Can someone grade my SAT essay?

<p>Prompt: “Each fresh crisis we encounter is an opportunity in disguise.”</p>

<h2>What are your thoughts on the statement above? Compose an essay in which you exress your views on this topic.</h2>

<p>Humans tend to avoid problems when they can. This is not just something that we do as a social norm. Rather, it is etched into our basic, animalistic nature that people should avoid potentially harmful and precarious situations if they can, as a means of survival. However, some people are capable of transcending this innate behavior. Instead of shying away from crises, they tackle them head-on. Both the Revolutionary War and Civil War in US History have demonstrated that these dangerous conflicts can lead to a change for the betterment of society and humanity overall.</p>

<p>The Revolutionary War consisted of an armed rebellion by the colonies of Britain against the British empire The chief reasons for the revolt were a lack of representation in Parliament. This was nothing new, because democracy was still an alien concept to most civilizations in the 18th century. Nevertheless, the patriots decided to rise in opposition against the tyranny of the monarchy in support of a government run for the people, and by the people. The war took a grueling toll on both nations. However, by gaining independence, the US led the way for the success of democracy in future years. Had the patriots not faced the crisis with a sense of motivation and determination, the future of democracy would have been questionable. </p>

<p>In addition, the Civil War in US History served as another reminder to the American people about the importance of facing a crisis head-on with a willingness to overcome the obstacle and lead to new opportunities in the future. The Civil War was fought primarily over the issue of slavery in the nation. The growing movement of Abolitionism questioned the morality of slavery, denouncing it as inhumane and contrary to the founding principles of the country. When the South seceded, Northerners were determined to save the union and end slavery once and for all. This was not an easy task at all, and the resulting war led to thousands of casualties. However, it was a war that needed to be fought in order to eliminate the cruel institution of slavery. Instead of turning away and ignoring slavery, the North tackled the issue with determination, and its actions led to the improvement of society for blacks and Americans as a whole. </p>

<p>It is human nature to shy away from crises, especially those that do not directly concern us. However, as the American Revolutionary War and Civil War have demonstrated, humanity always needs those who are willing to take the risk and make a sacrifice for a highr goal for humanity. </p>

<hr>

<p>I have one more question. Is it advisable to have both body paragraphs about historical events, or would it have been better, say, if I had included a personal event as my second example instead?</p>

<p>Thanks for your help.</p>

<ol>
<li>Make sure it pretty much fills up the entire two pages. </li>
</ol>

<p>I personally think a historical event is much stronger than a personal anecdote. And since you used two American wars I think your essay seems a lot more coherent as well.</p>

<ol>
<li>You’re using things that you learned in school, excellent vocabulary, and minimal grammar mistakes (The chief reason for the revolt was…) (make sacrifices in order to achieve a greater goal for humanity). Your reasoning is sound and you directly answer the question. Overall, this is excellent.</li>
</ol>

<p>I’d give it a 4. Very little concrete evidence from the examples. The examples would have been great if there was more evidence present. The grammar and vocab level is perfect.</p>

<p>8 (out of 12). You don’t prove that you actually know anything in depth about the examples- you make generalizations. An average middle schooler could write this essay in about 2 hours. Your language is clear, and you have a topic sentence and conclusion, so your essay is somewhat better than a 6.</p>

<p>Just to clear up any confusion, Nj2015er and I were grading it out of 6 points, implying a total score of 12 from two graders.</p>

<p>I wrote an essay VERY similar to this (similar language level, similar examples, etc.) on the January SAT and I got a 9. I’d say it was an accurate grade as sg12909 was right, the examples were explained in a very general way (I did the exact same thing). Honestly, I’ve noticed I always get higher scores when I use very detailed esoteric examples rather than wars or events basically everyone knows about.</p>