Can somebody provide feedback on one of the short answers for transfer application?

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.

I have lived most of my life in a country where the culture is different from the country I live in now. Throughout the first year of my studies in America, I was experiencing difficulties in fitting in and living a “normal” student life. I was not sure if I should behave like a foreign or if I should behave like a regular college student hoping to blend in. I did try both solutions, and I realized that I cannot be defined as either one, so I tried to follow a recipe in between. I started engaging more with students that had diverse backgrounds, but had still managed to mix that in with their new culture somehow successfully, and that is when I realized that I became part of a mixed community. I am the fruit of a successful union between the two sides of the world and once I understood that, my peers started noticing it as well. Some of the incoming international students were approaching us and it seemed that for the first time in Schoolcraft’s history, the international students finally united to form one big community, regardless of their differences. That is how the International Student Organization Club was founded. I am now part of the international community and am proud to incorporate the best values from two different cultures. The role I play in it, is a supportive one, and something that new foreign students aspire to achieve, for blending in and standing out at the same time in such a diverse country is a daunting task.

For some reason, this was the hardest short answer to write. I am an international student and maybe it’s kind of hard for me to write about belonging to a community because I don’t wanna play the “oh I’m a foreigner” card. Anyway, what do you guys think?

You’re on the right track, but your focus on the question can be improved for sure. You mentioned that you are part of the international community. Get to that point in your first sentence. Your focus should be to mention your place in that community, not how the community is formed.

I agree with umcoe16 that you need to focus more on your place in the community. You state, " I am now part of the international community and am proud to incorporate the best values from two different cultures. The role I play in it, is a supportive one . . ." Now you need to discuss what those “best values” are, how you personally incorporate those values into your daily life, and what being supportive means. Your answer is a bit too vague and impersonal, and even a bit generic, and it really needs to say something about who you are specifically aside from being an international student who has dealt with culture clash. Another thing you could address is, what specific cultural differences did you experience and how does this new group help you to deal with the cultural differences?