<p>We have a boy on our private, non profit swim club whose parents have severe control and anger issues. They are mentally abusive to their son in public about his swimming and probably physically abusive at home. The coach and key board members have warned them numerous times about their behavior. They are not allowed to attend practice but still manage to cause scenes during pick up and at meets.</p>
<p>Has anyone successfully turned around a similar situation? The coach and the board would like to work with the parents as much as possible for the child’s sake.</p>
<p>But, in GA, and other states, volunteers are suppose to report suspicions of abuse to the department of family and children services. If you really believe that there is physical abuse, pick up the phone and tell someone. This is from a child advocacy website.</p>
<p>"A report of child abuse should be made when a person has reasonable cause to believe that a child under the age of 18 has been abused by a parent or caretaker. Reasonable cause means a suspicion founded upon circumstances sufficiently strong to warrant a reasonable person to believe that something is true.</p>
<p>A report of suspected child abuse is a request for an investigation. It is not an accusation and a reporter does not have to be absolutely certain of their suspicion. The Department of Family and Children Services has the responsibility for evaluating the report and determining whether an investigation is warranted. The department is also responsible for conducting the investigation and taking appropriate action to protect the child."</p>
<p>We (ice hockey in this case) have on occasion denied some parents from entering the rink for practices and games. Usually that works.</p>
<p>One time we had to ban the family, including the child, because even their emails and phone calls were so disruptive and toxic that we feared it would destroy the team. We agonized over that, because of course you don’t want to punish a child for their parent’s behavior. </p>
<p>On a more positive note, I have seen some parents change, for the better. You need a strong manager and coach; it is really their job. I think that they should negotiate a “contract” with the parents, including possibly requiring successful completion of an anger management/impulse control course as a condition for their child continuing on the team.</p>
<p>Ps: agree completely with lastminutemom. I overlooked the physical abuse part of the OP, since that was never part of our team’s situation. Report it; the parents will perhaps consider that they are seen as dangerous by the community, and maybe have an epiphany.</p>
<p>The physical abuse is just a strong hunch on my part based on the level of anger I have witnessed. The child wears a swim suit every day. No one has seen any injuries or bruises.</p>
<p>I’m not a doctor or pro child abuse advocate, but if a child wears a swimsuit every day, and no bruises or injuries have been seen, would a reasonable person conclude that there might be physical abuse going on?</p>
<p>I would have the coach contact USA swimming for guidance. This would not be the first incident they have advised coaches on how to correct parent behaviors. </p>
<p>I have seen the best & worst parentsl behavior at swim meets. (I’m an official). I’ve told my son to call me out if I ever get bad. The good/bad part of swimming is that its an individual sport of you against the clock. Parents need to lighten up and realize there are only 52 spots on the Olympic swim team every four years. Too bad for you if you swim individual medley behind Phelps & Lochte.</p>
<p>Many abusive parents make sure to leave bruises where no one can find them. Even in a swim suit, there are plenty of places to be physically abused. </p>
<p>If you suspect abuse, report it. You and the coach and whatnot are not going to change a thing about the parents.</p>
<p>Can the parents be barred from meets too? Just wondering. I believe it is quite possible to be horribly verbally abusive without it getting physical. Hope something can be done. The emotional abuse takes its toll.</p>
<p>Most horrible sports parents we ever knew were part of a travel team. They changed when they were BOTH (Mom and Dad!) taken away in handcuffs by the police for threatening a referee at a local tournament. People still talk about it. Their kid is, needless to say, still a nervous wreck years later. So sad.</p>
<p>There are certain ice rinks where there is always a police presence during games. Fwiw, usually the abuse is directed at other parents or officials, but I have seen kids who would rather be at the dentist than at a game because of what their parents are yelling. </p>
<p>On the topic of physical reporting, I’ve had initial conversations with school officials who were concerned about my daughter’s bruises. I convinced them that the bruises were consistent with a hockey goalie’s equipment (ie where there are gaps) and anything else questionable was probably from Krav Maga. At first I was a bit put off by the questioning, but they have an obligation to keep my daughter safe, and it’s a bigger obligation than to avoid making me uncomfortable. If you are in doubt, report. Think of how you feel when you read in the newspaper of abuse that went undetected for years, until it was too late. For the record, btw, being a goalie and doing Krav were her idea :-)</p>
<p>We have one of these families in town. Mostly it’s the dad. Really strong coaches have been able to rein him in after years of complaints from other parents.</p>
<p>His kid is a mess because of the immense pressure they place on him.</p>
<p>(I am so happy to get away from my wedding thread for a moment.) I am a certified umpire for girls softball. I work through the schools during the school year and travel leagues in the summer. In the summer, the travel leagues I work are U10 and U12, so just figure out how young these girls are. The girls are generally delightful, not so much the coaches and parents. Over the weekend, for a U12 game, I had a parent down the right field foul line calling balls and strikes. :rolleyes: I have been taught not to have “rabbit ears” and not to respond to this nonsense, but when it comes to the coaches I am getting to the point with some of them that I might just walk quietly over to them and say, “Coach, I assume you have a daughter on this team and you are embarrassing her.”</p>
<p>In the U10 league, I’ve had coaches arguing with me about rules, and trust me, they’ve never read or picked up a rule book. I coached a high school varsity for a dozen years, so I know that only the umpire can really call balls and strikes and that the coaches chatter is designed to “influence” me. After the game, the girls forget who has won or lost within 20 seconds and they play “running bases.” The coaches and parents grouse.</p>
<p>Last year, as I walked off the field towards my car after a U10 game, a number of parents commented as I walked past, “good game, blue.” As I got to the outfield fence, an older man called out, “Hey blue,” so I turned and took a step towards him. He continued and snarled, “Those were some of the worst calls I’ve ever seen!” He was sitting down the left field foul line near the fence…The coaches hadn’t complained about anything. It was all I could do to keep on walking and not respond by saying something like, “I’m sorry that your granddaughter’s team lost.” He looked like an older father, so that really would have p*ssed him off, LOL</p>
<p>How old is the kid? My boys played in an uber-competitive baseball league. I mean, even the rec league was competitive. I found that parents got better the older the kids got because 1) the later bloomers caught up to their early all-star, and 2) they begin to realize their kid really isn’t all that and likely won’t make the Majors (though we have had one kid become a star in the Majors and have had a lot of college ball players).</p>
<p>Softball is unbelievably competitive in this neck of the woods, but umps are no longer taking the abuse. One high school girl umping younger girls (I think it was U10)called the cops and had them remove two parents as their behavior was escalating into a full on brawl.</p>
<p>deega123 - H was a volunteer coach for many, many years. He was a mandatory reporter, just as a doctor or teacher would be. If anyone suspects abuse, it should be reported. Then the professionals (Child Protective Services, I believe) can determine whether or not it is true. I completely agree with you - whenever I see verbally abusive parents, I wonder what the child’s home life is like. Sad, sad, sad.</p>