Calling All Parents: Moral Question

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I posted this same question a while ago, but now it is getting time for me to apply to colleges and its time to really make a decision:</p>

<p>In my sophomore year, I did I research project in neuroscience for a local science fair and won first place, allowing me to go on to the Intel ISEF. But I have a confession to make, I lied on part of the project. One of my tests ended up giving me really strange results that weren’t anything like expected. At the time, I couldn’t really make sense of them, and I didn’t want the judges to think I had screwed up really bad (I assumed something unknown to me went wrong in the experiment), so I just didn’t include the results in the paper. However what I really regret now is that instead of just saying that I had poor or unreliable results that appeared to be flawed, or something like that, I lied and said I never even did those particular tests and made up an excuse as to why. From the perspective of more experience, I now realize that that was very bad because those results might not have been messed up, they might just have been indicative of a poor experimental method prone to error. I was already somewhat aware of the capacity for error, which I spoke of in my paper, but the tests I lied about and excluded could have been even more evidence that I wasn’t doing very sound science and could have even partially invalidated my results. In other words, I feel like I lied in my research and that might have led to my winning the award. I feel terribly guilty for this now…Am I a horrible person? What should I do? I am contemplating writing to ISEF, telling them exactly what happened, and letting them decide if I still deserve the award, but since the competition was so long ago, I don’t know how they will react.</p>

<p>Last time around, most parents who responded were fairly sympathetic (which I appreciate) and suggested that I just let the issue go and forget about it. I’m back for more opinions and I’ve got a few more questions. First off, if I write to ISEF, do you think there is anything WORSE they could do than take away the award? And what about my school, if they found out do they have a right to be mad or enact punishment? And an even bigger question- if the award was taken away, would this constitute something I would have to answer YES for on college apps (like Harvard’s) that ask about having ever incurred serious disciplinary action? I know this is a complex issue, but here’s my thought process: I can put the award down on my apps as is and risk feeling guilty about it forever. Or I can not put it down and pretend it never happened, but this seems a little cowardly to me, and who knows, colleges could find out about the award some other way like through newspapers or something, and then it’s the same problem as if I put it on the app in the first place- guilt and doubt about whether I would have gotten in if it hadn’t been for that lie. Or I could face up to what I did, tell ISEF, and deal with the consequences. All I really know is that I REALLY want to do the right thing, but I certainly don’t want to jeopardize years of hard work and my chances at my dream schools. This may seem like a strange topic, but ethics are very important to me so I very much appreciate ALL of your input, especially since this is such a long post! Thank YOU!</p>

2

<p>I think this is one of those things that you have to decide for yourself. Obviously, your conscience is really bothering you on this – and so I think the only way you are ever going to feel at peace with yourself is if you do what you feel is right, whatever the consequences. But you do have to realize that the consequences could range all the way from nothing being done to some sort of censure or disqualification that would, indeed, come out in the college admissions process. It won’t ruin your life – but it very well may mean the difference between your attending your dream college or a less prestigious (but more foregiving) college. </p>

<p>I think you already know the answer, though. It has to do with the kind of person you are and the kind you want to be. What’s more important - that you attend your “dream” school? or that you are comfortable with yourself, and take whatever steps are needed to preserve your sense of integrity?</p>

<p>It’s not about what you get in the end, it’s about who you are.</p>

3

<p>Ethics are very important to me, as I served on our school’s academic integrity committee, but I think science types need to answer you. Not being a scientist, I think that what you did was dismiss an impossible result, and move on from there - re-do your experiment. Certainly that is not so unusual in the scientific community? If you had accidentally dropped some sugar into your tube when you were sweetening your coffee, and threw it out and started over again, whould you be honor bound to report that? I don’t think so. But I sense your conscience is bothering you. You have to determine whether what you did was or was not ethical, and realize you have no control over the consequences if you do report this, and it is determined to be a problem.</p>

4

<p>I say just forget about it.</p>

5

<p>I’m not a parent, I’m 17, but I believe writing the letter could very well be one of the coolest things you have ever done. Clearly, you believe you should write the ISEF. </p>

<p>I believe that the conscience is pretty much always on the right side of any moral dilemma, most especially when it calls you to act against your own desires in a given moral predicament/question. Obviously your conscience is telling you to act. On the other hand, you are worried about the consequences of doing the right thing, as your post testifies.</p>

<p>If you are worried about the consequences of doing the right thing then you have already determined that the right or good thing to do is to write the letter to the ISEF, otherwise you would not be weighing the effects or consequences of doing the “right thing.”</p>

<p>I’d write the letter not because anyone else thinks you should, but because you obviously believe you should, you’re just afraid of the potential consequences of doing what you believe to be the right or good thing.</p>

<p>I really don’t know what you should do, however, you clearly do.</p>

<p>Best of luck.</p>

6

<p>It is very clear to me you have to tell someone, that this is a burden you should not carry. Is there a science teacher at your school you can talk to first? </p>

<p>In the real world of research, what you did is very serious. The fact that you learned this now is very important and will make you a better and honest scientist in the future. </p>

<p>Some how you need to clear your conscience by telling someone. You sound as if you feel like you are living a lie. Look, there are lots and lots of wonderful schools out there and if you don’t get into the one you think is your dream school, so be it. By the way, you probably realize that once you resolve this and clear the air you have the makings of a thoughtful college application essay. In my opinion, there will be some admission people out there who will greatly respect you for anguishing over this.</p>

7

<p>deliciousgeek,</p>

<p>I admire your integrity for wanting to set this right.</p>

<p>I am sure that this does NOT count as a serious infraction (such as suspension, arrest, vandalism, etc) for the purposes of the disciplinary action question on apps.</p>

<p>If you decide to write the letter, I suggest you explain the way your thinking about the scientific process has evolved. That initially, you tossed the inconvenient results due to an assumption that they represented a random error, but now you realize that your very method might have been flawed, and the error might underlie the rest of the experiment and invalidate some of your conclusions. If you still have the results of that section, send those in too. Then apologize for presenting an incomplete view of your experiment, noting that you want to be intellectually honest and that you now hold yourself to a higher standard than you did 2 years ago.</p>

<p>IMHO setting the record straight could be very freeing; this has been bugging you for a long time.</p>

<p>Again, you are a person of integrity. This will serve you well for the rest of your life. Sometimes it will put you in a corner where you have to do hard things. Luckily, you sound like you can handle that. :)</p>

8

<p>I think you should write them as well. But, bear in mind, as you stated, it may have consequences attached to it in the likes of applying to Harvard and other Ivies. If you were concerned about them knowing about it, you shouldn’t have kept that lab data away in the first place. Plus, the reason you may have won was because your lab results were so good. So you may have cheated someone else out of winning first place. I believe that warrants a letter.</p>

9

<p>Thank you all very very much for your informed, thorough, and understanding responses. As you have caught on to, I really do feel like writing the letter would be the best thing; I’m unsure how else I could really get over it. Unfortunately, there are 2 major things besides the possibility of consequences (which, I agree, could not really be worse than living a life with guilt) that are keeping me from doing so. First of all, this was a team project, and my partner does not see the situation the same way I do. We both worked together and it was both of our decisions to misrepresent the data, so both of us are to blame. I’ve tried talking with him about it, but he doesn’t think what we did was really worth risking writing a letter about it. He seems to be quite worried about the consequences, and he has just as much to lose as I do if it affects college admissions. Thus, I am in a really tough spot if I want to write the letter as he is one of my best friends and I would hate to push him to do something he really doesn’t want to do, but in reality years down the road I may no longer know him but will still have to live with the decision I make here. Another option would be writing the letter only on my own behalf, but that might only make him look worse. The other obstacle is my parents, who also feel that writing a letter would be way to crazy of an action for such a “small” incident. I know that this is a question about what I think is right or wrong, but since my actions will affect others, I must take them into account also. Do you all think that a college like Harvard or Yale would be understanding about something like this, especially since we chose voluntarily to come forward with this information and if we show that we have truly grown from it?</p>

10

<p>You are probably, unfortunately, not the only person who did this. With so much at stake, I would be surpised if it wasn’t done by others.</p>

<p>If you decide not to confess, which I undertand, you will feel better if you do not put award on application. The likelyhood with thousand of applications that somone will remember, oh yeah, DG was an Intel winner and why didn['t he put it down, and then the likely hood that they will assume something bad, well, that likelyhood is nil.</p>

<p>SBMom made very good points and her approach is well thought out and I would handle it that way, but if you DO change your mind, do NOT use it on your application if you do not send in a letter. If you do send in a letter, then go ahead and use it.</p>

11

<p>Deliciousgeek, this is how you become a better adult. Live with the consequences of your actions and learn from your mistake. Don’t take your friend to the cleaners just because you feel the need to purge your guilt. It’s a tough situation, but because someone else is involved who does not agree with your urge to purge, it becomes more complicated. It is not as simple as coming clean just for your sake. </p>

<p>The best way to correct this action is to NEVER DO IT AGAIN. We all make mistakes, Kiddo. I just think you’d be making a bigger mess than already exists if you decide to expose your partner and your own lack of good judgment in regard to the results of your experiment. This experience already has closure, maybe not perfect closure, but adequate for the majority of people involved. You just need to clear your conscience. </p>

<p>Perhaps, it will take more strength on your part to learn the bigger lesson, rather than grovel over the mistake. As much as I love to see someone other than myself grovel (not really :)), I think you could really gain something from this experience. Perhaps, you will develop a keener bullsh** detector when it comes to scrutinizing scientific results. Believe me, if your work is out there long enough, someone else will attempt to disprove your results. It’s the nature of scientific advancement, and good science will hold up. Flawed science won’t. </p>

<p>So, stop worrying about it. Be patient and try to assuage your own guilt by doing better research from now on. Chalk it up to a life lesson. I think you really are being too hard on yourself. :::slugghugg:::</p>

12

<p>DG,
Let me get this straight:
Unexpected results from one of many(?) tests
Decided to ignore results instead of trying to understand what happened and because you thought you messed up somewhere in the process.
The crux of the matter: Lied about it in the report.
Adult scientists screw up their lab work, too. Sometimes there is time for a do over sometimes not. My thoughts are these. Understand that you made a mistake by lying about the tests you performed and pledge not to do it in the future and then forgive yourself.
I think you have decided never to be less than forthright but you haven’t forgiven yourself, yet.<br>
None of us are perfect and in the book The Secret Life of Bees, the wise woman says “Regrets don’t help anything” and she is right. Change your ways and move on. Give yourself a hug, your a sweet kid.
OMW2</p>

13

<p>Thanks again everyone for the continued responses as I attempt to navigate through this very difficult decision. As you have stated, since someone else is involved this makes the decision very difficult. Believe me when I say I have been trying for a long time to get over this and forgive myself, but it keeps seeming to come back. I think my partner may also feel guilty, so I will continue to talk this over with him because I still think that if we were both behind it, writing a letter would be the best way to finally deal with it, as many of the first responses to this post suggest. However, the next option as citygirlsmom wrote, would be to not send a letter but also NOT put it on college apps. I could probably be ok with myself not sending a letter if I also didn’t put it on apps and therefore didn’t benefit from the award further, but I really don’t think I could justify putting it on apps knowing that it could be undeserved. Unfortunately, there is a problem with this too. My partner and I may be applying to many of the same schools, and he may put it on his apps. Thus I am afraid that they could find out that we worked together and wonder why I didn’t put it down on my app.</p>

14

<p>They aren’t going to notice, unless he names you and someone is reallllly bored…</p>

<p>What you DON"T put down is not important…as long as what you DO put down is honest</p>

15

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<p>I would suggest getting some face-to-face counseling from someone you feel comfortable talking to about how much this is troubling you–if this is bothering you this much, you may want to talk to a trusted school counselor or a minister/priest/rabbi/clergyperson or another trusted adult in your life who can help you find appropriate counseling.</p>

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<p>Ideally, it would be good if you could find a counselor/advisor whom your friend will also trust. If your friend is feeling guilty, it’s not healthy for him to be stewing in his guilt either.</p>

<p>The wisdom and perspective of a trusted adult whom you both respect and who knows you both could be very helpful to you.</p>

<p>I hope you and your friend can find a resolution that leaves you both feeling that you did your honest best to set things right.</p>

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<p>learn from your mistake and move on.</p>

17

<p>citygirlsmom- do you really think there is basically no chance that they would notice if he put the award on his app and I did not? It is a fairly recognizable award and the results are published online and in several newspapers, so they would only need to do a simple online search and our names would come up together. If that were to happen, then they might ask why I didn’t put the award on my app, and I think that would be a much worse time to tell them than right up front. Also, I’m a little worried that if they saw I got the award it could factor into their decision even though I didn’t put it down, which would lead me back to the original problem. I know this is unlikely, but I still think possible. I hope you are right though, since that would be my next best option after the letter.</p>

<p>Thanks again to everyone and keep the input coming- its very helpful!</p>

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<p>who was your adult supervisor on this project? Would it be possible to talk to them? They could give you an informed opinion on whether or not your ommission was sufficiently grave to warrent any action. If you were to write a letter to ISEF, it is going to be received by someone who will not necessarily know how to interpret what you are talking about.</p>

<p>I doubt if anyone would notice if you don’t put ISEF on your app, even if your partner puts ISEF on his app for the same college. I don’t think ad coms would bother to look that sort of thing up unless they thought an applicant had listed an award they did NOT win. A school like, say, MIT, is going to have apps from 100 people who did ISEF, another 100 who made USAMO, 100 Siemen’s-Westinghouse semifinalists, 80 who did RSI, etc., etc. There’s no way they know all the names on those lists and could tell if a particular applicant omitted one of those things on their app. I know a student who won a medal at one of the int’l olympiads. He asked an MIT ad com if everyone reading apps would know the meaning of that. He was told that yes, they certainly would, although they probably would not already know his name. There are a lot fewer people who do olympiads than there are people who do ISEF.</p>

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<p>Re your post #9 – I do not think any student can count on Harvard or Yale to be “understanding” about anything. They are deluged with highly qualified applicants, and the slightest perceived “flaw” gives the ad coms the justification they need to say no. In the end, in that environment, they are looking for reasons to reject apps, not for reasons to admit. It’s not you, its just the process. </p>

<p>That doesn’t mean that it will necessarily be a strike against you … its just that whatever you do, you need to do it with the realization that it may have consequences every bit as bad as you fear.</p>

<p>If I were writing a movie script about your dilemma, I’d have you write that letter. It’s the morally right thing to do, at least in terms of how ethics is defined by Hollywood scriptwriters. But you wouldn’t get into Harvard… as a plot device, it doesn’t mean anything unless there is some sacrifice involved. </p>

<p>The situation with your partner complicates things. (In the movie, he would be portrayed as a handsome but loutish, self-indulgent jerk and therefore the audience would be happy to see him fall… but real life isn’t like that). In real life it is your letter that could be perceived as self-indulgent – is it really fair to dash someone else’s dreams just so you will feel better?</p>

<p>But I don’t agree with the posters who are saying that you resolve the problem by never making the same mistake again and that you should get over it. The first sentiment is a rationalization … and for some people it becomes a life long habit. (They keep on lying or stealing or cheating or drinking too much or whatever their personal vice happens to be, and every single time they are very, very, very sorry and vow that they will never do it again… until the next time it happens). I don’t mean to say that what you have done equates with anything like that, just that the “never do it again” response doesn’t address the ethical issue. </p>

<p>Of course you shouldn’t do it again … but what is bothering you is that you feel that (a) in your own view, you cheated, and (b) you feel that you are still reaping the benefits of the cheating, by virtue of the award you won. Whether or not you tell people about the award is beside the point – its like having a piece of stolen artwork in your home that you can’t enjoy, and you can’t get rid of. </p>

<p>None of us is perfect, and we all make little moral compromises at some time or another in our life. So the issue isn’t really about being ethically, morally pure – if we think we can achieve that, we are kidding ourselves. But it is about deciding what kind of person we are, and sticking to that. I have a friend who is the type of person who will go back into a store to return a quarter if he realizes he was given too much change; at restaurants, he points out to the waiter whenever they have forgotten to add something to the bill. I’m not like that - I keep the change and just leave a bigger tip at the restaurant. But I have a lot of respect for my friend. </p>

<p>I personally think that part of your problem is hanging onto the Harvard (Ivy) dream. You are debating what to put on your application because you know very well that people who win at Intel always list it on their apps – and whether you list it or not, it’s going to get mentioned either by your gc or someone who writes a letter of recommendation – and of course the gc and teachers at your school are people who do know and remember your partner, so you can’t very well ask them to please, don’t mention the Intel thing without them making the connection. So maybe part of the solution is to refrain from applying to the same schools as your partner, and focus instead on the schools where you are confident of getting accepted without the benefit of the award. Then you don’t run into the problem of potentially hurting your partner, and even if you wait until next year to write the letter - or never get around to writing it – you won’t always wonder whether your admission to your college was premised on the award you now feel you didn’t deserve.</p>

<p>Again, it still remains your decision. I think SBMom’s suggestion is good in terms of how to write the letter in a face-saving way that doesn’t necesssarily paint your friend as a cheater or co-conspirator. </p>

<p>Just make a decision you will be able to live with. It’s difficult, but among other things you may have to decide whether you value your sense of personal integrity over the value of loyalty to a friend. Loyalty and friendship are important too – that’s what makes ethical dilemmas like this so tough.</p>

20

<p>Wow, calmom, I can’t express my gratitude at the depth of your post- you hit many of my feelings and dilemmas right on the nose and gave some very solid advice. I very much agree with you in that I don’t think simply telling myself I won’t ever do that again (although I hope NEVER to do anything like it again) will be enough to help me get over it. It’s been long enough and I’m not over it yet- time to deal with it one way or another. I also think your suggestion of letting go of dreams of an Ivy league college have much merit, but in all honesty I’m not sure I could bring myself to do that either. I’ve worked tremendously hard all through high school and this has been a long time dream- I would really hate to see one mistake (and one I’ve tried to correct to the greatest extent possible) ruin it all. Also, I think that my other academic achievements are still strong and I would at least have a shot at getting in even if the ISEF award were omitted (it’s the repercussions of being seen as a liar and cheater that I’m worried about, not the lack of the award itself). It seems like the responses on this thread have been just about as varied as my own thoughts- I suppose its a sign I’ve gotten myself into a real ethical pickle. There’s still a lot of thinking to be done about this, but at the moment I am still hopeful that I can work out writing the letter with my partner and (although it may be very wishful thinking) that ISEF, Harvard, and other colleges will at least consider giving me a second chance.</p>