Can someone score my essay out of 6 please?

<p>Essay: Better to prevent problems
A problem would definitely be easier to deal with if it does not exist in the first place. Although some problems are unavoidable, others are those that could have easily been prevented. </p>

<p>An amazingly perfect example would be today’s obesity problem. Once fat gets accumulated in one’s body beyond a certain limit, it becomes extremely difficult to get rid of it. Although, such a problem would not even exist if exercise and a healthy diet had been a part of every person’s day-to-day life. </p>

<p>Another apt example is that of the sinking of the Titanic on its maiden voyage. The Titanic may have sunk because of an opportunistic collision with an iceberg, but all the men and some women on the ship died because of the shortage of lifeboats. Had the authorities responsible arranged for enough lifeboats for every life on the ship, the sinking of the Titanic, would not have been such a tragedy for the hundreds of people whose lives had either been changed or ended.</p>

<p>Therefore, we must learn to prevent problems as much as we must learn to overcome them. If solving complex problems is art then so is preventing complex problems.</p>

<p>Between a 2 and a 3.</p>

<p>Things that you did well:</p>

<p>You answered the question.
You picked two examples that support your thesis.</p>

<p>Things that you need to work on:</p>

<p>First and foremost, your essay is too short. You did the exact same thing in both of your examples, which was state your example and then provide only 1-2 sentences of explanation. Try to explain your examples further. Your body paragraphs should have way more than just 2-3 sentences. </p>

<p>Try to avoid phrases like “amazingly perfect”, as you are essentially saying the same thing twice. If something is perfect, it does not have any flaws. Adding “amazingly” to describe something that is already perfect is unnecessary.</p>

<p>You also have a few grammar errors (mainly from comma misuse).</p>

<p>Thanks a lot!</p>