Can someone please read over my CommonApp essay rough draft?

First time using the site, just looking for some advice on my essay.

I’m looking at submitting it to NCSU, and CU Boulder, but I’m worried it might scare Colorado- they’re pretty liberal (You’ll see why if you read it).

Trust your instinct. Submit, but have other schools too. Or play it a little safer and tone it down. Personally, if it’s extreme, toning it down is a good idea. Schools don’t admit by political views, but most schools also don’t like extremes in any direction.

Also, the essay needs to be about you. So if the topic isn’t focused on you, you need to fix that.