Can someone grade my essay?

<p>This is my first practice test! Forgive me if it's bad, i've never done this before!</p>

<p>We often hear that we can learn much about someone or something just by casual observation.We are not required to look beneath the surface or to question how something seems. In fact, we are urged to trust our impressions, often our first impressions, of how a person or a situation seems to be. Yet appearances can be misleading. What “seems” isn’t always what is.</p>

<p>Assignment: Is the way something seems to be not always the same as it actually is? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Almost always, the way something seems to be is not always the same as it actually is. First impressions, though direct and memorable, are not how we always perceive a person to be. People have many layers of personality, and it is through comfort and trust where one can reveal their layers. Appearances are misleading. More often than not when I meet someone new, I don’t meet who they really are. First impressions are like pithy, concise advertisements of personality. Other times, personality is hidden from the general public; a façade is put on for protection. For example, in the book, The Bell Jar, by Sylvia Plath, the main girl, Esther, uses her façade to belie her broken mental state. She seems like a strong, intelligent woman, but underneath that mask she is a suicidal, insecure mess. Her first impressions aren’t like what she really is at all. This further supports the position of things not being what they seem like. Looking beneath the surface, the viewer gets a clearer outlook. Although we are urged to trust our impressions, the possibility of misrepresentation is quite large. Another thing which doesn’t seem to be what it actually is is the new. You hear about murders and court cases and celebrity scandals, but how much seems to be true? These publications need money, so it’s understandable to inflame certain details, and sell from that. Unlike first impressions, these publications are easier to dissect. With common sense, a cosmopolitan can tell what details are hyped up for the sake of publication. Things are never what they seem to be, and with a keen eye, the layers of deception start to peel away to reveal the truth.</p>

<p>Generally your detailed writing is good -- nice flow, good sentence structure, good choice of words. There are a handful of minor errors -- typos perhaps. But since the essay is meant to be a draft these errors won't have a significant impact on the score.</p>

<p>However you're missing the point of the essay question. It's not just about detailed writing. There's a thesis, and the need to provide a convincing "proof" of the thesis. You do that only very briefly -- with the one sentence about the Bell Jar. Other than that example you repeat your agreement with the the side of "deeper knowledge" again and again without adding new perspectives. Your attempt at an example from contemporary news reporting falls flat, because it is not at all specific.</p>

<p>For a good essay you need first to show that you are addressing the thesis. Make your thesis statement clear so that the grader understands that you understand the question. And then stick to the thesis. Go light on assertions. Prove them with concrete examples that more or less speak for themselves. Strive for some element of subtlety so that the examples are not repetitive in spirit. This means choose examples that prove your thesis in substantially different ways. And always avoid repetition. That means drop any sentence that restates what you've already said.</p>

<p>Before you can write a "12" essay in 25 minutes, you need to be able to write a "12" essay. Take this same topic and work it through -- possibly multiple times until you have a 12 essay. That will set you on the right direction for future practice.</p>

<p>Thank you very much fogcity! wow you are soo helpful!! god i thought that i answered it pretty well and now i can see i barely did at all!!! what other things can i do to write a good essay!? this part is one of the hardest for me (and CR lol)</p>