Can someone please look at my CommonApp personal essay?

<p>Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.</p>

<p>That's the topic^ Please post if you're willing to critique what I have and I'll send it to you :) Thank you in advance! I appreciate it!</p>

<p>Hey I can help :D:D pm it to me</p>