a theraapist was from Manhattan. The cat just couldn’t adjust to the weekend trips to the Hamptons. They finally just left her at home.</p>

9

<p>42: you hire an animal communicator to find out why your dog won’t eat</p>

10

<p>I dunno, CGM, there are many places where I’d rather be pulled over by the CHP. It’s, ah, been a while. My municipal police are pretty good, actually, but that is not true in all cities around here. Some have a horrid reputation.</p>

11

<p>When moving from Orange County, where the cops pass you at 80MPH to a small town in NorCal where the speed limits are enforced as a maximum rather than the SoCal minimum general guideline, I did not like the local police ticket or the CHP ticket, though the Chippie was nicer to me :wink: Only wrote me for 65 in a 55 when I was going 85, the local got me for 35 in a 25 and was nasty about it. I learned my lesson and am an ambidextrous driver- big town fast & small town slow :p</p>

12

<ol>
<li><p>You can get accupuncture for your pets.</p></li>
<li><p>Your daughter has 14 different colors of flip flops but no umbrella.</p></li>
<li><p>You sometimes need to run the air conditioner in the car in February (I did on Wednesday!).</p></li>
</ol>

13

<p>Okay, me wrong on the chp, but:</p>

<p>46: your D wears Ugghs in Feb and its still too hot</p>

<p>47: You have six different kinds of green salad choices on the menue and 12 different kids of lettuce at the store</p>

14

<p>I took my cat to an ayurvedic vet who did acupuncture-</p>

<p>I am trying to figure out where the 8 piercings would go though.
I can only think of 5 and one includes the tongue.</p>

<ol>
<li>you pay more than $1 for your bottled water and you have filters on all your taps as well, including the shower.</li>
</ol>

15

<ol>
<li>You use alternative therapies to get rid of rats, the poor little things.</li>
</ol>

16

<p>I just heard one on Thursday…</p>

<ol>
<li> You’re cat has an eye infection and…you take her to an opthamalogist!</li>
</ol>

17

<ol>
<li><p>Every long-limbed, blonde-haired window shopper has a tiny dog peeking out from her designer purse.</p></li>
<li><p>You need to run the sprinklers in February.</p></li>
</ol>

18

<p>Abbrev what “somemom” says, speed sign 60 mph on the freeway means the minimum speed one should maintain.</p>

19

<ol>
<li>Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment. </li>
</ol>

<p>But only if you can afford to buy a house.</p>

20

<p>Add “build their second-story additions” to #24, A.S.A.P. :wink: </p>

<p>Calif_dad, that’s 60 mph while putting on makeup, reading the paper, talking on a cell, dorking with an iPod, trying to untangle earbuds, eating, surfing for the SigAlert station, changing clothes, and peeling fruit. :p</p>

<p>Add to the list:</p>

<p>You tell your mechanic to call you when the cost goes over a zillion bucks.</p>