Can someone please critique my Commons App Failure essay?

College Essays
1

I am applying Priority Decision to Purdue and have a few days before the deadline. Can someone critique my Commons App essay on Failure(#2)?

Thanks in advance,
DarkMatter7

EDIT: I am going to refrain from sending my essay to other applicants for obvious reasons.

2

PM me. Obviously not an applicant or even the parent of one.

3

Thanks! I have PM’ed you.