can i do this?

<p>social/roommate conflict: i used to be very good friends with my roommate and another girl (i introduced them, now they are best friends and i am shut out) for a few scuffles that wrecked our friendship. i'm recovering, albeit slowly, and cannot wait for the opportunity beginning next year to meet new people and move on.
the scuffles, in hindsight, were both petty and not so petty (the other girl actually made racist comments about me to my face and also behind my back) and there were other misunderstandings. the issues were never discussed and resolved, mainly bc she is non-confrontational and also probably didn't care enough about our friendship to resolve them. i hurt...a lot... still do, and my roommate and i are not even on speaking terms. so yeah the situation is very awkward. i have a feeling that the other girl had a lot to do with turning my roommate against me as well.
SO the other girl now comes over to visit my roommate occassionally and i CANNOT stand it...cuz i'm still hurting, they ignore my presence, and i am still very much resentful towards the other girl who basically wrecked my second semester. i REALLY wish i can request that she leave and hang out in her own room, but obviously i don't have any right to do that since she is visitng my roommate who lives here (duh). but i just feel so wronged every time she comes in, i feel it's so disrespectful of my feelings and rude. and yeah, i'm especially bitter over the racist remarks, which i'm disinclined to rehash.
i know i have the option of leaving the room, but i prefer to study here and why should i be the one to leave when i live here and the other girl doesn't? and why give the other two girls the satisfaction by leaving the room so they have it all to themselves? what to do in this situation- any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.</p>

<p>This is really very awkward. What you need to do is pretend they don't exist. Really. It sounds trivial, but if they don't exist, they can't hurt you. You have relinquished your power and self worth to a couple of people, who from what you have said, don't care about others' feelings. So if they don't exist to you anymore as far as hurting you, then you get your power back. </p>

<p>I would talk to the roommate and say, I know you don't like me anymore, and neither does so and so. Whatever. That being said, this is my room too, and we need to set a schedule for guests. I study here. I pay for it. What do you suggest we do?" You are standing for yourself, not rehashing old stuff (which make the other person defensive), and saying, yeah, new situation. Once you have stated the obvious, your roommate can't make excuses. You are asking for something very reasonable. If she says well, I can do whatever I want, you can say, well okay. I see where you are at, and maybe next year you two will be roommates. I am sure that will be just swell. (say with a big brave smile on your face)</p>

<p>You need to let go of the hurt. When my Ds were stuck in a school after having experienced the typical mean girl clique rejection, it was so hard. She took to calling them (to our family) two headed monsters, THEM (from the movie about giant nuclear ants), she realized she didn't lose much when she lost the friendship. She toughed it out and that process made her stronger and more confident. It funny how those same highschool mentalities stay through college for some people. Those girls have not grown very much. Think about that. They are stuck in highschool. You can laugh at that. </p>

<p>Get some headsets. Get some really good food (don't share), do your work, don't let them wreck the last few weeks. That will be your choice. Only you can let others make you feel bad. When they come in, think of them as bugs that are annoying, but powerless. And inside laugh. It really works. Another trick my D used was to put that anger and frustration into poems, into school work, into volunteering. See, if they come in, and you have someplace to go that is fun, (not just studying), it won't feel so bad leaving. And when you leave, put some makeup on, dress up a bit, it will pique their curiosity and you will feel good. Or put on some exercise clothes, go jog or work out for half an hour. Come back in refreshed. Then you are walking in on them. See what happens then. You would be suprised. Just walk back in, revitalized and ready to study. If they are still just sitting there, think how sad that is.</p>

<p>This, too shall pass. Take back your life for you. Everytime they get under your skin, think of it as a sliver or a paper cut. Or as if you stubbed your toe. Hurts for a second, but that is all. Pretty soon, those little pains will go away. I promise. Just keep really busy and do some fun stuff.</p>

<p>That's good advice citygirlsmom. I've been in similar situations before (albeit not as bad) and although I didn't handle it well at first, it all got better when I just started ignoring the whole thing like citygirlsmom mentioned. I put up a brick wall around me whenever I saw these people and poised myself with as much confidence as I could muster. Just keep telling yourself how awful these people are (I mean come on, racist *****es) and that they aren't worth your time and anger. I hope you feel better soon.</p>

<p>citygirlsmom and paintedocean, you have given me amazing advice and understanding. i really appreciate you taking the time to respond, and i'm sorry that you (paintedocean) and your daughter went through similar situations. girls can be awful, and the worst part is that u think these people are your best friends.
it really sucks being the hurt, odd one out while they have each other and don't feel/show any remorse at all. they're still enjoying themselves, whereas i have to start the whole hell of finding a group of friends from scratch at the end of the year...
so keeping my head up high, worked out this morning, went to all my classes, studying for finals tonight. from this moment, these girls do not exist and therefore cannot hurt me anymore. the last part is not compeltely true by any stretch of the imagination, but perhaps will be if i keep saying it to myself.</p>

<p>"Reality is what we take to be true. What we take to be true is what we believe. What we believe is based upon our perceptions. What we perceive depends upon what we look for. What we look for depends upon what we think. What we think depends upon what we perceive. What we perceive determines what we believe. What we believe determines what we take to be true. what we take to be true is our reality."</p>

<p>Your reality is going to be what you make. Get a rubber band and put in on your wrist. Everytime you think about those twits and what they did, snap the rubber band. Do ten jumping jacks. Distract yourself for a few seconds and the thoughts of them will pass. Those thoughts will come farther and farther apart. Soon the words you are saying to yourself will be true. They can only hurt you if you let them. If you let them they win. Do you want them to win? stay strong and pretty soon you won't care. That I promise. It is hard when they are obnoxious and in your face, but that just shows they really have nothing. If the best they can do is annoy you, and that doesn't work any more, what do they have?</p>

<p>One thing to remember, as you are venturing out finding new friends, be confident, don't rehash the past, don't carry a chip on your shoulder, that would make it harder to find friends. Think of it as getting dumped by someone you thought you liked, so the hurt is there, but looking back you see what a jerk they really were. Now, these two jerks are stuck with each other. So you get a fresh start. Nothing wrong with that. People do that alllllllll the time. The guy takes the friends, who, you realize you really didn't like anyway!!!!!</p>

<p>This must be so hard because you thought they were your friends. I think that anyone would feel betrayed by the way they are treating you. What you're feeling is something like mouning. Two relationships have died, yet there is no one there to comfort you or who knows your pain. The worst of it is that you can't escape their presence.
For your own sanity, you really must. I know it's not fair for you to be the one to leave when the rat comes in, but it is in your best interest to do so. find a good place to study -bring your books and laptop and spend a few hours out of the dorm every day. You only have a few more weeks, and you can't let these girls disrupt your studying. Also, if you ever work out, now is the time to step it up. Spend an hour a day at the gym or workout room. Treat yourself to a nice lunch out, with another friend if you can. You need to be your own best friend right now.
Best of luck to you - other friends will surface, but for now just be good to yourself!</p>