<p>I just keep telling my kids that I hope ONE of them will get married before I have to rent the room at the assisted living for the reception:)</p>
<p>It seems that most disagreements are all about the money. I agree with others…this I’d about the bride and groom. Some of our friends gave their sons or daughters a fixed amount towards the wedding event. If the costs were more, the wedding couple had to figure out a way to make it all work. </p>
<p>This is such a joyous time…any angst should result in a smile and nod moment!</p>
<p>It sounds reasonable until you start thinking about the fact that a wedding could cost $500 per head or $20 per head. If one family demands a very expensive event for their guests, but the other family can’t afford it, there will be problems.</p>
<p>Boysx3, I am amazed you had 35 guests come to the wedding in Boston. If son gets married in brides’s hometown, at the most I’d have 10 family there, and I’d pay air and hotel for 5of them. I doubt my friends or son’s friends would fly across country.</p>
<p>Having just been through this (D married in late June)… ignore the wedding (as much as possible) and focus on the marriage. Work on building a relationship with your co-in-laws and your new child-in-law. </p>
<p>My wedding advice:
Guest list: pare it down to the people you can’t imagine having the wedding without. Smaller is cheaper, more fun, and more intimate, and means you get a chance to talk to the people there. It should be the community who really support the marriage, not a lot of people who just want to have a good time and drink a lot.</p>
<p>What to wear: something that will make you look good in the pictures, in colors that don’t clash.</p>
<p>How much money to spend: no more than you can afford to spend with a smile on your face.</p>
<p>you are right, we were very lucky our family and friends could make it to our simcha. But 35 comes up so quickly…Close family and close friends only…just those we could not imagine missing our son getting married. And they came because they could not imagine missing him getting married!</p>
<p>We made a point of not inviting anyone to the wedding that we did not think would actually go to Boston, because we did not want to feel as if we were inviting people just because they would send a gift.</p>
<p>something I have recently been thinking about…</p>
<p>When H and I realized that a rehearsal dinner wasn’t going to be a viable option, we just gave a check to my DIL and son to use toward the wedding. We chose the amount unilaterally…I have absolutely no idea how much the wedding cost. I know it was expensive…kosher events always are! But my DIL’s parents never discussed anything with us other than our guest list–very small compared to theirs!-- and asked us if we had any favorite appetizers that we would like to have. With the tisch for my son and the bedeken for my DIL I am sure that the amount spent was more than I want to think about.</p>