Can anyone grade me essay out ou 6? pls

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hello guys, I am taking the SAT this Saturaday, and I am a little woried about the essay.
Can you grade this one please? </p>

<p>Assignement: Does questioning autority make a society stronger?</p>

<p>Nowadays questioning autorithy has became familiar and more free than the past. Questioning autorithy most of the time make a society stronger. Silvio Berlusconi, italian ex-prime minister, and Deng Xiaoping the ex-chairman of the Central Military in China, show us how questioning autorithy can develop the society and make it stronger.</p>

<p>Silvio Berlusconi, has became prime minister for the first time in 1994, in his first year he was criticized and he was in trouble with the italian society due to his lack of experience, he didn’t know how to develop the country. But after they invited him to a TV program, and the animator told him the main problems the country suffers from, and what are things that the country really needs. He doubled his efforts and worked hard to get Italy out of the crisis. And now he is known as one of the most successful prime ministers of Europe.</p>

<p>Deng Xiaoping is the man who made from China one of the strongest economic powers in the world. Deng is not from a rich family neither from a family that has the autority in the country. This man was a simple citizen, he get throw the chinese army, and because of his seriousness and hard work, he became chairman of the Central Military Commission and then Chairman of the CPPCC National Committee. The first think he did after preocupating this post is listening to chinese needs, and he did his best to realise them. He made from China a strong agricultural and economic power that compete the United States nowadays.</p>

<p>Berlusconi helped Italy to get out from the crisis, Deng Xiaoping made of China the most powerful country in agriculture and industrials after the United States. And all these achivement are made by questioning authority. So, questioning authority always make a society stronger.</p>

2

<p>This is either a three or a four. (I’d call it a three, but there are readers more lenient than I.)</p>

<p>You haven’t told me how either person made his society stronger.</p>

<p>Really, you haven’t told me how either person questioned authority.</p>

<p>Here’s what you have done:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>In your introduction, you’ve mentioned these two guys and said that their questioning of authority made their societies stronger.</p></li>
<li><p>Each body paragraph is a brief biography, a summary of a person’s life. The body paragraphs read as though you’ve come into the room with these “examples” memorized and, damn it, you’re gonna make them fit no matter what.</p></li>
<li><p>In the conclusion, you’ve again mentioned these two guys and repeated stuff you’ve already said about them.</p></li>
</ol>

3

<p>Be more decisive. This is not the place for the nuance of “autorithy most of the time make a society stronger”. Pick one side or the other, be very clear about it in your thesis statement and provide very strong support. For example what exactly did Berlusconi question and how did that questioning make Italy a stronger society?</p>

<p>Now to contradict myself. I suggested being very decisive in your thesis before I read your last sentence. Using the word always is extremely decisive, but in this case is also clearly untrue and not supported by your examples. Two examples do not support the universal. The conclusion would have been decisive enough without the “always”.</p>

<p>Also be careful of the run-ons and general sentence structure and save a minute for proofreading.</p>