<p>Throughout history, it has been proven that privacy should be kept in order to produce favorable outcomes. Privacy has played a key role in the development of countries and continues to be a key aspect in contemporary society. This can be depicted through the leak of the knowledge of the atomic bomb and by the works of Mahatma Gandhi in India.
In the 1940’s, the knowledge of the Atomic Bomb was accessed by the Soviet Union, which in turn led to the most brutal stalemates in American history, the Cold War. In 1943, the United States detonated its first Atomic Bomb in Hiroshima, Japan. The Soviet Union, who was communist and resentful towards the United States, became filled with trepidation after this attack. One of the biggest American traitors, according to US News Weekly in 2007, John Williamson released the information to the Soviet Union in exchange for two million dollars in USD. Williamson was the son of one of the physicists working on the Nuclear Bomb. The physicist’s negligence to keeping the vital information on how to build an atomic bomb allowed his son to get his hands on the designs for the bomb. After the Soviet Union received the bombs, it started the inception of its nuclear project by building an astonishing number of bombs. Had Williams not released the information to the Soviets, the world would have avoided the Cold War, a 40 year period of tension and rancor between the United States and the Soviet Union.
Around the same time period as the Nuclear Bomb, India was liberated by Mahatama Gandhi. Gandhi was a revolutionary leader, who followed the principles of satyagraha, nonviolence, to attain independence from the oppressive Great Britain. One of Gandhi’s most famous acts against the British was the Salt March. The Salt March was a march to the Indian Ocean to recover the salt from the Indian Ocean, this circumventing the Salt Tax. The problem with this was Sunny Jawarhal, a traitor to the Indians who released information to the British about the illicit trading of salt occurring in India. Jawarhal’s failure to keep this information private, led to the Jalhander Massacre of 1946. According to the Indian Times of 1946, around 80,000 men, women, and children lost their lives during the brutal killing by the British. Had Jawarhal kept the salt trading privy to himself, the massacre may have never taken place. Jawarhal’s actions thus depict the importance of keeping certain information private.
The betrayals of John Williamson and Sunny Jawarhal in their respective areas depict the vitality of keeping certain information private</p>
<p>I would say 10 or 11. Your 2 examples are very good - detailed and related to the thesis. However, I would suggest that to get a 12, you should use 3 examples, and have a longer conclusion, with maybe something insightful in the last sentence.</p>
<p>I ran out of room to write anymore examples. And my sat teacher told me to use 2 examples with a one sentence conclusion</p>
<p>It is useful to have 3 examples. I got a 12 on my essay, and I used 3, one literature, and two from history. By no means does that mean you have to use 3. As long as you write a lot (preferably to the last line of the second page, it is good). And you do not need a long conclusion. I think mine was like two sentences, and I still got a 12. You should focus more on the actual examples, and how it relates to your thesis, rather than worry about a conclusion.
I also think that, if you are going to use two history examples for your essay, you should make them from different time periods. Even if they are in two different parts of the world, like in your essay, having two examples from the same time period makes it seem like you are limited in what you know about history. Your examples should be at least a century apart (or you could just use a literature one). Finally, you should work on developing your vocab more. The SAT essay isn’t like a normal essay where the writing is all that matters, but it is graded in all aspects (length, vocab, as well as the writing), so in order to get a high score, you need to write a long, well developed essay that provides a very persuasive argument supporting a good thesis, that also uses some good vocabulary words. Good luck!</p>
<p>Any other grades?</p>