Can Someone please proof read this for the common app

College Essays
1

<p>the topic was Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum). </p>

<p>When I began volunteering in the St. Vincent’s Hospital pharmacy I was not quite sure what to expect. On my first day in the pharmacy I was intrigued by the many tasks of the pharmacy technicians. I spent time with technicians making sure that all medications where properly labeled and checking expiration dates, as well as bringing medicines up to departments of the hospital such as oncology, emergency, dialysis, labor and delivery, and the surgical unit. Pharmacists and technicians are responsible for distributing all the medications in the hospital to the departments in which they belong, and making sure that the medications are not expired. Pharmacists also work with nurses and doctors to determine how to medicate each patient. This experience not only broadened my knowledge of the medical field, but it also produced a hunger in me to learn more about healthcare.</p>

2

<p>Your sentences have weird pauses, there needs to be a more natural flow to it. Have you tried reading aloud?</p>

3

<p>i have alot, i just cant seem to think of any better wording</p>

4

<p>It’s very predictable, you need to make your essay stand out. You need an opening sentence that hooks the reader and a powerful closing sentence. Make it more personal. Talk less about what you did and more about what it did for you. </p>

<p>Where are you applying?</p>