<p>Topic: Do people accomplish more when they are allowed to do things in their own way.
Response:
It is essential for people to be able to establish their creativity. Sometimes you need to break the rules. Although James Watson may have been seen as lethargic and unable to function in proper decorum, his methods should not be overlooked. Just because someone does something different from the taught, doesn’t mean they are wrong. This just means you should expose yourself to the disparity in ideas.</p>
<p>During my elementary school experience, I was asked to solve fractions. My mom had taught me how to do this prior to my school training. However, the way she taught me deeply contrasted the way my teacher taught me. My teacher would get frustrated and became determined on having me learn her way. As the test on franctions approached, I began to panic and ponder which lesson I should trust. I ended up doin g it my mom’s way. This resulted in my grades flourishing and bringing me the highest marks I ever achieved. Similarly, nationally acclaimed chef Emeril disputed previous thoughts on how to make a chicken casserole.</p>
<p>There is a certain way to make a chicken casserole. You must obtain the appropriate ingredients, have access to certain cooking supplies, and perform each procedure correctly. However, chef Emeril didn’t pay much attention to any of that. He was more into bringing creativity to the table. Luckily, his disparity in cooking is what won his critics over. He cooked his casserole in a way no one attempted to before. He added different ingredients and heated it for longer periods than required. This spontaneous display led to his success in America.</p>
<p>Emeril has accomplished more than he ever could by not following the instructions on how to make a simple casserole. Doing things in your own way isn’t a bad thing. You should be open-minded to how people wish to deal with things instead of judging them or not regarding their ideas. You may learn more from them than you can from the rules.</p>
<p>Not sure the intro is quite the place for your mention of Watson; seems like a miniature example.</p>
<p>Watson was the author of the quote…thanks.</p>
<p>what would your grade be from 1-6?</p>
<p>what is this for (what grade are you in and what assignment is this)</p>
<p>Some simple things that could be improved on is directly quoting Watson in the first paragraph. I really would have had no idea there was a quote there if you didn’t say it in another post. So, put some quotation marks and I’m not a big fan of direct quotations but you would want to put something before like John Watson a leading molecular biologist and nobel prize winner once said “quote”. You seem to be doing some sort of indirect quoting and you can do that but you would need to consult an english teacher because your technique isn’t quite good enough to go that route.
Another thing to focus on is grammar mechanics because, “Just because someone does something different from the taught, doesn’t mean they are wrong.” is grammatically incorrect. You should avoid contractions in formal essay writing, “Doing things in your own way isn’t a bad thing”.
You’re structure and flow are also a little bit off. The transition between the first and second paragraph is clean, but between the second and third it is rough. I think what you were going for was to start the transition in one paragraph and continue that transition to another paragraph, but in reality it would have been a lot cleaner if you had just started your third paragraph with the last sentence of your second paragraph. Also, the first sentence of your conclusion should be the last sentence of the third paragraph. This will create a structure and flow that is more organized and clean.
Using pronouns also isn’t a good idea unless it has a distinct purpose like calling your reader to action in a persuasive essay. The “you” in the last paragraph comes of more accusatory than I think you might have intended.
Just two more shallow observations is that the thesis in you introduction could use some fleshing out and your conclusion is decent but could be elaborated on more</p>
<p>If you’re in 7th grade this gets a 6
8th - 5
9th - 4
I think you see my trend</p>
<p>Thank you for the very good points. I learnt a lot!</p>