Can someone please proofread my elevator speech?

<p>Sorry! I know this is a bit off-topic, but I have to write and present an elevator speech in my class (I'm a high school student.) I've never written one before, and the one I've written right now I'm not very happy with. Does anyone have time to please proofread it? It's not very long, as we're only allotted 60-90 seconds to present it.