Can someone critique my opening paragraph?

<p>Hey i’m responding to the Common App Topic of your Choice.
Im writing about my passion for mountain-biking and how that passion led to a revelation of how I would come to find a love/dedication for school.</p>

<p>If anyone is interested in critiquing my opening paragraph lemme know via PM or post and ill PM you what i’ve got. Im open to any advice.</p>

<p>Thanks in advance!</p>

<p>I would love to help you!</p>