<p>Kind of a random post but I was thinking today about what a worrywart I have become since having children. Before having children I was such a calm, laid back, hard to upset person. I always remember one of my staff commenting about how the worse the pressure got at work with deadlines and such the calmer I would get (of course then I would end up with bronchitis so I guess I was internalizing stress a bit).</p>
<p>Then I had kids. I worry about everything - even things I know I should just let go. For instance my daughter wanted to move off campus into an apartment. I preferred her to stay on campus but let her make the choice. The day she found out they had actually got an apartment I had the weirdest dreams - her Dad and i went to check the apartment and it was really filthy and we asked if it was going to be cleaned before she moved in and they said no. And there were no appliances (no fridge, no stove) at all because the previous tennant had stolen them all. the landlord said it was our problem. And the bathroom did not have a tub just a shower and the shower bed thing (can’t think what it is called - shower tray maybe?) was shattered and there was an old broken toilet in the shower tray (in addition to the installed toilet). All very weird. So naturally I woke up worrying about her apartment. I think I have worried about it for a month till friday when I went with her room mate and Mom (my daughter is 1000 miles away) to pay the first months rent and get electric etc set up. The apartment was very nice. Clean. New carpets. It did have a stove, fridge, bath tub and, amazingly, there was no broken toilet in the tub. I know i worry too much about them and wonder when, if ever, I will stop.</p>
<p>So am I a normal parent - or maybe just a little bit crazy?</p>
<p>I’m the same way. If I don’t have something specific to be worried about, I manufacture something, and some are amazing. Here’s an example: My 9 year old does martial arts and I can’t come on grappling day because he wears a mouth piece to protect his teeth. I’ve dreamed repeatedly that he chokes to death on that mouth piece. You may have read about my fixation on serial killers when my daughter goes on her upcoming trip to Florida. I have not had a minute’s peace since becoming a parent because I have no control over the safety of the most important people in my life. So I think you’re perfectly normal!</p>
<p>Of course! The dreams started during pregnancy: some terrible neglect or dereliction of maternal duty,</p>
<p>Then, the day we brought the baby home. Those steps up to the back door were the same as they had always been, but now I saw how terribly sharp and hard the edges of the concrete were, and what if a baby were dropped?</p>
<p>I think this is an adaptation to keep the species alive (and mothers in gray hair).</p>
<p>Oh I am so glad to have seen this thread…I worry all the time, probably about my D more than my sons…or maybe in different ways. I was so worried when her heart got broken. I was so worried when she didn’t have a relationship for 2 years after, now I am so worried because she seems to be in a relationship. It is crazy! </p>
<p>I have found though, like the apt. that I worry, but usually things work out, because fro the most part I feel I have raised sensible kids. But I think at this age of independence it is so hard to let go and trust that they can get through life. </p>
<p>I am a fixer and I can no longer fix, it is their job…but I at least let them know I am here to talk to and consult.</p>
<p>I was waiting to read that when you visited the new apartment, the broken toilet was in the shower stall. I was hoping this was a thread about a ‘paranormal’ Mom, one who dreamt the future. </p>
<p>No - if I was a paranormal (as opposed to a paranoid) Mom I would have not worried about her having a car accident on the 1000 mile drive to her summer job or falling off a roof or getting injured by powertools (none of which happened) - instead I would have worried about her getting exposed to (possible) rabies and having to have a series of 7 rabies shots (which did happen).</p>
<p>I realized that there was no psychic link between my worries and reality the summer S first went off to sleep away camp. I was certain that the lead weight in my gut was an indication that he was very unhappy (if he were sick or hurt, the camp would have called, right?). The kid had the time of his life.</p>
<p>My turn… I am probably the biggest worrywart of them all!!! Tonight my D and a good friend of hers from school are going from NYC to Chicago by Greyhound. 17 1/2 hours. So, I am definitely climbing the walls-- especially after last week’s… DECAPITATION ON A GREYHOUND!!! in Canada. OMG!!! She is a bit scared too. But I am so not showing her my fear. I told her it was going to be a wonderful road trip adventure. But, also, I told her that she has to text message me all the time or else I am never going to let her go anywhere ever again-- not even back to school… Kidding… sorta… Then, she has to come back on the Greyhound next Friday. Another 17 1/2 hours. I can’t stand it…</p>
<p>Haven’t “studies” shown that once something happens (the grisly event on the Greyhound) it won’t happen again? Besides, your d has a companion with her. They’ll be fine.</p>
<p>Worry? What me worry? I’ve gotten a PHD in worry this summer. </p>
<p>My DS is riding his bike across the country as we “speak”. Sixty-five days and 4000 miles of me visualizing him being squished by a semi. They took a day off in Chicago and he called to tell us he was going SKY-DIVING!!. His dad informed him this was the sort of thing he should tell his mother AFTER he did it, not before.</p>
<p>Many of his group (30 riders) blog most days they can find internet, so I’m pretty sure he’s still alive as of two days ago. But I’m not worried (right).</p>
<p>Thanks… I know they’ll be fine. I truly do. Really. Yup. And, I really hope those “studies” are true! Besides, it was in western Canada, right. And they got the guy… Actually, truth be told, I think it’s a great opportunity. If ya can’t do it now, then when. 'course, they are two lovely young (19…) girls…
I’ll post when they arrive tomorrow afternoon. ;)</p>
<p>I am living the “sandwich generation” version of worrying! Not only do I worry about my teenage Ds constantly, but this summer my 81 year old father (who wisely gave up his car) is traveling around the US and Canada by Greyhound, visiting friends. I had to read the decapitation article twice to make sure it didn’t happen anywhere near his route.</p>
<p>He has a cell phone but is not always so good about checking in - he doesn’t understand why I think it such a big deal. It’s like having an extra teen :eek:</p>
<p>I became a much more nervous person after I had kids, and it’s gotten worse the older they get. I think it’s because I had the illusion of being in control when they were little. Now that they can drive, that illusion is pretty well shattered. They want and need more freedom to make their own decisions; with that freedom comes the opportunity to make serious mistakes. It’s a constant battle between wanting to put them in a box full of cotton batting to be sure that nothing bad ever happens to them, and knowing that sometimes the “bad” thing turns out to be the best life lesson or growth experience. </p>
<p>It’s worse with my D. Her brother is 3 years older than her, and he’s the kind whose willing to sit back and watch other people try things, and learn from their success or failure. D has to do it herself before she learns. It’s like a toddler - if I told little S that the stove was hot, he’d believe me. D has to reach out her little finger and tap it first to see if I’m right.</p>
<p>One of my favorite analogies about all this was in a CC thread about BayAreaDad’s daughter, who was in serious trouble at her school. When discussing how much would be appropriate for him to step in, a very wise CC’r (take credit if it’s you!) said, “It’s one thing to let your child learn a lesson by falling and break their arm. It’s another to let them fall and break their neck.” I now evaluate whether to step into a situation by how serious the consequences are if my child messes up - is it a broken arm, or a broken neck?</p>
<p>Skiersmom and Franglish - i know the fear of the cross-country trip. Last summer S & friends took a road trip 700 miles to Cedar Point, OH, to spend a few days riding roller coasters. They were all 18 and only 2 weeks out of high school. They got there and back fine and had a great time. But there was one story I heard after the fact. S was driving through the mountains of western PA, in a construction zone, surrounded by trucks, in a series of thunderstorms that featured HAIL. He wanted to pull over but couldn’t even get into the right lane with the trucks zooming by him on the down-hills. When they were finally able to pull over he called me but I wasn’t home, so I didn’t hear the story until later that night, after they had reached the safety of Hershey, PA. But he was FINE and will have fond memories of that trip for many years.</p>
<p>Lafalum-- I guess it was a good thing you missed that phone call, huh??! Kids and cars would make me much more of a worrywart. Maybe you win the prize for living through a 700 mile trip! I was just thinking that I am really glad these girls are going by Greyhound instead of one of them doing the driving. BTW, my D said she was going to text me a poem-- one line at at time. I will read it in the morning when I wake up. Assuming I have slept. Oh, I guess I will.</p>
<p>I give the award to Skiersmom - a 600 mile bike trip! Yikes! I’m sure it will be a great experience for him. I just wonder if poor mom will get ANY sleep while he’s gone…</p>
<p>Yikes. How did I miss that one?! Skiersmom must be a much better mom than I am. Definitely that would make my heart pound. I don’t know how I would handle that one. Oh. Wait. My D doesn’t know how to ride a bike. Oh yeah. She doesn’t know how to drive either. New York City kid…</p>
<p>OK, you guys. Let me tell you that I worry A LOT. But I have still let my kids do things because once in college, I don’t feel I should hold 'em back. </p>
<p>So, I hear ya franglish on your D, age 19, on a bus ride that is long with a friend. My D, who went to your D’s college, after freshman year, still age 18, drove 6000 miles from Vermont to Alaska with two girls her age. Yep. They mapped it out in advance…I think it was for ten days or so to get there…maybe 12, I forget. They lined up hotels or campgrounds for each night, which I knew of in advance. She called me upon arrival each night at each destination. However, the last few days of the trip to Anchorage involved the Alaska Canadian Highway which does not have cell service and is pretty remote for a lot of it. So, I had to wait for the call and there was no way to call her if she didn’t call me when she got to a pay phone when stopping for the night. That was quite nervewracking but I did it. </p>
<p>She then traveled alone a few times to Europe to work two summers on her own where she knew nobody. She traveled on her breaks alone to other countries including hotels alone and camping alone. She called here at every juncture of her route. My younger one flew to Europe on her own this past year soon after turning 19 too. That D was stranded twice in cities overnight due to flight cancellations…in Dallas and in FL where she had to stay in hotels alone…about age 17 or 18. Last year she went to Brazil with a group from college and literally the night before departure to Rio Di Janero, the entire trip got very rerouted due to violence in Rio. I’ve had my share of moments.</p>
<p>I think I have been very brave, considering I am a worrier.</p>
:eek:</p>