can someone grade my SAT essay ?

College Essays
1

assignment: Is a perfect society possible or even desirable ?

    Can society be perfect ? Throughout time , people have been arguing to find a consistent answer to this question.Some agree that nothing can be perfect , but others agree that by trying and developing , society and everthing can be perfect . BUT today , the majority of people like the developed , freed , and perfect persons like malala yousafzai and thomas edison .

    the perfect person is the one who tries to resist his failures and his problems.For example, malala yousafzai is a pakastanian girl who lived in an area where taliban ruled.She faced imperialism and dictatorismin which Taliban banned girls from going to schools . despite her imperfect society , she didn't give up ; however , she believed that she can make her society better . she started to write blogs to magazines when she was 11 years old to make people support her . And she continued improving and trying until she won the NOBEL PEACE PRIZE and girls were no longer banned from learning and going to school . Therefore , malala was living in an imperfect society , but by her writings and movements to challenge taliban , she achieved her goal , was freed to learn in school , and made her society better.


      Every person should strive to be perfect or even bettedr . For example, thomas edison is the great inventor of the light bulb. He tried several times to invent the light bulb , but he didn't give up. he insisted to make his life better and even perfect . After years of persistence , he achieved his goal and succeeded in invenjting the light bulb . thjerefore, thomas edison's enviroment wasn't perfect and he himself wasn't perfect , but by trying , he developed himself and become perfect to achieve his goal.


      By nature, perfection isn't easy , but by trying and development , one can achieve anything. We should learn from edison and malala their persistence to succeed and make themselves perfect by trying and learning.Thus i agree that humanity should strive to create perfection and  that a perfect society is possible.
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There is an SAT subforum here; you should post your essay there.

The prompt asks about society as a whole which, I’m not really sure how your example about Edison ties into that. How did Edison become “perfect” (in whichever sense of the word)? There is also a huge difference between making a society “better” and making a society “perfect” (which means flawless, but can also mean “complete”).

Additionally, there are some English mechanics that should be worked on. For example, remember to always capitalize proper nouns. Only capitalize the first letter, i.e. “NOBEL PEACE PRIZE” should be “Nobel Peace Prize.” Additionally, several sentences sounded really awkward.

This sentence sounds really awkward. Maybe replace “in which” with “as.”
We usually refer to it as “the Taliban” vs. “Taliban” but this is probably a picky detail.

I don’t know if “therefore” is the best in terms of word choice.

Remember to capitalize. In order to be consistent, I’d use their last names.

My score (basing it on the SAT rubric): 3/6